DD's refusing to wear a bra, her Head of Year is saying she isn't allowed at school.

[EmmelineW]

DD is 14 (Yr 9) she tried a bra at 12, hated it and has refused to wear one since. She did try a sports bra, which she wore a couple of times in the day but now refuses and would only wear for PE. She's very confident and popular, so it hasn't ever caused any teasing (she normally makes a joke and is very vocal about not wearing one, she says that if she wasn't, she would be bullied because of it).

She had PE today, which was the first lesson she refused to wear her sports bra, she was told to not take part by her PE teacher - her PE teacher is very 'down with the kids' and mentioned it to her privately.

I would just like to say, previously to this, I was called in to make sure that she had a female role model to talk to about periods/bras as it had come to their attention, that was all cleared up.

Head of Year sent her home today because of it and said she isn't allowed back until she wears one, as it's put under the same category as having a short skirt. Where do we stand with this? Does it come under uniform issues? I'm not really sure what they're saying she can't come back for rule wise.

pome90210 I work in the law too and recently had to decide what to do when a female trainee came in without a bra and with a translucent blouse.

And when I first noticed it I was sitting down and span my chair round just as she was approaching, so I was seated and she was standing. She was, if I can use the expression, "in my face" and I fear my eyes lingered for just a fraction of a second longer than they should have done before I turned back to my desk and avoided her for the rest of the day, or at least made sure that I was so placed that there was no line of sight between my eyes and her nipples.

And call me a coward, but I got one of the older women in my team to pull her aside and tell her that it would not do in a professional environment, and I still think I was right. She has not done it since.

I'll see your Daily Mail Sad Face straight and raise you a Mother, Daughter and random male relative all looking as though their rabbits just died!

Andrew, if she was wearing a translucent blouse then it is the blouse that's the problem.

If I ever wear anything sheer or slightly see through I wear a plain white vest underneath it.

I wasn't aware our society did allow 14 year olds to behave like animals

Whether she wears a bra or not is really not the issue here and would be unlikely to have been noticed by many.

Real issue is her 'being vocal' and making a big deal about announcing it to her classmates. If you think the school/society shouldn't be bothered about it, then don't you ask yourself why your daughter is?

And her bra size is very relevant in this context, as you well know.

Her attitude is what's caused the problem though. Poor school/HoY. I doubt they are enjoying being forced into a corner over this, but by making it so public your DD hasn't given them any choice.

How society views women's breasts isn't the school's fault but they have the unenviable job of trying to police hundreds of hormonal teens in this society that we have. One crusading bra-less teen isn't going to change that.

Get her some of those really comfy support (or not depending on size) vest tops and just let everyone get on with their education!

Fair enough kate.

Pome, you could argue requiring women to wear bras is jsut about an aesthetic?

Shona is that you again?

I wasn't aware our society did allow 14 year olds to behave like animals

Only the boys apparently!!!

Of course she has given them a choice

'I don't like bras, I don't wear them.'
'OK then.'

She should wear something under a school blouse as they are very see through. My DD refuses to wear a bra but wears racer back crop tops. They give her enough support for her age and cover her up so that you can't see nipples through shirt. That should be all the school require.

I think wearing nothing is inappropriate as the blouses are often see through. I also think her "being vocal about it" could be deemed inappropriate depending how it is done. It could easily come across as attention seeking and a bit slutty even if this is not the intention. Think back to the Charlie dim mock thing. She never wore a bra to garden and was very open about this but was called all sorts and had many assumptions made when the reality was it was entirely for comfort reasons.

I would just find her something that covers her up to wear under her shirt and then they should have no reason to complain. She should also have no reason to tell everyone about her underwear.

It's nothing to do with the poor menz.I don't want my breasts visible through a t shirt or top. MY choice. ME Just as some of you seemingly do want your nipples poking through your top.For whatever reason that might be

Right, so the person wittering on about her husband and his business and how uncomfortable HE would be about breasts, and how the other MEN would be bothered....that was a DIFFERENT poster with the exact same name? Because in your earlier posts it was ALL about the men.
You can see how people could be confused First it was about them, but now its only about your choice.
But other women aren't allowed a choice? Interesting if confusing position.

I can completely understand why the DD is behaving as she is, and it's nothing to do with being an attention seeking madam.

Nice judgement on a kid, though

boiledfart

Well said Boiledfart

How about if a teacher didn't wear a bra?is that OK?
I'd find it unprofessional What if the female PE teacher didn't wear a bra?
She'd be the object of ridicule. That's life. Why does your daughter want to make a protest? What's the point? I used to be a runner. Not wearing a bra would not have been a good idea.

To say breasts aren't sexual is ridiculous. We might as well say that transparent trousers and no pants is just fine because we wee and poo from bottoms. We are sexual beings because the species is designed to procreate! I'm the first person to pour scorn on small girls wearing shorts under school dresses if doing handstands etc, but at secondary school things have moved on.

Also, we're not to know whether the problem with the OP's dd's lack of bra is because she is flaunting ginormous boobs at slavering teenage boys or whether the school is concerned that the girl is the butt of jokes. If the girl genuinely has a problem with bras then you can buy cotton vests (not cropped things which are pointless). In fact I bought a set of three from Lidl today for the princely sum of £1.75. Job done.

However, if it is true...the DD is an attention seeking little madam who needs taking down a peg or two. She knows she is getting attention from the opposite sex and she is lapping it up. - Just what fucking planet are you on?!

To say breasts aren't sexual is ridiculous

It really isn't. Is breastfeeding sexual? They aren't in every context. And in this context, what with the owner of the breasts being a CHILD, they aren't sexual. Unless you are arguing that childrens bodies are sexual?

Hi everyone, we're going to remove this shortly while we take a closer look into things - apologies to all who have posted.

Yeah I agree with you boiledfart

Plenty may not but I do

The thing is, bras are not an essential item of clothing. They just aren't. Yes, many women choose to wear one, but it is a choice.

I used to always wear bras. I was a woman, I had breasts - surely wearing bras was just what you did? Right? Then, in 2012 I had an operation that was quite minor but nonetheless left me sore and uncomfortable. I bought two pairs of maternity trousers even though I wasn't pregnant because my midriff was so sore, and putting my bra on was difficult. So I stopped in favour of a vest top.

No one noticed. The world didn't end. No one CARED, more importantly.

And when I came to put a bra on again, I thought 'Christ, that's uncomfortable!' and didn't bother.

I do everything you do, and maybe even more. I walk and I run and I exercise and I work in a school with raging hormones and far from not being taken seriously I have actually been promoted twice bra - less and no one has noticed!

There is a massive money making scam in the bra world. As long as people think they are essential people will spend on them. I don't begrudge that for a minute but I do bitterly resent being told I have to wear an item I personally find restrictive and uncomfortable because someone else thinks that's what a woman should look like.

If the issue is 'you might see a nipple' is it more appropriate if you see a bit of belly? Because if a top is sheer enough you can see a nipple through it you can see other stuff as well. Besides, as I said above, you can be mindful of this sort of stuff without going to extremes. Generally speaking I wear a vest top.

Or is it that boobs move and that's deemed inappropriate? If so, I am sorry if a part of my body moving slightly might offend somebody but I'm not going to be harnessed in all day because a boob might move. We don't make men restrict their genitals.

If you want to wear a bra, and I get the majority of you do, great, but don't make that choice for me.

Rhoda breasts are not sexual, they are sexualised. There is a difference.

Boiledfart

It seems you have a problem with the choices of clothing other woman make, then you could with other people to make sure that another person's clothing gives them a reputation.
This is your choice of behaviour, but don't expect others to behave in the same manner or like your behaviour.