DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

Ps I am bra less today, swinging free as home alone

Pieceofpurplesky- the op has just explained what she meant by vocal. She meant it's not something she tries to hide or is ashamed of, rather than shouting 'Hey I've got no bra one today guys!!'

A 14yr old not wearing a bra is not a safeguarding issue as I can see. I certainly wouldn't think it was report worthy.

Different, come on! White school shirts are very flimsy. You can see a bra through most of them, I'm sure you'd see everything without a bra! She's got balls, I'll give her that.

How could it possibly invalidate your qualifications, Stressed? If you were to announce the fact to every patient who sat in front of you, otoh, it might have a very noticeable impact on your livelihood.
It's the attention seeking aspect that's a bit , not the actual non bra wearing itself which could probably go largely unnoticed without the fanfare.

I sometimes don't wear a bra to work and you can see my nipples when the air con is on. I wouldn't do it in a see through top. Anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off.

Is it possible she has sensory issues OP? Does she avoid certain textures, etc? I have ASD and I have found the Sloggi ones comfortable. You have to play around with sizes so it's not too big or small. The right fit shouldn't really be felt at all.

I agree she shouldn't have to wear a bra at 14. Any male who would be 'distracted' or 'upset' by that should not be working with children in the first place.

The only reason I have resisted the temptation is that I am at work, in an air conditioned office, wearing a thin white shirt.

I did go down the pub without wearing one last night though.

the girl should protect her modesty

Sorry, have I taken a wrong turn and found myself in 1952?

Ive been braless since Thursday. in public where men are!

She isn't attention seeking, it has been clarified that she only discusses it with friends.

Jackie You absolute hussy. Weren't you worried about distracting the poor chaps from important men thoughts?

Shame on you and your wanton ways!

Seek, far from it! We are in the age of porn and boys thinking they can sexualise girls . I don't think it's appropriate for girls with an obvious chest to be parading around with her baps on show!

For me, personally, I'd be checking to see if nips were obvious through the shirt. As much really the colour as the sticky outy-ness (let's face it, nips can quite happily show through a bra and shirt combo if you're built that way!) You might not be looking, but she's obviously under scrutiny from teachers! If there's nothing to see, then I'd tell the school that you don't see the problem and ask them to clarify. If you can see colour, I'd go with the vest and shirt. If she doesn't want to wear a bra, she shouldn't be made to wear one IMO.

Baps

So because we're in an 'age of porn', it's more important for women to ensure their breasts are appropriately packaged? Not having that, sorry.

She is not 'parading around with her baps on show' - she is going about her business and underneath her shirt she is choosing not to wear a bra.

And she shouldn't be advertising the fact! If she was really comfortable with her choice, why justify it? Why would she bother if someone comments? She should just keep it to herself, if she didn't want to wear one fair enough. Not everyone needs to know about it.

Different - boys uniforms are hardly likely to show off their assets and get the girls hormones bubbling! I'm sure if boys started rocking up to school in chaps, showing their arses to get attention then someone would say something ! But then I went to school where people were sent home or suspended for wearing the wrong colour coats, inappropriate hair cuts and the wrong style of skirt.
Plus sent to the science lab for acetone if wearing nail varnish /baby wipes to take off make up - girls and boys alike!!

Confused - burqa, seriously - not into extreme here, just situation appropriate

I never hear that boys should 'protect their modesty'. So, what is this type of physical modesty, exactly? Is it only found in female breast tissue and vaginas? How does it get there? And what happens if it's not properly protected by two layers of material instead of one, or even none?

Please, modesty expert - do explain...

How is she 'advertising the fact'? Girls talk to one another, you know - which is all the OP has said she is doing!

But she is saying to her friends? It's no different to a friend saying she brought a new bra that's really cute, or whatever.

I'm not trying to detail her nipples, but they are like mine when I was a teen... Like there is actually no nipple there, so you really can't see it through a shirt. I assume it's the outline, but you can see the size of someone's breasts with or without a bra.

What I've learnt from this thread is many people think bras are designed to prevent even a hint that a woman or girl might be in possession of offensive "nips".

And some people would not be happy for their H to be in the presence of a bra less woman.

Good grief.

She's not advertising it though is she? If her friends start talking about bras, should she lie and pretend she wears one? Or should she just say, as she is doing, that she doesn't wear them because she finds them uncomfortable.

She isn't walking into class and announcing it with a megaphone.

Her breasts aren't on show. She is wearing a shirt.

My girls and their friends talk about bras, pants, periods, pads.... it's what you do!