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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

999 replies

EmmelineW · 21/07/2016 15:40

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

OP posts:
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6
DoinItFine · 21/07/2016 16:35

The school's need to keep order in their school does not mean an individual girl should be forced into strapping up her breasts.

Breasts wobble.

There is nothing dirty or wrong about that.

They are just an ordinary part ofva woman's anatomy and nobody shoukd be made ashamed of their natural body or how it looks.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/07/2016 16:36

We have to pretend we dont have breasts at all. For the menz feels. hmm

what are you on about? I knew this topic would bring out some angry folk, I just knew it

I don't want to see breasts flopping and bobbing around my office thanks, the same goes for: the top of a mans hairy chest in a V neck top, the top of a mans pants when he wears low cut jeans, and someone's thighs.

And I doubt I am alone in this.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 21/07/2016 16:36

so because women were downtrodden for so long, we now have to do unto men the same? Surely equality = being equal?

So following your logic that would mean either men must wear bras too or no-one has to if they dont want to?

greatbigwho · 21/07/2016 16:36

I don't brush my hair. It's halfway down my back and I don't even know where my hairbrush is. It doesn't need it and I don't feel the need to do it. My hair, my issue. Same with wearing underwear tbh.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/07/2016 16:36

Also, just seen the "not wearing a bra is lazy". WTF? Do you classify every man that doesn't wear a bra as "lazy", mzS1990? And if not, why not? (And don't come at me with "because they don't need them" - there's plenty of moobs flapping about in the world, braless but unremarked upon.)

Cutecat78 · 21/07/2016 16:37

Balloonslayer

UmbongoUnchained · 21/07/2016 16:37

This is really interesting and something I've never thought about.
Funnily enough my school had an underwear policy. Girls bras were to be plain white or black Tshirt bras as our white shirts were pretty see through.
I think I'd find it in appropriate if a female teacher were teaching in a white see through shirt with no bra on. Considering secondary schools are full of raging hormones.
I also remember how uncomfortable it was sitting on the floor in front of our old music teacher who very clearly didn't wear and pants under his trousers and it was all creeping down his leg.
It's hard to say really. I think if she has a jumper on over the top I can't see the problem. But if it's just a see through shirt.... Oh I don't know. Wouldn't be fun if she got caught out in the rain in front of her school friends.

greatbigwho · 21/07/2016 16:37

Navy maybe he should suggest to his staff that they spend less time staring at women then.

Arfarfanarf · 21/07/2016 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/07/2016 16:37

If her pe top is see through she doesn't have to wear a bra, she can just wear a vest of that's more comfortable.

DoinItFine · 21/07/2016 16:38

14 year old girls should not have underwear choices enforced upon them because our societyour society still allows 14 year old boys to behave like animals in public.

mzS1990 · 21/07/2016 16:38

I don't brush my hair. It's halfway down my back and I don't even know where my hairbrush is. It doesn't need it and I don't feel the need to do it. My hair, my issue. Same with wearing underwear tbh.

That's cool. Your hair, your issue. But the reason why you don't do it is laziness. It's just a bra.

OnionKnight · 21/07/2016 16:38

I'm not sure what to make of this Hmm

FreedomIsInPeril · 21/07/2016 16:38

so because women were downtrodden for so long, we now have to do unto men the same? Surely equality = being equal?

There is something very wrong with your reasoning skills. How is saying that we will no longer dress to suit men (which we have done since the dawn of fucking time) making them downtrodden and unequal?
You are confused. Maybe your bra is too tight, you can't get enough blood to the head?

dowhatnow · 21/07/2016 16:39

I don't think it's acceptable to wear a shirt that you can see nipples through. It is different for boys. A bloke can walk down the street topless and not get arrested, not so for a woman.

Wheelerdeeler · 21/07/2016 16:39

*Breasts wobble.

There is nothing dirty or wrong about that.*

If that was the case there would be no topless clubs in operation.......

milpool · 21/07/2016 16:39

I would hazard a guess that there are PLENTY of people who don't wear bras and none of you who think bras are such a necessity for the good of society would be any the wiser.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 21/07/2016 16:39

and all the onlooking 14 year old boys say "Oh what a great run! What a superb athlete! I can't understand the fuss that teacher made about her wearing a bra - they are only mammary glands after all, nothing sexual whatsoever What a shame the patriarchy has had such a dreadful effect on society that our stupid teacher over-reacted like that."

Why would they even be mentioning her breasts? It ends with "what a superb athlete" just as it would if it was a boy running.

eyebrowsonfleek · 21/07/2016 16:39

If a grown woman doesn't wear a bra to work then it's nobody else's business but her own. Other people's discomfort doesn't come into it. Should good-looking people wear masks so they don't make people uncomfortable? The woman who chooses not to wear a bra will probably be aware of people staring at her chest and appearing unprofessional.

Good points made above about teen boys not having to wear a vest to cover nipples and chest area if they are big. Teen boys can be turned on by body parts on show (eg lips) - should they be covered to help the menz? If covering up really made a difference to a woman's personal safety, countries with burkhas would be super safe for women.

Back to OP- in an idea world, your dd could do what she wanted but I'd be advising get to conform to the expectation that female breasts are hidden.

NavyandWhite · 21/07/2016 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreedomIsInPeril · 21/07/2016 16:40

I don't want to see breasts flopping and bobbing around my office thanks

You're missing the bit that no-one cares what you want. It is not relevant what you want.

HooplaLoopla1 · 21/07/2016 16:40

Jackie no, mainly owing to the fact that women have breasts and men don't. It's basic biology. Some men do develop some breast tissue, that's not the same as actual breasts.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/07/2016 16:41

mzS1990 I wonder what you don't do that many of the rest of us do? And I wonder how you'd feel about us judging you as "lazy".

As for hairbrushing when your head doesn't need it - do you judge bald men for not brushing their hair? What exactly is the point of grooming something that doesn't need grooming?

FreedomIsInPeril · 21/07/2016 16:41

He runs a successful company. And I know if one of his employees came to work bra less where there are quite a few young men in the office he would be mindful of it

Then he should tell the young men to keep their eyes to themselves, NOT telling the women to dress so as not to make the men look.

DoinItFine · 21/07/2016 16:41

Topless clubs don't exist because breasts are dirty.

They exist because some men are.