DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

NavyandWhite maybe your husband could just focus on women's faces rather than their chests and I'm sure he wouldn't have an issue.

Or, y'know, he could grow the fuck up and respect women's right to choose whether or not they wear a bra.

And no, his feelings don't matter.

Jesus, when did we become a society when all men should be disregarded?

I don't think you can compare boys not wearing pants under their trousers as the trousers are thicker and dark colored so you would see anything. A boy wearing no pants and thin tight white trousers wear you can see outlines and bulges. Then walking on stilts so his penis is eye level to anyone sitting down/shorter/younger pupils. That would be more comparable. If it's acceptable for breasts why not for genitals?

She should wear a crop top (and stop attention seeking)

Not wearing a bra seems very lazy.... Like if you don't wear a bra- what else don't do you?

Yeah, those lazy bitches, refusing to conform to sexist rules of behaviour for the benefit of men. Bet she doesn't dye her eyebrows or vajazzle either, the cow.

I assume the issue about her not being able to come back is pretty academic as it's the end of term. But for future reference schools aren't allowed to exclude pupils for uniform issues.

Is she going to find it a problem with feeling like she's backed down if she does wear a comfortable bra?

Jesus, when did we become a society when all men should be disregarded?

Only when it comes to womens bodies. Poor men, so downtrodden for so long, huh?

mzS1990 give a flying fuck about what other people think of you?! Why is it lazy? Am I lazy if I don't wear makeup or straighten my hair or pluck my eyebrows?

I bet if she wore a black/pink/blue/green bra that would be a problem too. She'll only be allowed to wear a white one. Because girls must wear bras, but nobody must be able to tell they are wearing a bra. We have to pretend we dont have breasts at all. For the menz feels.

Hoopla I'm sorry but when I get dressed in the morning I don't do it with "how will this affect men's ~feelings~" in my head. Nobody should have to do that.

If men (and boys) can't deal with women not wearing bras then they need to give their heads a shake and sort themselves the fuck out.

Could this have happened, because in PE you all get changed in a changing room. Your daughter takes her top off, her boobs are exposed.
Me personally I think there is more to this story, for the school to suddenly exclude her after a few years of going bra less something has definitley happened.

To all those saying she shouldn't have to wear a bra, would you be ok about a woman going bra less in your DH's place of work?

Of course!? How on earth would this affect me?? And if a grown man in the workplace was unprofessional enough to be looking at my chest instead of at my face during interactions, I would be more than a little hacked off.

If boys' nipples can clearly be seen through their school shirts and nobody says a word, then how exactly is that different? And if you're honestly going to say that females don't have sexual thoughts about men's chests, then you're delusional.

Totally sexist.

Of course a 14 year old girl that has come to the attention of the school for not wearing a bra needs to wear one.

It is a basic piece of underwear and your 14 year old should be told to grow up and wear one.

If the school blouse is sufficiently transparent that her breasts are visible through it, that is a problem with the school uniform, not a problem with your daughter. Not wearing a bra underneath clothes is in no way equivalent to, as one person said here, a penis swinging about. (Also breasts are not genitalia.)

Wearing a bra or not is a personal choice for every woman. i didn't wear one until my mid-thirties, when I was BF-ing. No way would I have responded well to demands from anyone that I wear one. Tell the school to shove it.

I'm surprised the school are involved, though, that's a bit weird. I imagine they've got involved because her appearance is inappropriate in a school setting, as it would probably be in a work setting. If it wasn't inappropriate I can't see why the school would bring it up.

So because women were downtrodden for so long, we now have to do unto men the same? Surely equality = being equal? No ONE should be 'downtrodden'. IMO nor should they be disregarded or thought less of.

I see this as part of the sexualisation of female mammary glands and male ownership and control of them. Def have a human rights case here.

when did we become a society when all men should be disregarded

When those men are trying to dictate what women wear then yes, women get to disregard them.

Not Straightening your hair- not lazy

Not brushing your hair- very lazy.

A person that doesn't bother to wear a bra , to me seems like the person to not brush their hair

I bet if she wore a black/pink/blue/green bra that would be a problem too

That's just struck a chord with me. I was wearing a light, white top yesterday and I deliberately chose a bra that didn't stand out underneath. I have to wear a bra but it mustn't look like I'm wearing one. Self policing?

Not wearing a bra seems very lazy

Fucking hell, I've heard it all now.

I really wish I could live in the world some Mumsnetters think exists.

Where a girl is running down the athletics track braless and all the onlooking 14 year old boys say "Oh what a great run! What a superb athlete! I can't understand the fuss that teacher made about her wearing a bra - they are only mammary glands after all, nothing sexual whatsoever What a shame the patriarchy has had such a dreadful effect on society that our stupid teacher over-reacted like that."

I don't think I've said anyone should get dressed with men in mind. Some basic respect and thought to ALL wouldn't go amiss though surely?