to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

[CocktailQueen]

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

There is so much ignorance about sun safety on these threads.

The idea that sunscreen creates a 'false sense of security' is a bit silly. The solution is to take other, complementary sun protection measures, not to ditch sunscreen.

mommawoo Any remotely decent sunscreen blocks UVA and UVB rays. A hat, t-shirt, and staying 'in shadow' is not sufficient, as the sun's rays bounce off sand and concrete surfaces at an angle.

SunSmart guidelines in Australia are (off top of my head):

1. Stay inside between 11am and 2 pm
2. Use a broad spectrum (ie UVA & UVB) sunscreen, water resistant, in factor 50+. Use a generous amount and pat it in lightly, don't rub in hard (as this can break down the chemical structure of the sunscreen and reduce its efficiency)
3. Reapply after swimming, or at least once an hour.
4. Wear a broad-brimmed hat, preferably with a neck flap at the back
5. Wear a close-weave t-shirt or rash shirt. (The density of the weave is what provides the sun protection)
6. Sit under shade when not in the water.

If you're more worried about the 'carcinogencic' chemicals in sunscreen than the risk of skin cancer, the vast majority of the medical profession would disagree with you.

To be fair, we're bombarded with images of women on beaches wearing fuck all.

12 year olds see that shit.

We also have a culture where a 'tan' is considered desirable.

I would have made sure they all got some shade and reminded them all to drink lots and reapply sunscreen.

I am obsessed about sunburn though.

While my children know the dangers of too much sun, if they are enjoying themselves they are likely to forget, or not really care at the time.

People are being well harsh here. I hope I never entrust my kid to you guys for the day...

Isn't it just courtesy? Good hostessing, regardless of the age of the child? Wouldn't you feel a sense of responsibility - you've got a garden full of kids, it's a hot day, I'd be facilitating shade-based nail-painting activities or something. Not because I'm a helicopter parent or because I don't believe that they shouldn't take responsibility for themselves too - but because it's the sensible thing to do.

I'm with you OP - yanbu. I would have insisted the DC had a break from the sun, and provided lunch and drinks. I am amazed how little respect for the sun there is on MN. They're 12 year olds, not adults. I would, as the adult in charge, not want to send DC home dehydrated and sunburnt.

Jeebus. Can I just take exception to this comment from Mommywoo

"Also sunscreen only blocks UVB rays, the kind that only penetrate the top layers of skin and lead to burning. They dont protect against UVA rays that reach deeper and have been linked to skin cancer. Sunscreen gives people a false sense of security so they end up spending 5 hours in the midday sun soaking up UVA rays with no protection. Many sunscreens are also full of carcinogens. So when people say that sunscreen gives you cancer, they are not completely wrong."

No. The scientific bit here is wrong. Sunscreen is a very good way of protecting your skin. Most good sunscreens also protect against UVA and UVB. (see this for an example www.boots.com/en/_1450958 ) That's why dermatologists (secialising in skin cancer) recommend using it. I would also like the poster to link to a scientific study showing that "Many sunscreens are also full of carcinogens. So when people say that sunscreen gives you cancer, they are not completely wrong." because I call bullshit.

Of course you should also be sun safe and stay out of the hottest part of the sun, and my DS don't go anywhere without a hat and a UV rash vest/suit.

Rant over.

I'm sure that if someone said they were hosting a pool party for 12 yr olds on a hot day and asked for advice, then people would be saying to provide shade, keep them out of the sun at peak times, remind them to put on cream and provide plenty of drinks.

Boosiehs, agreed - it's (dangerous) nonsense.

I would have reminded them about sun lotion and encouraged them into some shade for a while. I would also have shown them where the toilet was and instructed them to help themselves to drinks!

My Dc are younger though so maybe I'm unreasonable.

Indeed KoalaDownUnder. high five for good sense

Was this at someone's private home, or a lido?

It's often the case that you have the sunburn before it starts hurting or even really shows. It continues to "develop" after you get out of the sun. So waiting till someone is already pink is waaaay too late.

It would have been nice if the party had been from 2-7pm. It would have meant less worry.

I am originally from the tropics. You can't expect hosts to handle a 12 year olds personal care issues: drinking, toilet, suncream; but at the same time, you know that 12 years olds aren't full fledged adults, so I would definitely put a rash top on kids, even 12 years olds if I knew a 5 hour pool party without me there to interfere was about to happen. And, depending upon whether is was a private house and the size of the party, I might pop a water bottle in my kids changing bag.

A few friends over to a back-garden pool is different from an "all year, class party" with 30 kids at a community pool. Obviously, in the first scenario, you would expect more curtesies.

I would probably have encouraged drinking water, staying in the shade during the hottest part of the day and I might have suggested reapplying sun cream after swimming. But I don't think she was negligent not to do so, a 12yo is definitely old enough to think ahead a bit and sort out their own drinks and sun cream.

