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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have a screamer next door.

209 replies

ModreB · 18/07/2016 20:38

Lovely family, but the youngest, about 4yo is a screamer. She screams in the garden, bathroom, living room. Everywhere.

Has done for 2 years since they moved in. Screams instantly at 2am if she wakes up. Screams if the door is shut. Or open. You get the message.

If I'm honest, I feel sympathy for the DM. (DF is absent a lot of the time)

2 older DC's, who dont scream.

I have 3 DC's who didnt scream.

I would never dream of complaining, BIABU to be a bit fed up.

OP posts:
user838383 · 18/07/2016 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/07/2016 21:47

Seminormal well it's very possible she just couldn't stop the child crying and didn't think it was OK, I'm afraid.

Original poster
ModreB · 18/07/2016 21:51

Shouting - fine.

Playing noise - fine.

Gardening - fine.

Ear piercing screams at all hours, without warning - not fine.

OP posts:
hollinhurst84 · 18/07/2016 21:52

Hate it and don't get why (disclaimer - SOME) parents don't tell them off
Child next door did it all the time "SCREAM. SCREAM" alternating with screaming help when nothing was wrong
One day she did it for so long me and neighbour both opened back doors to see what was going on and as we both stepped out she hit the concrete. Fell out a first floor window and broke both her legs. Nobody went out before because she was always doing it
If anything happened on my road and a child screamed about it, nobody would bother going out because it's a standard noise
I always got told no screaming unless you are in huge danger

BertieBotts · 18/07/2016 21:52

DS was quite screamy at 4. He grew out of it.

Froginapan · 18/07/2016 21:53

These threads make me want to bang my head against a wall until there's nothing left.

They're always full of perfect parents with the answer to everything and horribly disablism comments to boot.

I have a creamer/roster/teller/shouter. He's 11.5. He's ASD. No, he doesn't have a neon sign on his head announcing it (where do I get one of those because obviously I missed it memo)

I have tried EVERYTHING.

Yes, it is fucking annoying - 11.5 years, in case you missed his age the first time around.

But do you know what - his noise isn't the sum of him. He's many things that are wonderful.

Earplugs, OP.

Babyroobs · 18/07/2016 21:58

I feel your pain. Until recently our neighbours dd screamed a lot. She woke up in the morning screaming, woke me up in the middle of the night screaming and a lot of the day in the garden. At almost 4 years she seems to have stopped or rather cut down a lot. thank god. I was starting to fantasise about moving house purely because of the screaming and lack of sleep.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/07/2016 21:59

Frog Flowers

SemiNormal · 18/07/2016 21:59

Froginapan I don't think anyone here is claiming to be the perfect parent, nor claiming to have the answer to everything. I think people are just expressing how annoying/frustrating it is to have to endure constant screams, especially if it's through the night and their kids are being kept up when they have school next day or people have work to go to etc.

I appreciate it might feel personal to you but I hope you don't see it as an 'attack', I don't think anyone knows the solution - if they did I guess people wouldn't be so frustrated. Flowers

Original poster
ModreB · 18/07/2016 22:02

Frog as I said I also have an ASD DS. He is now 24yo and woken in the middle of the night, on a regular basis by the screamer.

I am allowed to vent when the child in question has not, according to the Mum and Dad any SN. But is just LOUD. And screamy.

OP posts:
EverythingWillBeFine · 18/07/2016 22:03

Well Froginapan there is no denying that it's very hard to have a screaming child like tis next door.

OP I'm sorry But I think all possibilities have been discussed.
ear plug
Insulating the wall between the two properties
Closing Windows on the side of the garden.
Playing some music (not loud!) to drown the noise...

I would have a chat with your neighbour's though. Explain that the 3.00m scream is really an issue for you (and esp your your DC) and ask if she could do something./ Not aggressive but it might help make the ball rolling.

noiwontmoveover · 18/07/2016 22:04

Am I the only person with a dirty mind who thought I have a screamer next door meant something totally different? Hmm

Owllady · 18/07/2016 22:05

I thought this was going to be about sex Confused

PersianCatLady · 18/07/2016 22:06

There is a family in our road who treat their kids appalling but put on a wonderful show whenever social services visit. One thing that they have advised several neighbours is that we should call the police if we suspect that abuse is taking place there and then.

