to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

[CocktailQueen]

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

I can easily see how a 12yr old, living in a country with very little sun-sense, would end up in this situation. In my experience the UK has very little respect for the damaging effects of the sun. As soon as it gets a little hotter, a majority of the population are removing clothes and getting "some rays"

Living in Oz for the last 10yrs, it is taken much more seriously here. And yes, I do know that it is hotter here etc, but that doesn't mean that it is any less damaging in the UK! I would never allow a child to get into this state if they came to my home on a hot day. If they refused to do what was needed to be careful in the sun, they would be sent inside.

My 12yr old knows how to stay safe in extreme temps, because the majority of Australians respect the heat/sun. And it is taught at a very young age. But I can see how a 12yr old in the UK wouldn't have the same knowledge, and therefore need reminding.

Sorry, also wanted to say that even though my daughter has been taught from a young age wrt sun safe etc, she does still need reminding. So it stands to reason that a child in the UK would too.

Many parties have risks involved. A few years back, ds had a paintball party. They were quite the thing then, I am glad to the novelty has eased off a bit now. Well to cut a long story short, I had to return a 14 year old boy home, with a bleeding eyeball..... . For some unknown reason, he decided to take off his helmet whist running from one spot to the other. One of the adults supervising had a hole in the side of his face.

So, do not allow your dd to go to a paintball party....ever! Chances are she will return with more than sunburnt shoulders and back....

yes, before I get flamed I did phone the mother and explain and offer to take him to hospital, she asked for me to rather bring him home instead

Yes you are unless she has special needs.Would be very odd for hosts to be putting suncream on.What were you even doing asking her how often she went to toilet! She is 12 not 4.

For next time: use p20 suncream. Applied appropriately it lasts for 8 hours and doesn't need to be reapplied. Its a clear liquid that soaks into the skin. It also helps prevent your child's skin becoming sun sensitive. Sunblocks ensure the skin doesn't get used to the sun so the risk of burning is the same all year round. I use p20 on my kids - one very fair and it works brilliantly. That said if they go to a pool party they wear those uv sunvest things which are great for a long stint in the sun.

For next time: use p20 suncream. Applied appropriately it lasts for 8 hours and doesn't need to be reapplied.

It won't last for 8 hours if your child will burn in 3.

It depends on the child. If she couldn't ask for the toilet then I guess she is very shy. There should have been drinks (and snacks) available for kids all the time on a hot day. I know that my boys would forget or not bother to reapply suncream and would be so caught up in the party that they wouldn't notice they were burning. If I was the host of the party I would be running around checking that kids weren't burning - but difficult if it was a lot of kids.

If she couldn't ask for the toilet - She didn't need the toilet, she was dehydrated.

Better put some sunscreen on that cheque before you cancel it, OP

She didn't need the toilet, she was dehydrated.

She only became dehydrated midway through the thread. At the start she didn't like to ask.

If I have my children's friends round for garden activities, I certainly supervise properly and if any looked like they were getting a bit red, or too warm would ask if they were OK/needed suncream/a drink etc. That said, I always make a huge jug of squash and keep replenishing for them anyway.

Some children are shy, I was as a child and would be scared to ask for things. It might be worth a word with the parent host next time, to let them know that your child is a bit introverted and might need checking on.

I see a lot of posts like "She should know to reapply" and "Why can't she ask where the bathroom is" and I think about the fact that a year ago while doing one of my studies I neglected my sunscreen and wandered around for half an hour trying to find the bathroom myself (not something I'd do in someone else house!).

Look, adults can forget too and a 12 year old is far more easily distracted. It's not like saying "Oh, she should be coming out and reapplying it" just mention to the 12yo "Hey, you look like you're burning a bit, time to reapply?" The same as you would to ANOTHER ADULT and as for the drinks, it's very rude to just help yourself without permission, so that was the adults responsibility.

A lot fo kids are embarassed about the toilet, a lot of adults are, and generally when you have guests (in groups) you tell them where the bathroom is in case they need it.

YNBU, If you wouldn't treat an adult that way, why the hell would you treat a kid that way?

I've just returned from 2 weeks in Greece < stealth boast > where my 10 and 12 year old spent all day every day in the pool / on the beach / on the water/ cycling / playing tennis .

Both of them managed to not get burnt or dehydrated and used the toilet regularly . I thought this was just normal parenting but having read this thread I realise that I'm ABSULUELY AMAZING and MOTHER OF THE YEAR

Go me

But you don't see the burn in the bright sunlight. The colour develops a few hours after you get home or indoors.

As for drinks at a pool party - no, it's not rude to help yourself. A hostess should put out drinks in ice in a cooler and check to see that they are being drunk. Drinks should be buffet style. If this wasn't done then I would fault the hostess.

Why would children be embarrassed about the toilet? Or adults either? People should really get over themselves. How is this girl going to manage when her menstrual cycles arrive?

It is a parent's duty to deal with a child's inability to ask a simple question of an adult or a friend (presumably the DD here was a friend of the DD of the hostess). You can be generally reserved, quiet, etc. but still able to ask for the loo. 'She's shy' is not an excuse for being immature.

interestingly Kristina, the Greek sun is much less burning than the English sun; that is because of our industrial history and the massive hole in the ozone layer right above the British Isles.

