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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

301 replies

CocktailQueen · 18/07/2016 10:57

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

OP posts:
Givememorewine · 18/07/2016 13:36

12 yo can't ask where the toilet is... really?! Grin Hmm

Primaryteach87 · 18/07/2016 13:38

The hosts were probably busy getting food, making sure no one drowns/is being silly.

If I had one 12 year old with me I'd remind them but at a party I might not.

I do think she's old enough to re-apply and/or put a hat/t shirt on to cover up.

Orwellschild · 18/07/2016 13:40

Love these threads.
OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: No, I'm not.

BadToTheBone · 18/07/2016 13:40

As host I'd have made sure I'd put a bottle of sunscreen out for everyone to use and would've shouted a reminder every hourish. I'd also have put out plenty of drinks and would've shouted so everyone was aware. That said, I wouldn't have checked they'd all heard or that they'd all used it and I certainly wouldn't have given tours of the toilet facilities to 12 yo's.

Devilishpyjamas · 18/07/2016 13:41

Sunscreen is a bit more controversial than people geverally realise (cancer research UK used to cover the controversy on their website, don't know whether they still do) I always go for uv protective rash vests when water & sun are involved (& a hat for when alongside the water).

At 12 she should have been able to ask for a drink/the toilet. I can imagine my youngest (11) being a bit hopeless in that department so I would have lectured him beforehand. As a hostess I would provide drinks & might check about sunscreen but I wouldn't apply it to anyone (unless asked) & would expect the kids to ask about the toilet.

KoalaDownUnder · 18/07/2016 13:42

Always, how old were they?

Sallystyle · 18/07/2016 13:43

Love these threads.
OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: No, I'm not.

Err, clearly not all of us think OP is AIBU. And just because others think she is being unreasonable doesn't mean OP has to change her stance.

cestlavielife · 18/07/2016 13:45

you said she applied and reapplied suncream so what more could anyone have done?

Ladymuck · 18/07/2016 13:45

I have to say that if I were the host of a pool party and all of the dc were sunburnt at the end of it, then I would be feeling in part responsible. I do expect to return the vast majority of guests unharmed back to their parents. There will always be one or two who manage to distinguish themselves in some way or other, usually by displaying some lack of common sense. But for every child to be burnt, it does suggest that little thought had been given to the arrangements.

Delatron · 18/07/2016 13:50

Exactly ladymuck. Every single child goes back sunburnt. That's pretty serious! I would have been devastated, especially if they had never suffered before. Any incidence of sunburn raises skin cancer risk. This is serious stuff and a lot of responsibility to place on 12 year olds who may not have been educated on being safe in the sun.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 18/07/2016 13:52

No 12 year old ever lied to their Mum about following a rule they blatantly did not, did they, ever...Hmm

I'd expect my 12 year old to have the sense they were born with & that I'd spent 12 years instilling in them.

  • Drink lots of a hot day, especially when running about
  • Wear a t shirt for part of the time
  • Get DRY before applying sunscreen
  • Apply sunscreen (pair up to do backs)

If she couldn't ask where the toilet was, I'd definitely feel I'd failed as a parent.

She was having too much fun to bother getting a drink & applying sunscreen, it happens. She needs to take responsibility & Id take responsibility for not preparing her better for it.

Stop blaming the host - they're 12 not 5.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 18/07/2016 13:55

I agree with LadyMuck actually. Although the responsibility is definitely with the OP to make sure her DD knows how to apply sunscreen and cover up properly, if still feel terrible of every child at a party I hosted got sunburnt!

I went to a wedding in a hot country recently which was all outdoors with practically no shade at all for over 100 people. People were far too hot to the point where it was a bit dangerous I think for some of the younger children, pregnant and older guests. I definitely thought that was poor organising on the part of the wedding planner. The difference with that I suppose is that the hot weather was predictable there.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 18/07/2016 13:55

*I'd still feel terrible, not "if"

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 13:55

Love these threads.OP: AIBU?Everyone: YesOP: No, I'm not

Have you RTFT? Or just jumped in to add your helpful comment so you feel part of the gang?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 18/07/2016 13:57

sorenofthejail

If YOU had read the thread you'd have seen U2's OTHER posts.

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 13:59

If YOU had read the thread you'd have seen U2's OTHER posts

Umm - I am not talking about U2. I am talking about orwellschild

Did you read that comment?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 18/07/2016 14:09

Oops. Sorry💐

I need ☕️

I'm in a filthy mood re something else, clearly being snappy, so I think I'd better go and DO something instead of biting heads off here.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 18/07/2016 14:10

💐 sorry about your name too, I have very blurry eyesight today. Another good reason to put the iPad down!

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 14:11

That's why MN needs a quote system. Grin

AIBU is an interesting place if you're snappy. So many things to snap at.

BananaChew · 18/07/2016 14:14

For a 12yo, yes I think yabu. She should be able to ask for a drink, or where the toilet is. She's also old enough to know to cover up, or spend time in the shade.

P1nkP0ppy · 18/07/2016 14:19

I suspect that because she was in and out of the water she didn't feel hot and she didn't realise that you certainly can burn in the water because it magnifies the sun's rays. I have burnt after plastering on factor 50 and going in the sea and that was in cloudy weather.

It's nobody's fault, the dd will learn from it and I bet she pee'd in the pool!

blowmybarnacles · 18/07/2016 14:21

YANBU - I would have reminded children about sun cream and drinks, they are still children after all.

Yes, most 12 years olds may remember, but adults still forget don't they?

I hope tour DD is Ok.The all day P20 is good for the next time.

diddl · 18/07/2016 14:22

Were they just left to play about in the pool for 5hrs then?

AppleSetsSail · 18/07/2016 14:27

Sure, if she were super-conscientious. My view is that you make assumptions that people will go above and beyond the minimum for your child at your own risk.

blowmybarnacles · 18/07/2016 14:28

Quite shocked how uncaring some of you lot are - I get the bit about going to the loo, as she is 12 but if I've get friends over I'd say, ooh are you going a bit red, need any cream?

Can I fetch you a cold drink?

A HOST hosts and checks on the guests. Shock