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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have watched 50 Shades Of Grey with DD?

172 replies

BluePresent · 19/07/2016 19:12

DD is 16, we recently purchased 50 Shades Of Grey from the Sky box set. I watched it with her, wasn't an issue. Then DH comes in shouting and telling me that it is inappropriate and definitely doesn't approve... Who is BU?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 20/07/2016 11:29

I'm going to get flamed for this, and perhaps I'm being thick, but...

As he asks for her permission throughout the entire time, to be controlling, how is it abuse?

I promise I'm not being goady!

weeblueberry · 20/07/2016 11:34

Did she ask you lots of questions about what was happening in the film?

It's not something I'd do personally but what would worry me more is she would have lots of questions afterwards and then look elsewhere, in less reputable places, for answers. And that would cause issue there.

MrsJayy · 20/07/2016 11:38

arethey I think it is about perception of abuse he does stalk and pursude her he is also a complete arse outside of the relationship that is my perception but others is different

branofthemist · 20/07/2016 11:40

As he asks for her permission throughout the entire time, to be controlling, how is it abuse?

Older richer man, uses young girls infatuation to get her to sign a contract that details how she lives her life in general.

Bdsm in itself is not abuse. Doesn't mean the relationship is not abusive. He also goes on to sack someone at a company he owns and gives her the top job (so she is financially reliant on him) , forces her to use the contraception he wants, with a doctor he chooses. There are loads of problems with this book/film.

MrsJayy · 20/07/2016 11:52

Yes i agree it goes further than the BDSM there is an older film called the secretary has Maggie Gyllenhall(sp) and james Spader in it thats more consensual (for want of a better word) than 50shades the BDSM relationship is more equal I just think 50 shades is abusive and tbh a pile of shite even Jamie whatshis name looked embaressed talking about it on promotional stuff

HooseRice · 20/07/2016 12:06

I gave up on my download free thankfully of the books so didn't bother with the film.

It didn't occur to me at the time there must have been cinemas full of idiots people watching soft porn together Grin

inlovewithhubby · 20/07/2016 12:14

I think anyone who watches the 50 shades shitball is unreasonable so yes. It was a shit book, full of typos and terrible writing and now stars an insanely attractive man accidentally promoting abusive sex. It makes me cross. Not seen the film though quite deliberately so can't say whether they have made the film better than the book, though I don't really see how it could be worse. What it could do is present a 16 year old with incredibly graphic, realistic images of abusive sex.

I would worry that a 16 year old seeing that film might construe all sorts of unhealthy views about how sex in a consenting relationship should be. But at 16 you can't stop her and, through gritted teeth, I'd say the next best thing to her not watching it would be watching it with an adult who can explain to her that this is an abusive and unhealthy relationship. If you didn't do that then YABU, yes, but if you educated her before, during and afterwards, then no, I'd plump for saying you did the right thing.

MrsJayy · 20/07/2016 12:14

How awkward everybody going together and being turned on at the same time lots of shifting in seats and fanning themselves whatever tickles your pickle i guess 😂

MunchCrunch01 · 20/07/2016 12:16

personally i watched it on my own - watching almost anything with Jamie Dornan in....i don't think i was really taking any of the film in.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 12:19

I think the book seems more consensual as you get her irritating monologue rambling on about her inner goddess.

maddiesparks · 20/07/2016 12:34

The book was absolute shite, so badly written and utterly boring. I rad about three pages, tried skipping just to the sex scenes which were quite frankly not very exciting or erotic and ditched it completely. The thought of watching this with one of my offspring makes me feel very uncomfortable and a bit nauseous, I mean WHY? Fair enough your daughter might watch it with her friends but why with you? Sorry I think is just too weird. And I agree with your DH - is inappropriate. At least your DD has one parent who has their head screwed on properly. I have a colleague who watched Game of Thrones with her teenagers which I also found a bit odd. An adult can tell the difference between what is fantasy and what is actually acceptable within a relationship, not so sure a 16 year old can.

MrsJayy · 20/07/2016 12:59

20oddyr old Dd said i wasnt to watch game of thrones with her as i might get offended by all the boobs and incest

plimsolls · 20/07/2016 13:14

Why all the troll hunting and claims OP is being goady.

It's not soft porn! It's a Hollywood film with sex in. That is different to soft porn!

The poster who thinks "she did get penetrated". I'm pretty sure that, no, the actor Jamie Dornan did not penetrate the actor Dakota Johnson whilst they were acting out a sex scene.

It's a mainstream film that thousands of people went to the cinema to watch. It's available on Sky Box Set under romance. Therefore, you can see why some people (OP and her daughter in this case) thought it was an Ok choice.

I think it's shit, the books are shit, and it's a horrible view of women and relationships. This is also true of many other films.

I wouldn't have wanted to watch it with my family at age 16 because I would cringe but OP and her daughter clearly fine with it. And is a great opportunity to point out all the flaws and worrying aspects of their relationship to a teenager who is clearly comfortable talking to her mother about that kind of thing.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 13:16

If anybody should be trolled it should be EL James Grin

AnecdotalEvidence · 20/07/2016 13:48

He manipulates her throughout all 3 books.
The expensive gifts that come with conditions attached.
The suffocating, over protective approach.
Buying the pictures of her so that no-one else can have them.
Rescuing her from other men.
Telling her off for things she did wrong.
He didn't gain consent, more coerced her with a non-negotiable approach and withdrew his attention when she didn't comply.
He stalked her several times, following her without consent or knowledge and not allowing her any time away from him.
He was in complete control of their relationship and everything that she did.
Her job, her email, her appearance - all controlled by him. She wasn't allowed to do anything without his approval - when she tried, he took it over!!
All for this ridiculous myth that she saved him with her love - utter bollocks. Had he not been rich, his sleazeball tactics would have been obvious.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 13:54

But he wasn't just rich, he was so attractive that every woman in the restaurant was staring at him...

AnecdotalEvidence · 20/07/2016 14:05

Pass me a bucket

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2016 14:09

But he wasn't just rich, he was so attractive that every woman in the restaurant was staring at him... I know a couple of very pretty men I wouldn't touch with a bargepole. The pretty is skin deep when they are a narcissistic, self-obsessed weirdo.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/07/2016 14:22

My point being that there is no person on this planet so attractive that every woman (obviously no lesbians in that night) in a whole restaurant would be staring at them. The closest maybe David Beckham but people wouldn't stare if he wasn't famous

NedStarksHead · 20/07/2016 14:23

Unless she's read the books, the film doesn't portray much of an abusive relationship.

I think it's totally fine?!

NedStarksHead · 20/07/2016 14:25

Yawn at everyone sucking the fun out the whole thing.

It's fantasy, if you can't separate fantasy from real life then that's your problem not a fucking authors.

user7755 · 20/07/2016 15:25

How do you define soft porn? Because my understanding is that essentially it's less graphic than hardcore, doesn't involve penetration, doesn't have close ups of genitalia, is more about the image, imagination and the story than the act. Just because it's a 'blockbuster' doesn't stop it being soft porn.

I haven't seen the film but I would guess from the trailer and the book that this is pretty much what you get. Nakedness, simulated sex (of various sorts), music panting and groaning. If that assumption is correct then its sort porn!

said softporn too many times

CoteDAzur · 20/07/2016 15:29

Of course YABU. Who on Earth wants to watch BDSM with her 16-year-old DD, anyway? Hmm

heron98 · 20/07/2016 15:58

I think it's fine. She's 16, not 6. You can talk through the issues it raises.

summerskittles91 · 20/07/2016 16:08

Haven't read through the entire thread.. has DD read the books?

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