DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

Oh dear, I'm a teacher and have often been to work without a bra on! In fact I didn't wear a bra all day today and I doubt anybody noticed - obviously not under a see through top though. I know you can't tell as I mentioned it to a friend at work once and they were surprised.

Saying breasts are sexual is like saying feet are sexual just because some people are aroused by them. Ridiculous.

Hi folks. We've had a good look behind the scenes on this thread and we're happy all is above board so we've reopened it.

Because it was going so well before you locked it Iona

I'm totaly shocked and saddened by some of the posts here! Many of you deserve a for sexualising a child, suggesting that she is an attention seeking madam and that she should dress to please others!

A lot of assumptions have been made too - that she is big breasted, wears blouses which would render her breasts visible, and goes around shouting about it. None od which were suggested by the OP.

Honestly, some of you need to take a good long look at yourself and why you would feel so uncomfortable about a woman/ girl not wearing a bra!!

OP - I'd be quite surprised if the uniform code is specific enough to mandate the wearing of bras. I'd be inclined to take it up with the head, then the boars of govenors and the LEA if appropriate. I wouldn't be in a rush to force your daughter to wear something that really isn't necessary. I'd also be expecting the school to be very specific aboit what their issue is, as you are likely to find its some of the thoughts that have been playes out here and really should be challenged.

I'm really surprised to see this thread back....

nothing to do with the poor menz

I don't want my breasts visible through a t shirt or top. MY choice. ME.

Why on earth are your feelings about your breasts relevant to what someone else does with their breasts?

My dd's blouses are all see through so it would be inappropriate not to have something on underneath once breasts start to grow. Imo.

OP - your dd might be interested in this. Last month the Daily Mail "reported" on some celebrity charity fundraiser for the NSPCC. The Daily Mail decided to report that that Maisie Williams (19 years old and on Game of Thrones) was braless under her frock. Quite rightly she blasted the Daily Mail for focusing on her being braless rather than the fact that she was there to fundraise for a fab charity.

Is her uniform a blouse or polo?

Not worth much I know, but I fully support your daughter.

Im sat on the fence.

In one way im thinking if she doesnt want to wear a bra then she most certainly must not be made to but on the other hand braless boobs are very very noticeable.

I dont know

I think society is very confused about female breasts! It is now definitely acceptable to breastfeed in public (apart from the odd dinosaur who seems to think it inappropriate - but they are clearly wrong ). I was musing on this the other day - I would breastfeed in front of colleagues if I had to, but am very careful not to put my breasts on show on a day to day basis. It is odd that people can see my breasts in one context but not another.

Maybe one difference is that normally if I showed my breasts or nipples it might be assumed that I was trying to draw attention to myself in a sexual way - which is not appropriate in a professional environment and might reflect badly on me. But the truth is that when I wear lower cut tops or don't wear a bra at home I am NOT thinking about looking more attractive - it is often just about buying an item of clothing I like or being more comfortable.

On the other hand, I think I do have quite nice breasts and there is definitely the odd date night when I feel as though I do want to draw attention to them

But I think the point here is that I am an adult woman who can cope with these confused feelings about my breasts. I think that it is embarrassing for a 14 year old girl to have to grapple with the issue. I also think the school have handled it badly - while I can see an argument that school shirts should not be see through, I think that should apply to boys and girls, and I think it is a big leap from that to insisting that girls wear a bra at all times (if that is indeed what the school are getting it). They should just make sure that they have a uniform that is professional and does the job properly.

My pragmatic solution in this situation would be, as others have suggested, to accept that DD should wear some extra layer under a flimsy school shirt but to resist any suggestion that she be forced to wear a bra.

They really aren't, Apple

I don't know what part of the world you live in but I thought all the schools have broken up ?

I was pretty much braless between 11 and 12 then I was shamed into wearing a bra by students, mostly girls.

I hate bras, if I didnt have to wear them, I wouldnt, but I have major boobage so I have too.

PortiaCastis
Very unusual for a 14 year old to be so vocal and insistent.

Have you ever met a 14 year old?

Well done to Maisie Williams for challenging the Daily Fail! (Thanks, eyebrowsonfleek).

If it is part of school uniform, a school rule, she should obey.

I don't know what part of the world you live in but I thought all the schools have broken up?

Mine break up on Tuesday

Hmm.. I think braless boobs under a well made and well structured outer layer are not necessarily very noticeable - hence why so many dresses are made to be worn without a bra.

But if I wear a flimsy top then I definitely feel as though my breasts are much more noticeable, especially when I move. Maybe it depends on the breasts though!

My husband who never notices anything will notice straightaway if i have taken my bra off and he will make some sort of comment.

When i look in the mirror and i have no bra on then i can tell its the first thing i notice.

I do notice that people stare at my chest if i answer the door braless.

I do think it depends on how big you are though

I'm surprised this thread has been reopened!

I remember not wearing a bra until I was about 15. Not sure why, i think i had some issues about puberty. Periods were also a shock. My mum used to nag me about bras, but I ignored her completely. Why should I conform just because she wanted me to?! I was also in denial about developing.

One day one of the boys told me that I definitely didn't need one and shouldn't bother. Staring at my nipples the whole time. I felt completely violated, started wearing bras the next day. Still makes me shudder thinking about it, it was clearly something they'd all been talking about.

Well if this really is genuine then I think you are gong to have to make/persuade/beg/cajole/bribe/appeal her to put one on for school . I can see where the school are coming from and your dd too. I can't see the school budging on this tbh I think perhaps a trip to a lovely shop for some beautiful lingerie is on the cards MUM!