However the problem is sometimes the kids literally scream for hours on end whether they are happy or sad. There was one time when the toddler was left in the garden (locked out) in just a vest for two hours in the middle of winter and she screamed the place down.

One of my neighbours called the police and after the family had been visited the police visited the neighbour who had called them. He was told that the little girl was fine and that she had been "play screaming". When my neighbour said but she was locked out in the garden for two hours, the policeman said unfortunately there is no proof of that.

I mean what on Earth are you meant to do?
How do you know when they are "play screaming", screaming to be naughty or they are being abused?

Froginapan · 18/07/2016 22:06

Er, yes, some are. Suggesting that the child can be reasoned with, that the child is old enough to know better (my son wasn't diagnosed until he was 10.5 because no one would listen to me), the parents are selfish and even the OP has decided there's no SN because she can't SEE it.

For those of us with a child with a social communication issue due to disability (and honestly, there is no neon sign to accompany said child) it's incredibly wearing to read the same trite commentary over, and over again and frankly makes me want to take leave of my senses and turn into an equally ignorant person in response.

opens the wine

Owllady · 18/07/2016 22:06

:o cross posted!

noiwontmoveover · 18/07/2016 22:06

And am I the only one who read the thread title and thought this was going to be about her neighbour's sexual antics?

Me too.
--I'm disappointed

Owllady · 18/07/2016 22:08

I was actually going to suggest it might just be a normal third child......

Froginapan · 18/07/2016 22:09

OP - apart from the comment about the child not looking SEN I have a lot of sympathy for you - but sorry, I have more sympathy for parents of SEN who have to endure the every day ignorance that we encounter (such as the ignorance in this thread)

Ear plugs really are the only thing I can suggest. They don't work for me as I have sensory issues that make them just as unpleasant as the ear piercing screaming that I endure every single day along with dirty looks, tuts, threats to me and my child....

Owllady · 18/07/2016 22:10

Not having loud sex, the child in the garden...being a third child
But maybe there is a link between loud sex and third born people too. I don't know, I'm a first born, lights off with a nightie on (only joking Wink)

Froginapan · 18/07/2016 22:13

And yes, I am rather disappointed this is another one of those threads - a swinging-from-the-chandeliers neighbour would have been so much more fun (possibly for the OP, too).

Mycatsabastard · 18/07/2016 22:16

Both mine started doing the screaming stuff early on and both of them got told never to scream unless it was a very, very serious emergency.

I told them that if they always screamed, then if they were actually screaming through fear or pain, no one would come because it would be normal to hear screaming. It has worked although dd2 is being assessed for asd and sometimes her sheer frustration overwhelms her and she gets a bit shouty/screechy. Not quite at screaming level but close.

I have also told other children (very kindly and gently) the same reasons they shouldn't scream. So we are very lucky to have 12 or so kids out playing here who don't scream.

Original poster
ModreB · 18/07/2016 22:17

Sorry, but I am very aware of hidden SN. I wont go into details, but DS is profoundly affected by ASD, Dx at 7yo due to, oh, self harming, hearing voices, physical and mental health problems, suicide attempts, etc. I could go on. We are at the moment, OK, but due to the disturbed sleep under pressure.

Our family is being affected by the screamer. Our sleep is being affected by the screamer. I just hope it gets better.

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 18/07/2016 22:18

My 7yr old screams. She's perfected an ear splitting 'Gertie from ET' scream now ( wrong toothpaste, doesn't want to go to bed etc). It's awful. Not found a way of stopping her yet.

YouSay · 18/07/2016 22:20

My dd went through this phase from about 20 months until 2.5 years. We tried everything. Everything. The best advice was to ignore. The more we reacted the more she screamed. It was hell. There was nothing we could do and no where we could go. I was so embarrassed. It was so loud it hurt me, dh and other dcs ears. I resorted to wearing ear phones with music at home. I still shudder at the memory and it eradicated my want for one last baby.