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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have watched 50 Shades Of Grey with DD?

172 replies

BluePresent · 19/07/2016 19:12

DD is 16, we recently purchased 50 Shades Of Grey from the Sky box set. I watched it with her, wasn't an issue. Then DH comes in shouting and telling me that it is inappropriate and definitely doesn't approve... Who is BU?

OP posts:

CuntyPotato · 20/07/2016 16:10

I think better she watches it with you and you discuss the abusive relationship it portrays than she watches it alone/with friends and thinks that that sort of relationship is one to aspire to.

Yes it's a bit icky to watch sex scenes with your mum but that's the case with many Hollywood films TBH so either you grit your teeth or don't watch any cinema.

We are far too prim about talking about sex and relationships in this country in general and I think that's one of many reasons why people end up in abusive relationships - because they have never felt able to discuss them openly and so don't know what is "normal". I know this is a simplification but I genuinely believe that it's a contributing factor.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 16:12

Books written by a stupid woman for other stupid women to read.

I lose a little bit of respect for anyone I know who admits to 'enjoying' them or proclaiming them great romance books.

I lose a LOT of respect for anyone who suggests I read them because 'you love books, don't you, Lilac?'.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 16:14

And I think we can safely assume from the OP's husband's reaction and her continued wide-eyed 'what's so wrong with it' posts that she doesn't get the abuse side of the books/film either and that it's pointless saying she could use it as an exercise to discuss abusive relationships with her dd because she thinks it's just a love story with rude bits in it.

maddiesparks · 20/07/2016 16:16

Talking through the issues it raises is great but I can't imagine for one second that any teenager is going to want to have to sit and discuss and analyse it with their parents afterwards! As if the sex scenes wouldn't be cringing enough! Each to their own though I suppose. For the record I had a very good relationship with my parents and could discuss all sorts of things with them as a teenager (including frank discussions about sex) but I would still not wish to sit down to watch this film with them even now in my 30's.

Jayne35 · 20/07/2016 16:17

I don't think YABU op. I haven't watched it or read the books (can't see what the interest is about really) but my DD watched the film and read the books, probably when she was around 16-17 but to be honest we don't have the sort of relationship where we sit and watch films together, mores the pity. As long as both you and your DD were happy to watch it then your DH should not say anything - especially not shouting!

Reminds me, I once got shouted at by exh for being inappropriate - I was playing the radio edit to 'My neck, my back' by Khia and DD and I were dancing around to it.

BookABooSue · 20/07/2016 16:32

Books written by a stupid woman for other stupid women to read
Yes, if only we could return to a time when only 'stupid' men could write books for 'stupid' women to read.
It was so much better when men had the monopoly on writing abusive relationships and wrapping them up in Hollywood sparkles.
And yet despite the absolute plethora of unhealthy relationships immortalised in books and on film, none of the ones written by men have attracted as much vitriol as 50 Shades. Funny that . . .or just typically sexist.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 17:05

Are you assuming I'm a man?

Because I'm not. Women don't all have to say 'all other women are wonderful' you know.

Women are all different. And some are stupid. Not sexist. Fact.

plimsolls · 20/07/2016 17:13

lilac I'm sure I read a post by the OP that she had discussed the 'wrongness' of the relationship... Or that she had been planning to but her daughter raised it first. As she had with the Twilight films.

I didn't think the OP's "wide eyed" response was because she thought the film was lovely and romantic and "just a love story with rude bits". Perhaps I've misunderstood her posts. I can't see what you're seeing from it.

BookABooSue · 20/07/2016 17:14

I didn't assume you were a man.Women can be sexist too.

Cutecat78 · 20/07/2016 17:24

People are really getting hey up about nothing - DD watched it with her boyfriend when she was 15 - she thought it was shit.

MIL suggested me and OH and FIL
watched it together one eve

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 17:26

It would be sexist if I said 'all women are stupid' or 'all female writers are stupid'.

As I singled out one particular female writer for being stupid and the female readers of her books as stupid (for buying into her bs about it being a loving, healthy, romantic relationship) it isn't.

As a woman, I'm allowed to have opinions of other women (and groups of women) without it being sexist. I do not have to automatically support every other woman on the planet just because we share the same biological sex.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 17:28

plimsolls she only said they'd discussed the abusive relationship after people questioned her about it. She then continued with her 'why is it wrong' posts. I'm not the only one to have pointed this out throughout the thread.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 17:28

It wasn't just women that read the book

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 17:39

In that case, I'll add in stupid men too.

Because I think anyone that reads it (male or female) and enjoys it is a bit thick. Everyone I knew that read it and enjoyed it was all 'ooh, it's so naughty, but it's really a love story and he really does love her' and they genuinely couldn't see the abusive nature of the relationship at all. They thought I was just being silly.

I don't spend my time reading Proust or Chekov but I also try not to read lowest common denominator shite either.

And for balance I'll throw in Dan Brown and Jeffrey Archer.

plimsolls · 20/07/2016 18:21

lilac. I really don't get your point. The OP only said she'd discussed the abusive nature of the relationship after people questioned her about it? Are you suggesting she is lying about that?! Otherwise... that's just what happens on threads surely. People ask further questions and the OP answers them. It would be a shit forum if that didn't happen.

And she continued asking if she was being unreasonable given that (a) it's a mainstream film that was on Sky and shown in regular cinemas (b) she didn't watch it to encourage her daughter to believe this was a good type of relationship (c) they don't find sex scenes particularly embarrassing (d) her daughter and she had what was perhaps a useful conversation abou acceptable behaviour in relationships etc etc.

I just don't get the anger towards her.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/07/2016 18:24

Lilac. I enjoyed the books. I'm far from stupid. I understand it's not a desirable relationship, nevertheless I enjoyed reading it.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 20/07/2016 18:27

Tell you what plimsolls, why don't you go through the thread from start to finish and badger every other single poster who has queried the OP? Rather than just continue to badger me. Because I'm not the OP here. I'm allowed to have an opinion. Even if it differs from yours. Even if you don't like it.

plimsolls · 20/07/2016 18:46

Sorry, you're right. I just saw your posts last and then had an issue with your answer to my post and carried on. Nothing personal. I'll stop now.

BusStopBetty · 20/07/2016 18:52

Dear God, I cannot think of a worse film to watch with a parent.

BusStopBetty · 20/07/2016 18:54

And that's without getting into the crap storyline and even crapper take on a healthy relationship.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 18:54

Nymphomanic volume 1?

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 18:56

Or what's that one with Matt smith where his mum raises him to be her lover? Womb?

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