DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

Hopefully it will be chilly in the Autumn term and she'll be wearing a sweatshirt

The school is out of order on this. How dare they ban her for not wearing a bra. They are refusing her right to education because she has chosen to not wear a non compulsory undergarment. There is no law on having to wear a bra. It is not part of the uniform either. Get it in writing from the school and take them to court for refusing her education.

But what are her reasons? I am missing the reason she doesn't want to wear one.

Unless I've missed something

I guess those who think she shoukd be wearing a bra to conform and not distract the boys - no matter how she feels about it but surely support women and girls forced to wear hijab or burkas in countries or religions where it's expected.

I didn't wear a bra till 15 - no one sermed to notice, it felt horrible and so uncomfortable when i did. Also made me feel propelled into a more sexual and adult world when i was happy as i was.

Tesco have nice children sized cami top vests (spagetti sleeve strings and a bit of lace - just bought DD some today as white shirts are revealing and as much as I wish we would all chill out about boobs in general (bras are torture) I do think you should have another layer under a white shirt.

Quite a contravercial post for a first post.

I doubt I even owned a bra at school. Nobody noticed or cared. The idea of nipples and boobs being apparent under clothing being unacceptable seems to have crept in from the States in the last decade. In terms of films (sorry to go slightly off topic), it seems it is okay to show horrific violence but not an inoffensive body part. European films (including British) were never so squeamish about breasts but now, but now... it is all rather regressive in a "Handmaid's Tale" kind of way. No, the school should not be excluding your DD from education because she chooses not to wear a particular undergarment and men might be distracted by that (? I presume that is the logic). Where would this end? There are many cultures where women's hair has been sexualised (? maybe it is inherently sexual). It is dual purpose as some posters would put it. In those cultures, women cover their hair, either with scarves (many Islamic societies) or with a wig (some orthodox Jews). How would posters feel if their DDs in a few years time are sent home for not covering their hair? Just "no" to this thin end of the wedge. Women fought hard in the sixties to be treated as human beings and not sex objects. Our bodies are not to be dressed according to the diktats of men or even other women worried about girls titillating their men (ref: the poster who asked how people would feel about a braless woman in their DP's workplace). Hold your ground, OP, if your DD wants it. If she doesn't want the fight then fair enough but that must be her free decision. Incidentally, I have always had distractingly nice legs. Maybe I should not have been allowed to wear a skirt to school and been forced to wear trousers in deference to boys' raging hormones? Actually, we weren't allowed to wear trousers as girls back then but that is a whole different issue...

Why can't she wear a fucking bra? It's not foot binding.

Hands up:

Who on thread who is C-cup or larger, and would be quite happy to run around playing netball for an hour or run 4 long laps around the school's biggest playing field completely braless? You can do it in the dark with no audience/blind netball partners. This is just a question about how your body feels during sport.

I just want one human being to say "Yes that's fine, I won't be trying to hold them still the whole time. Nothing will ache when I'm done. No problem at all."

How would anyone know if she was or was not wearing a bra unless it shows in which case maybe you should be getting a thicker shirt/vest top/nipple covers
OR she has been making a massive deal out of it, teachers have got wind of it and have to do something about it.

In an ideal world we would all wear what we want, reveal as much or as little as we want without anyone being sexualised or ridiculed but life is not ideal and we sometimes have to accept societies norms and rules that's just life!

Why does it matter what any of us feel comfortable doing without a bra? if we are uncomfortable running without a bea we can stick on a bra. This girl presumably is comfortable running without one as she prefers not to wear one. Not sure of the point of the question.

I was a B and later a C cup at school and never wore a bra.
For sports I wore a crop top under the shirt, was always glad to get it off when changing afterwards. Still don't wear a bra, far more comfortable without being tied up in a harness.

derxa because she doesn't fucking like them she feels very uncomfortable in them. I have shown her other options, so just because I took her to a bra fitting it means I haven't shown her other options, how come?

How can you see her breasts if she's wearing a blazer? My dd's uniform involves a blazer and you can't tell what underwear she's wearing.

This thread is a shambles - the amount of misogyny aimed at a 14yo girl is just astounding. OP, try and support your daughter in doing what she feels is right for her body. Ignore the weasels on here criticising you and your child.

I'm curious if folk with cup size C+ can find themselves feeling very comfortable running hard for 20-40 minutes. Or jumping around playing netball (or similar) for almost an hour.

Maybe bra haters never do that aerobic stuff, so that's why they don't have a problem.

can she not just wear a vest? theres no way id accept them forcing her to wear a bra... if the issue is that people can see her nipples then surely a vest will solve the problem. If bras make her uncomfortable she should not have to wear one its disgusting to force girls to essentially wear something that if you have small boobs is just a pointless item supposed to make your breasts cosmetically adhere to some weird standard. If her shirt is see thru she can wear a vest top under it. If its not see thru and its just the natural shape they are commenting on then quite honestly id tell them the 1950s called and they want their ridiculous attitudes back.

You can't see nipples. The shirts are good quality. I'm assuming it's the shape of them outside a bra, as that is the only thing that's left.

No one ever said why it matters where I'm located?

About the odd first post thing, what are you getting at?

wear a vest then. What a load of old rubbish.

Bras are not really good for us, so many myths... In reality they're implicated in cancer and cardiovascular health.
truth

Which is then too hot.

If it's a load of old rubbish, move to the next thread?

So human women never ran before bras were invented sometime last century?

But is there an actual public decency issue here? Female nipples (whether it's right or wrong) are still required for "public decency", in the UK at least, to be covered, (or blurred out for photographic purposes in non-adult content situations) So if her nipples are on view due to the thinness of her shirt then technically it is a public order issue, and one that, however ridiculous, could have the police called to deal with it.

The issue is not therefore, her willingness or otherwise to wear an article of potential torture, but what she wears to cover her nipples. Vest, crop top or our old favourite, masking tape, she should really be wearing something.

School, is not the place to advertise your adherence to the "free the nipple" movement.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/apr/06/free-the-nipple-liberation-photos-breasts

Why are you curious lljk? Common sense tells you some will be comfortable doing it, some wont and some wont know because they either dont run without a bra or dont run at all. There will also be plenty who are uncomfortable running with a bra on.

I think that the school have been very kind actually. Im sure they will have dealt with parents that haven't given daughter a bra (lack of care etc). They have spoken to you and tried to make sure that your daughter isn't laughed at (teased/bullied etc). Good for them. I watched a yr 6 in a school assembly once and I was mortified for the girl in a normal school shirt with nipples clearly showing, very embarrassed for her.