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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

999 replies

EmmelineW · 21/07/2016 15:40

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

OP posts:
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ExtraHotLatteToGo · 23/07/2016 18:29

How can I force her to wear something that she doesn't have to? It isn't in their uniform rules, so I kind of wish I had refused to pick her up! Absolutely don't want a fight with the school

Easily. She's 14, you are her mother, you tell her she has to wear one. Why are parents so bloody scared to act like parents?

So what if it is or isn't in the uniform rules? Doing the dishes isn't in the uniform rules either but presumably if you want her to do then you tell her to do them? Being 'decently dressed' when out of the house is the point, not what's in the school rules.

Your choice to either tell DD that she has to wear something under her school shirt or argue with the school about it.

Not wearing a bra or something under a thin white shirt is inappropriate and until that changes school girls who have developed need to wear something under their school shirts.

Yattering on about what boys do or don't do is pointless naval gazing. Women's breasts are sexual, mens aren't. If you want to change that notion, knock your socks off, but not at the cost of telling a 14 year old to challenge the world on your behalf.

Women who go bra less and think others don't notice are deluded. If you don't care, that up to you, but it is noticable, even if you are small chested.

MyMurphy · 23/07/2016 18:30

And by the way, I think OP is being disingenuous about "must wear a bra". A vest or crop top would be fine!

FreedomIsInPeril · 23/07/2016 18:30

I just want one human being to say "Yes that's fine, I won't be trying to hold them still the whole time. Nothing will ache when I'm done. No problem at all

You're missing the point. Its not whether YOu think someone else will be uncomfortable, its what they think that matters. If someone else wants to run around with their breasts banging around and even hitting themselves in the face, whats it to you? Worry about your own boobs, leave other people to theirs.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 18:30

So if her nipples are on view due to the thinness of her shirt then technically it is a public order issue, and one that, however ridiculous, could have the police called to deal with it.

Which the school would be responsible for due to enforcing a uniform policy that makes a see through shirt compulsory. Pupils should not be obliged to purchase extra layers of clothing because the school uniform is insufficient to over them.

MyMurphy · 23/07/2016 18:30

Totally agree with Extra Hot!

WuTangFlan · 23/07/2016 18:31

Stick on nipple covers are a thing, aren't they? Though I would encourage her to give a decent sports bra a go, it can't imagine how it could be comfortable running bra-less at a C cup.

Example

(I love the description which says "Comes in trendy packaging so great to give as a gift" - a gift to who?!)

MyMurphy · 23/07/2016 18:32

Do any of you remember what it is like at High School? How the boys treat the girls?

Original poster
EmmelineW · 23/07/2016 18:32

Her nipples aren't the problem, they're flat. It's the shape. The school said a bra, actually.....

OP posts:
FreedomIsInPeril · 23/07/2016 18:33

So if her nipples are on view due to the thinness of her shirt then technically it is a public order issue, and one that, however ridiculous, could have the police called to deal with it

Nope, I call bullshit, I do not believe for one second there is a law that says a CHILD has to hide her nipples, under a shirt, in school. And even if there is technically an obscure one, there isn't a police force in the country that would do anything about it.
You're talking pure bollocks there.

GladAllOver · 23/07/2016 18:34

School, is not the place to advertise your adherence to the "free the nipple" movement.
That's totally irrelevant. The poor girl is NOT exposing her chest. She's wearing a uniform shirt which according to her mother doesn't show her nipples at all. What she wears or doesn't wear under her uniform is her business and no-one else's.

Hulababy · 23/07/2016 18:34

For school to be involved there must be more to the girl just not wearing a bra.

I can only assume that there is more to it that we don't yet know about.

I have never known a school get involved in this kind of thing as generally they just wouldn't know about it to start with.

MyMurphy · 23/07/2016 18:34

In fact, I am going out on a limb now, I cannot understand why the OP is objecting to her daughter wearing something to cover her nipples. OP would you care to give a good reason? (vests aren't uncomfortable, but they are uncool I guess. So daughter presumably wouldn't put up with that?)

MissBattleaxe · 23/07/2016 18:36

Which the school would be responsible for due to enforcing a uniform policy that makes a see through shirt compulsory

Oh come off it! Blaming the school because the shirt is too thin to go braless?

I agree with everything ExtraHotLatte says. It's not appropriate. Wear a top underneath.

Original poster
EmmelineW · 23/07/2016 18:37

How will a top change the shape of her braless breasts?

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 23/07/2016 18:37

OP I support you and your daughter 100%.

But you may find it embarrassing when this topic is reported in the Daily Mail. It's just the sort of subject they like to copy, the bastards.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 23/07/2016 18:39

Your DD tried a bra once & declared it uncomfortable. She needs to try a couple of others. Things that are new/different are sometimes 'uncomfortable' until we are more familiar with the feel of them. She'll get used to it

You wouldn't let her not wear shoes to school if she thought they were uncomfortable.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 18:41

Oh come off it! Blaming the school because the shirt is too thin to go braless?

Exactly that, yes. The school chose their uniform supplier. They didnt choose well enough. Its their responsibility to ensure the uniform is sufficient. This one isnt.

GladAllOver · 23/07/2016 18:41

Murphy
*I cannot understand why the OP is objecting to her daughter wearing something to cover her nipples."
The OP is NOT objecting. She is rightly supporting her daughter's choice not to have the school control her underwear.

WuTangFlan · 23/07/2016 18:41

You said you are "assuming" it was the shape... it may not be. Probably a conversation with the school to get to the bottom of what they see as the problem is the way forward, as there may be another means to resolve it which they haven't considered.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 18:43

She needs to try a couple of others

She doesnt need to do anything. Bras are not compulsory.

Original poster
EmmelineW · 23/07/2016 18:44

Shoes are completely different!

OP posts:
JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 18:45

I bet shoes are stipulated in the school uniform policy. I bet they have to be black with no heel.

Bras wont be mentioned at all.

GerdaLovesLili · 23/07/2016 18:45

FreedomIsInPeril I didn't say the police would be called, merely that they could be. The offence would be "breach of the peace" which isn't legaly defined. Do you think magistrate might view a 14 year old girl exposing her breasts to teenage boys as a breach of the peace? Do you think that might be what the school are trying hard not to say?

The Queen's (or King's) Peace is the normal state of society and any disturbance of that Peace is a 'Breach of the Peace'.
The 'normal state of society' varies from place to place and time to time. For example, conduct perfectly acceptable at a football match would not be appreciated in a churchyard. The normal state of society on a recognised naturist beach is nudity - so just by being naked you cannot disturb that state. There is, therefore, no Breach of the Peace and the police cannot stop you from enjoying your day in the sun. But, you might argue that female nipples on a developed breast whether the owner is under-aged or not may well cause a breach of the peace in a school environment.

GladAllOver · 23/07/2016 18:46

So much rubbush being written here.

She'll get used to it
She shouldn't have to.

You wouldn't let her not wear shoes to school if she thought they were uncomfortable.
Of course not. That would risk injury and infection from rubbish on the ground. The bra is not necessary to protect her from anything.

lljkk · 23/07/2016 18:46

I almost read last poster's name as FreedomtoDangleinPeril.

I don't care about "the point" of the thread anymore. I'm genuinely curious about what I asked, though, but then we aren't supposed to start threads that might be about threads, so I tagged on the question on here, since The Booby Freedom Brigade seem to be out in Force & might read the question & even answer...

"One more time, wearing a bra does not give you cancer."