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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

301 replies

CocktailQueen · 18/07/2016 10:57

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

OP posts:
sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:14

I think it can be hard for DC to know they are burning until it's too late.

If you asked a whole lot of children who were having fun and who had put their cream on if they were ok and not burning, you'll probably get told they're fine.

Avoiding mid day sun and staying in the shade is a better option - even if you've applied lotion.

clam · 18/07/2016 11:16

How do you know the host didn't check they had sunscreen on? And if she did, your dd would have said that yes, she did and that she'd reapplied it.
What more could the host have done? Sunburn doesn't usually show up until it's too late anyway.

A 12year old should have been able to ask for the loo herself. And also a drink too.

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:16

you are more aware of keeping out of the sun/keeping covered if you know you have no lotion on

Exactly. Sometimes lotion can give you a false sense of security and children are not often going to feel they are burning.

But it's hard to go inside / stay in the shade if your friends are outside having fun. Peer pressure and all that.

plimsolls · 18/07/2016 11:17

joff has another point in that I'm sure I've read that applying too little sun cream is worse than not applying any at all. Apart from the "false sense of security" thing, I'm sure there's something about the dangers of suncream when it's only partially absorbed. Something to do with refracting light. I don't know.

I just always make sure I slather it on liberally and make sure it sinks in well.

My dad, though, is convinced sunscreen leads to skin cancer. I don't think he's right.Hmm

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:17

What more could the host have done

Suggested that part of the party could be in a shaded area for at least some of the time?

Highlandfling80 · 18/07/2016 11:18

So just because he is the family breadwinner he gets to sit on his arse whilst his wife prepares for the party. That in itself is bad enough.
However, isn't would also appear that be agreed to the paddling pool but when it came to it probably thought Sah wife would deal with it.
He is clearly a lazy entitled arse and no wonder many men are like this because they have even complete strangers on the internet treating them like god as they are the breadwinner .

murphys · 18/07/2016 11:18

5 hours in the sun is a long time. Even if you put sun cream on a few times, they are still going to burn. Water resistant cream isn't waterproof cream. They are very different. Water resistant must be applied every time they come out the water as it does wash off.

If all the children are burned, then its because they were all in the sun for too long.

Surely if it was a party, there was some drinks on offer.....

Highlandfling80 · 18/07/2016 11:19

Sorry wrong thread. No idea how that happened.

HermioneJeanGranger · 18/07/2016 11:20

12 year olds are capable of applying sunscreen (or asking a friend to help), going to the toilet and and asking for a glass of water. YABU.

clam · 18/07/2016 11:20

How do you know there wasn't a shaded area?

Hoppinggreen · 18/07/2016 11:21

I have an 11 year old and if I didn't think she could/would ask for a drink or the toilet or be careful of the sun then I wouldn't let her spend the day out without me.
If I was hosting I might occasionally say to not get too much sun to the children and stick a bottle of factor 50 out and tell them where drinks were if they wanted anything but I certainly wouldn't be asking a 12 year old if they needed the toilet.

PerspicaciaTick · 18/07/2016 11:21

As host, I would take responsibility for providing some shade, maybe putting up a gazebo or umbrellas. I would also have put out jugs of water for visitors to help themselves.
But I wouldn't expect to chase 12 years to put on suncream, remember to drink or tell them where the toilet is. Presumably they are friends with my DC, so I'm not sure where the embarrassment is in asking a mate where the toilet is.

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:22

All the other dc at the party are burned too

I bet there was a lot of peer pressure there. Who is going to admit they are feeling burnt / are burning in front of their friends?

And people are going to feel reassured because they have applied lotion. Even all day lotion.

Stillunexpected · 18/07/2016 11:24

You said your dd did apply suncream several times so I'm not sure what you thought the mother should do? At 12, she should definitely be able to ask for a glass of water and to go to the toilet! You also only have your dd's version of events. Maybe the mother did ask about sun cream but was told by the kids that they were applying their own! Maybe she was reminding them to drink - you can't physically force water into someone nor should you have to at that age!

