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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hiding from the smell. Bloody dh

286 replies

TheCatAteMyHomework · 19/07/2016 11:29

So house guest decides to cook. Shows dh the recipe and is checking off ingredient list together. Recipe has ingredient on that dh knows I absolutely hate in food.
He obviously knows this as when I smell it and ask if it's got it in dh laughs and pretends it hasn't and house guest looks sheepish and says they were just following instructions.

Not only do I hate the taste of this stuff but it smells strong so now I am sitting in my room unable to go find something else.

Dh thinks that I'm rude no doubt.
Aibu to refuse it and sulk in my room? It's late here. I'm annoyed that he's let someone cook food I detest and I'll have to go find more food.

OP posts:
LadyLayLay · 19/07/2016 12:15

So your husband can only ever cook things that you like and needs to ask your permission? Has it ever occurred to you that your husband actually just wanted to eat what he wants? Wow.

If this was a man posting you'd be flamed for being controlling and EA. You sound like such hard work.

Original poster
TheCatAteMyHomework · 19/07/2016 12:17

I haven't been rude to guest. Just refused their food. They are welcome to refuse my meals I cook. And have done when I offered sandwiches with the ingredient they hate in.

I'll make sure they're ok.
I'm a terrible host. But why would he do it?

OP posts:
Greydog · 19/07/2016 12:19

Crikey - there's some really unkind remarks on here to Cat. I can fully understand why she's cleared off out of the way, I am very sensitive to some smells, and they can trigger a headache, or make me sick. It's not funny, and I feel very sorry for her.

NeedACleverNN · 19/07/2016 12:19

I don't think it's overly rude considering its your house.

Your dh is a dick doing that though. Mine would never dream of it.

Your house guest will have to get over it. They are a guest and that's it

BabyGanoush · 19/07/2016 12:19

Clove! I hate it with a passion!

Would still try to eat if someone cooked it for me, and not sulk in my room. That is just a bit pathetic. Try acting a bit more grown up?

MrSlant · 19/07/2016 12:19

Well IMHO that was rude of your husband to you AND to your guest. I'm only posting though so I can congratulate you on dettol toothache curry because that is genius and SO right. Gross stuff, vile.

Now go and make yourself a cheese toastie, melty cheese is the only known antidote.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/07/2016 12:20

Refused their food, made it obvious why, made them feel uncomfortable. Would it have been so hard to say 'I'm so sorry, did dh not tell you I can't eat cloves? What a shame, it looks really nice'

As for dh, does he have previous for stuff like this? He sounds like a bit of a tosser.

elodie2000 · 19/07/2016 12:21

CLOVE??? Who the hell has a cupboard full of clove in their kitchen?
Even more baffling when it is disliked by OP so much. Have I missed something ? Did the guests or DH go out and buy it specifically to piss OP off?

YABVU OP. Open the windows and make yourself a sandwich. You need to apologise for being a drama queen.

(Reminds me a bit of when I tried to flounce off to my room because my Mum had the nerve to cook kippers for tea... When I was 10. Both Mum & Dad told me where to get off that's for sure...)

bibbitybobbityyhat · 19/07/2016 12:21

Your dh is a cock.

There are no foods that makes me feel sick, even though there are some that I don't like and avoid if I can. Must be awful to be so sensitive and perhaps a little bit irritating for witnesses to the drama .

EverythingWillBeFine · 19/07/2016 12:21

Hmm tbh, I think both your DH and the guest have been just as rude.
They used an ingredients they both KNEW you don't like the smell of, let alone the taste but carry on regardless.
That's not really an appropriate behaviour, neither from your DH nor from the guest.
And they knew iot too from your DH's smirking and sheepish look of the friend.
Anyone who behaves like this would make me think they would the be laughing at my reaction behind my back. Not great either.

Seeing the reactions of some people about food with a strong smell on a plane, I'm wondering if peole would be saying the same thing if the item was garlic or a smelly cheese! I would guess not.

OP just go and see them. Take your own meal, eat with them. Have a chat with your DH about his attitude towards you (total lack of respect) and throw the f**g spice in the bin.
As for the friend, just reiterate that, as your DH has told him, you really ahte ton stuff so unfortunately you can't eat what he has prepared.
But don';t sulk in your room. It makes you look like a stroppy toddler ad you are losing your moral ground there.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/07/2016 12:22

From the other side a bit...

My OH (we don't live together, or I'd kill him) won't eat (not allergic, just won't eat) anything with: cheese, eggs, vegetables, cream, fatty meat in. Sometimes I cook a meal and he'll accuse me of 'putting cheese in it'. Why the hell would I waste good cheese on someone who hates it? WHY?

