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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

999 replies

EmmelineW · 21/07/2016 15:40

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

OP posts:
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JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:15

Because school has a problem with the way she looks!

Nice! Well they can have problems with how lots of people look, they dont get to dictate those people wear underwear. They get to enforce uniform policy and i'll bet you all the bras in britain there is nothing in their policy saying she must wear a bra.

WiMoChi · 23/07/2016 13:17

I think she shouldn't have to if she doesn't want to. I think if she gets harassed by boys/girls for it then it's them with the problem and that behaviour should be addressed.

He rights and choices as a woman needs to be respected.

Breasts are for feeding infants and children, that's it.

(Lying in bed with mastitis 🙄)

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:17

Was offering an alternative if the op Is simply uncomfortable wearing a bra

What makes you think she is unhappy with her current clothing choices and yet hadnt worked out how to put on a vest? Confused

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 13:17

Jackie, you seem determined she should get her tits out! Bra burner much ?

sashh · 23/07/2016 13:18

I'd be tempted to buy her a conical bra - remember Madonna in the 1980s.

I can understand why might need support for some sports but otherwise if the uniform is see through then the uniform is the issue.

But even for sports it depends on the individual. I don't think one gymnast in the upcoming Olympics will be wearing a bra, nor will many of the other female athletes.

Maybe the school needs to change the sports kit to something that offers support similar to the tops athletes wear.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/07/2016 13:18

Should breasts be invisible? If so then perhaps we should all be binding them? Because bras make them more visible.
Isn't is clear what I mean by visible ? Confused

If teachers are concerned that she doesn't have a female role model there is a problem here, and going against it isnt at her best interest. She will have to go to school next year they need to work together on this, and creating an awkward atmosphere between teachers and OP and her DD won't help her daughter a bit

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:19

you seem determined she should get her tits out!

Wearing a blouse is an active decision not to have her breasts "out". She is very obviously chosen to cover her breasts by the simple act of wearing a blouse. Loving your language on this topic BTW. Hmm

EmmelineW · 23/07/2016 13:20

I already said the female role model thing was cleared up, they didn't think she did until I went in

OP posts:
primitivemom · 23/07/2016 13:20

Just keeping it real dear.

weirdsister · 23/07/2016 13:21

How can the staff assess whether op's dd is wearing a bra anyway? If she goes back in September without a bra, surely there's no way that the school can actually check.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:21

Isn't is clear what I mean by visible ? confused

No it isnt. Breasts are visible whether they are braless or bra covered. Unless a girl or women is completely flat chested then her breasts will be visible.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:22

No idea what that even means primitive

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/07/2016 13:23

OP I hear what you're saying but as I said you need to work with your school, it's not you or them. See what they are worried about. Figure out why your daughter doesn't want to look for alternatives (does she?). You need to work on this together

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 23/07/2016 13:23

There really hasn't been any other concerns, apart from her not doing swimming (wears a pad) that's it though

Sorry, but I don't understand this at all.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/07/2016 13:26

No it isnt. Breasts are visible whether they are braless or bra covered. Unless a girl or women is completely flat chested then her breasts will be visible..

You're playing with words.... Can't you tell if someone C cup doesn't wear a bra?

TheStoic · 23/07/2016 13:31

Sorry, but I don't understand this at all.

I assume it means her daughter doesn't use tampons, so cannot swim while wearing a pad.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:32

cant you tell if someone C cup doenst wear a bra

Clearly not because aside from my mother (who i am in close physical contact with) i can never tell if someone is braless. I assume plenty of people are but I dont notice. I assume some of them are C cups but how would i tell? Confused I am a braless E cup for about 25% of the time and no-one mentions it to me.

flumpybear · 23/07/2016 13:34

Blimey I'm
Am e cup and u can definitely tell if I'm
Bra less like
Now in the garden lol

BeMorePanda · 23/07/2016 13:34

"What about a crop top" is the new "cancel the cheque op".

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:35

And so what happens if you can tell? Does something awful happen or do people just get on with their day?

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/07/2016 13:37

I am a braless E cup for about 25% of the time and no-one mentions it to me.
This doesn't mean anything. Maybe that 25% you're at home, maybe no one wants to tell you that you're not wearing a bra (why would they?), maybe you're wearing heavy clothes on top ... Hmm

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/07/2016 13:39

And so what happens if you can tell? Does something awful happen or do people just get on with their day?

Well I personally don't give a flying fuck but obviously school can't get on with their day, and the implications can be awful for her daughter! So she either homeschools next year or finds a way around it... Her choice!

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/07/2016 13:41

flumpybear I'm a B and you can tell!!! Can I have some of your E please!!!

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:41

Maybe that 25% you're at home,

It includes being at work and in town, school run, asda shopping etc.

maybe no one wants to tell you that you're not wearing a bra (why would they?),

Why would anyone need to? Confused I am aware of how i am dressed. Do people generally tell others what they arent wearing?

maybe you're wearing heavy clothes on top ... hmm

Usually i dont wear a bra when its hot (like this week) so only one layer on.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 23/07/2016 13:42

obviously school can't get on with their day,

They can. They really can. Theyre choosing not to.