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:24

We still need to do a lot more about sun education in this country. In other countries where sun exposure is more regular, they know how to avoid the sun at certain times of the day.

I still think that we have a culture of tanning and 'I've put in some sun cream, it will be ok' - and then go out in the sun at peak exposure times.

It would have been natural for the DCs to avoid too much sun exposure

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 18/07/2016 11:27

12? Nope YABU.

Under 10 or so, yes the hosts should check/help apply sun lotion, remind them to drink etc. Over 10 as a rough guide no they should be pretty self sufficient with such basics.

And not asking where the toilet is? That's a bit worrying she can't do that at 12! Even ask the hosting friend if she doesn't want to speak to the parents? Or follow someone else in when they say they're going? I think you may need to work on some independent life skills OP.

Yika · 18/07/2016 11:27

I think YANBU actually. If hosting a pool party the hosts need to make sure the party and the children are sun-safe including shade, drinks, watching out for burning etc.

I think children - even 12 year olds - wouldn't notice they were burning until they were actually burnt (and even then I think they are likely to prioritise having fun over going in the shade and sitting away from the other kids).

5 hours in hot sun is too much for anyone even with suncream. I think the hosts were irresponsible.

murphys · 18/07/2016 11:27

I just want to add in.... factor 40 cream means that you could stay in the sun 40 times longer than you could without cream on, without burning. So in 5 hours, she will have had to apply the cream 7.5 times to have been protected from burning at all. And factor in the amount of times she was in and out the pool, each time to be reapplied.

Keeping out of the sun between 11am-3pm is the guideline here (SA) for sun protection, as that when it is the strongest.

You really cannot just depend on cream to prevent burning.

That said, so your dd has a bit of sunburn now. Just make her rub in lotion after her shower or bath, to prevent peeling. I don't think one sunburn will damage her skin permanently. And make sure she drinks a lot to rehydrate again.

OliviaStabler · 18/07/2016 11:30

No. At 12 I'd expect her to apply lotion every so often and have the social skills to ask fro water and where the bathroom is. However I would have made sure there was some cover and they did not have to be in direct sunlight all the time.

whois · 18/07/2016 11:30

About the toilet or a drink - she should have asked at 12.

But actually its quite hard to know you're burning especially if you are in and out of the pool so are not feeling hot. So a bit or a reminder about coming out of the pool and drying off and putting another load of suncream on might have been good. But a tshirt would have prob been better.

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:30

If hosting a pool party the hosts need to make sure the party and the children are sun-safe including shade, drinks, watching out for burning

This. In a sense, I think the AIBU is 'wrong' - as it's only about sun screen.

AIBU to think that the host should have made sure the children are 'sun safe' at a pool party for 5 hrs on the hottest day of the year?

specialsubject · 18/07/2016 11:32

temperature obviously utterly irrelevant. 3 weeks off UV peak IS relevant.

you should teach her to drink regularly and ask where the toilet is. You should also have provided her with a rash vest and sunhat, plus instructions regarding suncream. I do get that at 12 she's likely to forget the last, but if she has no special needs she should be capable of the rest.

reallyanotherone · 18/07/2016 11:32

Should have been factor 50. 40 is not enough for being out in the sun all day. Did you give her a t shirt or rash vest to swim in as well?

I hate sun cream, so mine have the choice to use it or cover up.

I'd expect there to be water freely available at least. Otherwise 12 year olds should be able to sort out toilet etc..

It's really hard to tell if you're burning at the time. It often doesn't show till later on.

Artandco · 18/07/2016 11:33

I would say it's everyone's fault in a way

You should have made sure she had a long sleeve tshirt or rash vest for 5 hours outside.

She should have work said top and asked for water and where toilet was

Host shouldn't have had a pool party at midday in sun. 1-4pm they could have had food, games, music, chatting in the shade outside. Then pool 4-6pm when it's warm on a sunny day but not midday high sun.

SoupDragon · 18/07/2016 11:34

dd did apply and reapply the cream

Maybe you need to teach your DD about how sun screen works.