So sometimes I do.. And he likes it (although i don't mention it's got cheese, cream, eggs in, but have you ever tried cooking for years without using ANY SINGLE ONE of those items?). So he can't tell and the 'I don't like it' only applies if he can see it/taste it.

OTOH my daughter can't bear coriander and can smell it from miles off. So I don't use it.

Maybe your DH thought you wouldn't notice? (Hard to figure though, those bloody things smell like you wouldn't believe).

Original poster
TheCatAteMyHomework · 19/07/2016 12:22

He can eat what he wants. I am asking why would you wait until the last minute to laugh and say oh yes it does have it in. Ha. Funny.
I don't make him certain meals as he hates a specific food and I love it but never cook it. It's mutual respect. If it was an ingredient that didn't infect the whole house with such a pungent smell then I'd not care. But like someone said above, I live here as well. Why lie and say oh she hates it but she'll just not notice...

OP posts:
amusedbush · 19/07/2016 12:25

YANBU, clove is the worst Shock

I used it for the first time while following a recipe for ham a couple of Christmases ago and it was horrendous, the whole flat stunk it almost ruined Christmas dinner. I didn't even use that much, only what the recipe called for. Bleugh!

NeedACleverNN · 19/07/2016 12:25

Next time you cook make sure you add the ingredient your dh doesn't like and then laugh it off and say "oh didn't think you would notice"

deydododatdodontdeydo · 19/07/2016 12:26

Maybe a bit rude, but not as rude as your DH - what a cheek!

If you hate cloves, you hate them, doesn't matter if we all think they're fine.
My DP hates celery. Can't abide it. I think it's a bit weird tbh, it doesn't taste of much at all, but I wouldn't make a meal with it in and lie about it.

Original poster
TheCatAteMyHomework · 19/07/2016 12:28

I wasn't rude to my guest. They're family so won't care. I was rude to dh in my dh because I feel like I spent ages yesterday cooking a fancy meal for everyone and on my night off I suppose...pah... I get clove food.... and knowing I hate it with a passion he let's it be made. That's weird surely?
I feel like the maid here at the moment anyway so it pisses me off.

OP posts:
dodobookends · 19/07/2016 12:28

YANBU - I absolutely cannot stand cloves either. They are the Devil's toenail clippings. Ugh.

BeMorePanda · 19/07/2016 12:28

Well you are being a bit immature about this OP, however...............

Your DH is a total dick if you knows how you feel about cloves. Why would he not just say to his friend, "oh Cat hates cloves, can you leave that out when you make it"? its very simple.

I get why you are fucked off about this. You cook for them, your DH knows about the rabid clove hatred, it would have been simple to leave it out, and it would be nice to have a meal cooked for you.

Original poster
TheCatAteMyHomework · 19/07/2016 12:29

Trust me to those asking why I have so much clove in the house..I don't. I have tiny jar.. but when it's used as a spice in curry it's like a blasted ambi pur.. just melting into the walls.

OP posts:
Aimtomisbehave · 19/07/2016 12:30

YANBU - you're OH was a dick for using it knowing you didn't like it. And it is a very strong smell.
Throw away all the clove you have, tell your OH he better not buy it again and then eat something really yummy in front of him.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 19/07/2016 12:31

I love clove. I buy that pink clove mouthwash - mmmmm.

And winter mixture boiled sweets. Lush!

Roussette · 19/07/2016 12:32

Why are you calling it "clove food"? I bet you that if you didn't know in advance of eating, you wouldn't pick it up. You are being incredibly dramatic refusing to eat their food and stomping off to your bedroom.

Are people like this in RL? Because I honestly don't know anyone like this.

Spandexpanties · 19/07/2016 12:33

I think you are over reacting. However maybe take this as a thumbs up to you cooking all the food you like which he doesn't

Original poster
TheCatAteMyHomework · 19/07/2016 12:33

How should I have reacted any differently? Grimaced through a pot porri curry. Or just declined. Apologised. And said dh you fool.
I have asked if he's punishing me for being in the bath and taking time out.

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 19/07/2016 12:33

Or maybe your poor guest had already added the cloves and your DH was actually saying Ooops she doesn't like that ....perhaps she won't notice. Could hardly ditch the whole thing at that point without sounding rude to the cook.

The PA text from the next room was ridiculously childish and rude.. Don't be surprised if your guest makes an excuse and cuts their visit short. I'd be booking an Airbnb for tonight already rather than have to spend another night with the kind of atmosphere you've created