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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

999 replies

EmmelineW · 21/07/2016 15:40

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

OP posts:
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primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:06

Different, are you wearing a white, flimsy blouse? If so go and look in the mirror lol Blush

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:07

Just a quick ?? Would you let her go out with a skirt and no pants? Same thing really and NOT appropriate!!!!

therootoftheroot · 23/07/2016 12:08

emmeline-whereabouts in the country are you? literally south west, south east..? wghere?

differentnameforthis · 23/07/2016 12:08

Why are you blushing, it's only flesh! And no, but even if I was, should I be ashamed?

And op said that you can't see anything through her shirt, so why do you think it is a white flimsy blouse?

MissDuke · 23/07/2016 12:09

Op I am outraged on your daughter's behalf! Personally, I would encourage my dd's to wear bras for changing in school and for support during PE if needed (I am flat chested and fear they will take after me Hmm I wouldn't force them to though.

However this is not any of the schools business, I don't think yabu at all!

differentnameforthis · 23/07/2016 12:11

Well a skirt w/ no pants... - depends on what she was going to be doing & how long it was, really...wouldn't it?

Why the massive hang up about bodies?

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:12

Well, school shirts are normally quite lightweight. I'd imagine you would be able to see. Also I think we can safely say that more than the little group of friends know!

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:13

Theroot I think this is a valid question.

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:14

Different, it's more or less the same is it not?

PaulDacresMicroPenis · 23/07/2016 12:14

But you don't seem interested in engaging with posts about how to effectively sort out this situation with the school. They can't exclude your daughter for uniform infringements, the size, shape & colour of her nipples are completely irrelevant.

littlerabbitface · 23/07/2016 12:15

Woah a skirt without pants at school is absolutely not ok Imo.

Original poster
EmmelineW · 23/07/2016 12:17

She was sent home... For Thursday and Friday. They said she won't be back in September if she doesn't wear a bra. Who can I engage with right now? I'd really love to know, or can she just go back in September with how she is?

Why does it matter where I'm based?

OP posts:
primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:17

Little, why not? It's just a body after all? Surely a woman has the right to dress however she wants?

0nTheEdge · 23/07/2016 12:17

Well if nips are really not on show, then it does sound to me like the school are being twattish. If they won't back down, do you think a vest might shut them up? As a kind of compromise, even though you shouldn't have to? Then you can argue that you're doing your bit to 'toe the line' and if they have a problem with anything else, then they are quite frankly being out of order.

shazzarooney999 · 23/07/2016 12:17

Its not a nice sight a child not wearing a bra, it will cause her breasts to droop when shes older, also I can see it being very distracting to the boys, I think school are right in this im afraid to say, if theres not a medical reason for her not wearing one then she should be.

Floggingmolly · 23/07/2016 12:17

You're still not saying what the other issues the school have with your dd relate to, op...
I'll bet this particular issue is just one thing amongst a whole host of others, and school have a totally different perspective.

BeMorePanda · 23/07/2016 12:17

Oh ffs wearing a skirt with no underwear is no where the same thing.

I'm not surprised your teenage girls are body conscious primitive

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:19

Op, try and advise your dd, it's not appropriate. The school have stated their view on it.

Kennington · 23/07/2016 12:19

This is a wind up.
She doesn't have to wear a bra but why be vocal about it? The only person that would draw attention to this fact is her, or a see through top.

littlerabbitface · 23/07/2016 12:19

I'm not being funny but from being a small child you're taught never to expose your 'privates' as they are just that! Private!

It's far too easy to accidentally flash your bum when you're wearing pants. A sudden gust of wind and your bums out for everyone to see. Path is has happened to me and I've been embarrassed, I cannot imagine how horrendous I would feel if I was completely naked underneath.

It is just a body yes, but some things are not supposed to be shared with the general public, or classmates in my opinion!

StressedAndConfusedArgh · 23/07/2016 12:20

littlerabbitface it's a good thing my nipples aren't 'hanging out' then.

FreedomIsInPeril · 23/07/2016 12:21

And the school can bugger off.

Still waiting for one simple reason why children must wear bras at school, let alone why women must wear them.

primitivemom · 23/07/2016 12:22

Panda , how is it totally different? It's only a body? Also, my girls are body confident, but they know situations where they need to be appropriate .

littlerabbitface · 23/07/2016 12:22

I should hope they're not! But anyone who's ever seen or worn a school shirt knows they are see through. There are very few that aren't see through.... Chances are you can see nipples. As a pp did you can see a white patterns on. White bra. You can see the outline of a white bra so I'm guessing there is a nipple issue to be honest.

eyebrowsonfleek · 23/07/2016 12:24

I have boys and a girl. I've seen plenty of boys flashing the waistband of their underwear when they stretch or crouch down. (Including my own) I'd be pissed off if I was told that this was because I was a single parent and my kids lacked a male role model.
I would say that the real problem is that blouses are too see through and a girl not wearing a bra is as "distracting" to these so-called out of controlled boys as girls wearing brightly coloured bras, push up bras or any bra at all.
As a mother to boys it annoys me that people think that boys need protecting from girls bodies. My boys are not animals. They may be turned on by the jiggly bits of girls but they also respect and are friends with girls.