If ony that were true Ada, perhaps the weather would be better here

it is true, Kristina. It is much easier to stop children sunburning in Greece than it is here, as I said, because of the hole in the ozone layer. (This has nothing to do with 'better weather' .)

Funny coincidence: at this moment I have 4 x 12 year olds in a deep paddling pool having fun. Two are mine. They've been at it all afternoon, and I told them about towels, flip flops, sun cream, and made sure these were all in easy reach. All four have been slightly burned on the shoulders, and only then lathered themselves with suncream. Oddly enough, one (DS) was burned at school sports a couple of days ago, so knew the score intimately ...

At 12 I expect and encourage the kids to think for themselves, and the safety net gets looser. But a work in progress still.

galdos

If they get sun burned, do you think you should have told them to get some shade?

Or do you have no responsibility?

I just want to add in.... factor 40 cream means that you could stay in the sun 40 times longer than you could without cream on, without burning. So in 5 hours, she will have had to apply the cream 7.5 times to have been protected from burning at all.

By my reckoning, you're arguing that factor 40 should be applied every 40 minutes to stop burning, implying that you burn after being out in the sun for 60 seconds!! Either you have incredibly sensitive skin or you live on Mercury!

Look, adults can forget too and a 12 year old is far more easily distracted. It's not like saying "Oh, she should be coming out and reapplying it" just mention to the 12yo "Hey, you look like you're burning a bit, time to reapply?" The same as you would to ANOTHER ADULT and as for the drinks, it's very rude to just help yourself without permission, so that was the adults responsibility.

^ This

How many adults get sunburned?? I'm sure most of those pontificating that 12 year olds should know to do this have... if adults can so easily burn, why should we assume a 12 yo will be perfect. We don't assume that in any other par of life... Hell, some on MN balk at the idea of a 12 year old going to the shops on their own!

For 12 year olds, on an unusually hot day, I would say the hosts do have a duty of care to help keep the kids safe and well. As many have said, plenty of drinks should have been provided ( not much trouble to fill up some big jugswith water and leave a stack of plastic cups). And maybe some shade, a gazebo beside the pool or something.Toilet, 12 yr old should be able to ask. Suncream, been said many times up thread. On a scorching day, fair English skin cannot be left exposed all through the hottest part of the day, no matter what you paste onto it. Add in the water, and it is irresponsible to leave a child out all day in a swimming costume. On hot days for water play my dD wears one of those factor 50 UV suits made out of swimming costume fabric, down to the knees and elbows. She's 6, don't know if you can get them in larger sizes. Even so, I would not leave kids out for hours without shade in the current weather.

Temperature irrelevant. Aussie UV stronger as it is closer to the equator. UK UV burns as peak was a month ago. Cover up and get in the shade in the middle of the day, as mentioned no suncream will be enough.

Pool party should have been planned accordingly. After 4pm for a start.

Some of the posts on here digging the OP and her dd are pretty pathetic, imo.

I think if you have kids in your house then there is some duty of care. I'd probably worry my DC would burn, and suggest they all came in, or sat in the gazebo, or put rash vests on when sun was at it's peak.

The fact all the kids who went ended up burnt suggests that there wasn't any parental supervision. And you could say should there be any? Around water I think there really needs to be a parent on hand.

Drinks - I was brought up that as a guest you don't ask, you wait for the host to offer. As a kid I would never have asked for a drink, as it would have been considered massively rude. But the hosts would offer constantly, every half hour or so.

Slightly different but my teen DC have been round to friends houses more than once where a few of them have been hanging out in the garden (not quite a full on party) and it's been made clear that parents are not providing drinks (even just water) so if they want anything to eat/ drink they bring it with them....

Wow, if your 12yo's teacher took them out for 5 hours in the sun and let them burn I'm sure you all wouldn't be saying it was your DC's responsibility!

If you're looking after kids, regardless of age, you might think 5 hours in the hottest weather of the year is extreme. You'd also provide plenty of water. Presumably the parent's own child was there too?

I'm with you OP.

Everyone in my DCs' circles of friends always has snack type foods and at least water available, most often something fizzy, just for impromptu gatherings. I think it's most unfriendly not to provide something light for guests, especially as they are teens, quite frequently hungry, and easing into adulthood so home seems equally theirs and their parents'. It would be really surprising for a home not to have a snack cabinet and a few 12 packs of fizzy drinks and the local unwritten rules of hospitality dictate that these are always offered unstintingly.

I was brought up to ask politely for water if I was thirsty. Asking for anything else would have been rude. Water was seen as a basic necessity.

My DS's friends' mothers usually have boxed brownie and cake mixes, and more than once DS has been asked by a friend's mother to prepare a batch of brownies or bake a sheet cake (since he reliably cleans up a kitchen after himself and understands how to read instructions on a box). Apparently he also cooks chili on request.

We have no idea whether the hostess provided drinks for the girls at the party. All we know is that the DD didn't drink much.