DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

Why is so difficult now days for people to act normally. Everyone has to be 'different'.
Tell her to stop advertising the fact and unless it's blatantly obvious nobody will notice.
Breasts have two purposes whether you like it or not

And even if she was being massively attention seeking about it, what the school should be doing is saying 'Polly (or whatever), please stop talking about your nipples to the whole class: it's inappropriate and you need to be getting on with your work now' - rather than 'put a bra on'.

Repent are you serious? Do you have a teenage girl? They are normally self concious about their bodies and don't want boys staring. And they will cos that's what they do! Are you trying to tell me this girls boobs wouldn't be obvious to see? Especially if it's common knowledge? I teach my dds that their body is private and they are young ladies, not to be cutting about school flashing their fm tits!

I would be more concerned with the fact she feels she has to shout about being bra less tbh.

I don't get the I would be bullied excuse, if you can't see her breasts under her shirt without a bra how would anyone know to bully her?!

She can't really have it both ways either you can't see she isn't wearing a bra, it's not affecting anyone else and she doesn't make an issue or use it to grab attention

Or you can see she isn't wearing a bra and tells everyone 'to stop bullying' and it is clearly visible she isn't wearing one which will impact on others.

If it's the second I would worry why she needs to use her bra lessness for attention
Or the first then the school should take no issue.

Why did the school enquire whether she had a female role model, op? Did they actually discount you for the role? .
It has to be assumed that there was other inappropriate behaviour from your daughter that lead to that??

Tell her to stop advertising the fact and unless it's blatantly obvious nobody will notice.

The Op already said she doesn't advertise it. If a 14 year old isn't wearing a bra, it will be remarked on. Teens are hyper vigilant about appearance.

OP - try Sloggi, it may make life easier. If you think your dd may have SN, like an autistic spectrum disorder which includes sensory processing difficulties as a major 'symptom', speak to the SENCO or ask your GP for a referral to CAMHS.

Agree with green it's too far!

I'm sure if boys started rocking up to school in chaps, showing their arses to get attention then someone would say something Again, she isn't showing her breasts, so this comparison isn't even on the same scale.

not to be cutting about school flashing their fm tits!

Not sure what an fm tit is, but the OP's daughter is not 'flashing' anything!

Where has the SN thing come from? Did I miss a post where this was indicated - because otherwise I'm concerned at the idea that not liking a bra equates to this!

Repent are you serious? Do you have a teenage girl? They are normally self concious about their bodies and don't want boys staring. And they will cos that's what they do! Are you trying to tell me this girls boobs wouldn't be obvious to see? Especially if it's common knowledge? I teach my dds that their body is private and they are young ladies, not to be cutting about school flashing their fm tits!

Are YOU serious? Nowhere has it been suggested the girl is 'flashing her tits', that's a blatant strawman argument. The OP also says her boobs aren't visible under her shirt. If boys staring doesn't bother the OPs dd, why should it bother you? You sound hysterical.

And no I don't have a teenage dd, but if I did I wouldn't tell one she's a 'young lady', because I'm not my grandmother...

JudyCoolibar Thu 21-Jul-16 16:29:58

I assume the issue about her not being able to come back is pretty academic as it's the end of term. But for future reference schools aren't allowed to exclude pupils for uniform issues.

^^^
Your original question about where you stand with the school was answered 2 days ago op
But you carry on talking about your daughters nipples...

Feckin tits

Different/iCloud I was saying that there is a bigger issue than being bra less. The fact that school
Have contacted asking about a female role
Model suggests a bigger issue that the OP
Is not disclosing - school would not contact home without concerns / hence safeguarding. Maybe the friends have expressed concerns to teachers?

I get that the thread is long, and maybe you don't want to read all of it, but at least have the decency to read the op's posts, because she has said that her daughter DOES NOT ADVERTISE TO THE WHOLE SCHOOL THAT SHE IS BRALESS.

She talks about it among her friends, which is what teen girls do!

Where has the SN thing come from? Did I miss a post where this was indicated - because otherwise I'm concerned at the idea that not liking a bra equates to this!

No need for concern. In every thread about a badly behaved child people bring up SN, so I didn't think it would cause offence in this case!

It's common with ASD. So I thought it would be worth bringing up.

Primitivemom (I see)

In a world where so many girls are insanely body conscious it's wonderful to find one who is so confident. Yet you would seem to want to body shame this girls self confidence away, till she knows her place and is as unconfident as all the others.
Very sad mindset.

We should be supporting young women like this, not seeking to put them down and suppressing their "difference".

Then maybe we would see confidence growing in teenage girls everywhere.

Repent not hysterical I'm just expressing my opinion. So are you quite happy for your dd to go to school with no bra? Don't you teach her about body appropriateness ?

stressedandconfused no of course it doesn't and you know full well that's not how I meant it.

It's completely inappropriate in some professions to have your nipples hanging out. Imo a doctor is one of them.

She isn't showing her nipples

And you know that how?

Holy hell, after 3DS is this the sort of crap I've got to look forward to with my 8 year old DD? How utterly depressing.

And no you can't just choose a new top or skirt if it's uniform.

primitivemom How is being braless "flashing her tits"

My dd (12) & myself are currently braless. Neither of us are "flashing our tits"

Again, it is actually hard to hide the fact that as females, we have breasts. Bra won't stop anyone looking!

Because people were asking as it changes things

I don't think she has SN...

Also, she isn't badly behaved?

Talks about it with her friends only is a bit different to 'is very vocal as she doesn't want to be bullied' so would her friends bully her?
Teachers don't stare at young girls so she's obviously very vocal as op said or it's blatantly obvious and causing issues in school.

Don't you teach her about body appropriateness ? There is a huge difference between this & not wearing a bra under a shirt.