Key here is whose responsibility was it to make sure the kids were not in the sun for 5 hours? And as someone said upthread it is very difficult, as a 12 year old at a party, to say 'let's all go sit in the shade for an hour'. She thought the suncream was protecting her.

As parents we need to educate but also a good host would have provided and insisted on shade for some of the time.OP says every single one of those kids got burnt. That's completely their fault is it?

Perhaps a reminder from the hosts about sun cream but your DD should have taken something to put on over her swimsuit/bikini and been responsible enough to do it herself!
If she can't ask for a drink/toilet when needed then she isn't old enough to go to her friends houses! She could've asked her friend, rather than the friends parents, if she was that embarrassed. Sounds like perhaps she's been wrapped in cotton wool and is having trouble fending for herself?

Yes yabu
At high school age I'd expect the kids to be OK left to their own devices (obviously with an adult over seeing, without actually participating, if that makes sense )

Don't worry about being told you are being unreasonable. I do about a thousand unreasonable things a day, still think I'm a pretty OK parent though

Hope your DD heals nice and quick! Aloe gel is amazing for speeding sunburn recovery btw.

I probably would've reminded them and made sure they knew where to get drinks and where the toilet was but tbh not sure what more you expect for twelve year olds!

spf50 enables me to be in the sun for about an hour so I would've been telling the kids to get in the shade...however, maybe the hosts family doesn't get affected so quickly and it didn't enter their mind....or maybe the kids weren't listening either...

Would people really host a pool party and not try to keep an eye on people's sun exposure?

Yes, a 12 year old should be responsible for their own sun safety but considering how crap adults are at doing that in the UK it's not surprising there are many children who aren't aware of what they should be doing.

So many people on MN believe that you can't get sun damage unless it's over 25c and the sun is out. It's hard to expect kids to know how to be safe in the sun when their own parents can't do it.

My 13 year old is as impulsive as they come, he would simply forget to reapply if he was busy having fun or he wouldn't think about the consequences until it's too late. If I was the host I wouldn't throw my hands up in the air and not bother because they are 12 and 'should' be able to be responsible for themselves. At that age the maturity levels are going to vary.

It is irresponsible to hold a pool party for children and not make sure they get a decent amount of shade and encourage drinking by having easy access to drink they can help themselves to.

I am far from a helicopter parent, by many people's standards I'm pretty bloody lax but if I'm looking after other people's kids in this weather I'm going to make sure they are safe in the sun, because even though they should be responsible themselves I'm not stupid enough to think they will be or that their parents have educated them about it adequately.

I'm sure that if someone said they were hosting a pool party for 12 yr olds on a hot day and asked for advice, then people would be saying to provide shade, keep them out of the sun at peak times, remind them to put on cream and provide plenty of drinks.

Of course they would. No one would say to let them get on with it because they are 12 and if they get burnt or dehydrated it's their fault.

Yabu

We have lived in hot countries and had swimming pools and I think I might have asked but, at 12, I would have assumed the DC would look after themselves.

It wouldn't have crossed my mind to be fussing with drinks or telling them wHere the loo is. If your DC didn't like to ask the host then why wouldn't she ask her friend. I think that's a bit peculiar.

OP yabvu, she is 12, not 5 and is responsible for herself. Can she not ask for water? Is she not able to ask for the toilet? Can she not apply her suncream and wear a sun hat? Geese when are you going to stop babying her! Even my 4 year old can ask for a drink, and the toilet, unless she has SN, and needs help with that.

I have olive skin, and very rarely burn (though it has been known to happen after 8 hours in the water)
By age 9 I knew sun-cream went on every hour if in the water. Every 2-3 hours if not, though I very rarely bother in the UK, unless I am swimming out doors in summer.

If your DD was wearing clothes when out of the water (I assume that's why you sent them) and reapplied her sun-cream regularly, like she said she did, then she really shouldn't have burnt. Especially since you insist she doesn't burn easily. I reckon she's fibbing about something somewhere and didn't put it on enough or cover up.

Though I would have expected the host to put up some kind of cover and get them to sit down to eat their lunch.

Why do people keep asking why she can't apply suncream? She did reapply frequently and still got burnt. Agree, if adults aren't aware of the dangers of 5 hours in the sun, cream or no cream then how can a 12 year old..? Though I do agree about drink/ toilet.

We took 7 of DDs friends to the beach for the day - one of them was a very fair red head. We offered her sun cream many times, but she declined every time. We asked her to cover up, she didn't. She was too old to force her to do anything.
She burned. Badly. Blisters - off school, very poorly.
Her mum phoned me and had a rant at me because apparently it was my fault.
I still do not know what I could have done differently, other than demanded her mum made the 100 mile journey to collect her.
Agree with other PPs that 12 is old enough to ask for a drink and find out where the loo is.