DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

Obviously some bras do, they are designed for exactly that.

Lots of bras don't.

Not everyone wants to draw attention to they
If boobs you know! That's not why some of us wear a bra!

Jackie, whether you like it or not, breasts are just as sexual to men and boys as all the rest! What planet are you on

Breasts are sexual to plenty of women too and revolting to plenty of men. But thats their issue to deal with. Their feelings about breasts whether good or bad does not dictate to me or any other women that she should wear a bra when her breasts are already covered.

Also, earth hth.

*their boobs

Many bras are sold/bought to make breasts "sexy".

No amount of non bra wearing will change that.

Err you do realise that there are people who live topless all their lives? Men and women.

I can't see anything about underwear. I'll start a thread on education, thanks.

There really hasn't been any other concerns, apart from her not doing swimming (wears a pad) that's it though, I definitely teach my daughter about these things

I can't see it. Sorry.

And thats exactly the problem.

OP you should raise this through the school's complaints policy which should be published on their website.
Have a look at the school's website for the behaviour and the uniform policy and see if it mentions anything about wearing 'appropriate' underwear.

What if shock horror though people actually want to wear bras? Should we all stop so we stop sexualising the breasts of the minority who don't want to wear them?

Me not thinking it will happen isn't the problem..

I really don't think not wearing bras would make breasts any less sexual..I really don't.

I'd get more attention if anything because they'd be all over the fucking place!

She was sent home... For Thursday and Friday. They said she won't be back in September if she doesn't wear a bra. Who can I engage with right now? I'd really love to know, or can she just go back in September with how she is?

It's not like she doesn't wear a bra only.... It seems you don't want her to wear a bra. Do you want to make an effort to show her the pros and cons of not wearing a bra at school ? Or you want her to stick to what she believes and go against the school?
What do you want?

I have never my entire 48 years worn a bra so they would be less sexual.

Maybe you haven't but stressed just said it would desexualise breasts if none of us wore a bra...

Ignore that comment I completely misunderstood sorry!

I wear a bra, so why would I purposely get her to not wear one? I took her shopping for her first bras, etc.! Took her to the fitting. But she decided she hated them, so it's her choice.

What about a strappy vest or crop top op? Might be better than nothing.

What if shock horror though people actually want to wear bras? Should we all stop so we stop sexualising the breasts of the minority who don't want to wear them?

why would you? Wear what you want, leave others to wear what they want.

I spent a lot of my schooldays not wearing a bra. I got extremely good academic results - which was what I was at school for - and my rather large breasts didn't sag as a result at all.

These days I do wear a bra, as I am 53 and have had two babies and breastfed them, but on a hot day I frequently don't wear pants under my frock. Nobody's ever glimpsed my pudenda (and they'd be particularly shocked because I've got pubic hair) and I'm more comfortable that way.

OP according to school is the problem the nipple or the breast? Sorry but C cup is clearly visible...
If it's the nipple there are nipple covers she can wear and maybe a vest underneath?

OP
Have they given a reason!? Perhaps
They have a genuine issue or problem - it's worth getting the reason for this decision imo but a much as I'd think it's appropriate, if it's not part of the rules then it needs clarifying

What about a strappy vest or crop top op? Might be better than nothing.

Why? Why does she have to wear anything under the clothes she is already wearing? You seem determined that she must cover her breasts twice.

Sorry but C cup is clearly visible.

Should breasts be invisible? If so then perhaps we should all be binding them? Because bras make them more visible. Not less so.

Have you not gotten the point by now Jackie? Was offering an alternative if the op Is simply uncomfortable wearing a bra .

Op dd, I should say.

Why? Why does she have to wear anything under the clothes she is already wearing? You seem determined that she must cover her breasts twice.
Because school has a problem with the way she looks!
So either OP will find ways for her daughter to cover the breasts or they will spend all summer going through school rules, possibly speaking to a solicitor and eventually not being accepted in September.....

OP if there's nothing about wearing underwear in the school policy then your dd hasn't broken any rules and school can't legally exclude her (IMO).