to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

[CocktailQueen]

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

As a host I would make sure there is enough to drink around, in easy reach for all of them. I normally would put bottles of water and can of lemonade in a bucket filled with water and ice packs.

I would also stress to my child that he/she is the host and has to make sure that children know where drinks/food are and in case of anybody never visited before then please point to the toilet.

As the mum of a child invited - slather her with suncream, make sure she has a hat and top with her and let her go. DD is perfectly able to apply suncream on most body parts apart form back so I think I will need to tell her to ask friends for assistance.

40 is not enough for being out in the sun all day.

Nothing is.

You should not be out in the sun all day.

If all the children at the party got burnt, then the supervision at the party was inadequate.

But a tshirt would have prob been better.

Whois, not whilst swimming. If she was wearing a t-shirt while running around fine. I very clearly remember swimming wearing a t-shirt as a child, thinking that it protects from the sun. In fact, it causes more harm as the heat gets trapped in between the skin and the fabric, causing blisters. This is why the uv rash vests are worn a lot now, and they are tight on the skin, and protect from the uv rays.

If it was an all day outside party, I would insist on cream and rash vests for my dc. They are both very fair skinned. But we don't always apply sunscreen immediately if they are going for a quick dip or outside for a while. The skin does need sunlight, and sunscreen does block out some of the goodness that the sun offers too....vitamin d for example.

There is only 1% extra difference in protection between factor 30 and factor 50. No suncream would allow you to stay in the sun all day. So yes I think the host should have provided shade and insisted kids come in to the shade for a drink and food for some part of the party. The party should not have gone on for 5 hours.

Blimey, I wouldn't even consider being annoyed that the host if this was my 12 year old.

My DC would have been handed the lotion and told firmly to remember to re-apply.

Same with the drinking and toileting.

If they can't take responsibility for themselves by that age, there really is no-one else to blame.

at the host.

My DC would have been handed the lotion and told firmly to remember to re-apply

What if they had followed your instructions but still got burnt because they were outside for 5 hrs in the sun?

Would you have had any concerns then about the party and the sun?

And yes, I always made sure mine kept t.shirts on during pool parties etc.

It didn't 'cause more harm' for any of the 3 of them.

In fact, it protected them completely.

OK, thanks all. Must remember to leave dc outside in the sun, not point out where the loo is, not make sure drinks are on offer next time the dc's friends come round.

BTW she did have a hat, and a T-shirt, and a spare set of clothes. I think she and friends got carried away with pool and having fun, and didn't realise how hot it was.

I take your point that she should have been able to ask friend where loo was, though, and for more drinks. Cheers.

They are 12 years old, FFS. I knew by that age to use sun tan lotion or stay out of the sun and I certainly knew I could ask for a drink.

Poor host tries to give DCs a lovely time. Parent whinges on FB. Nice.

*Mumsnet not FB.

it's been said upthread...but again I would remind you the world that sunscreen only lengthens the time you can be out in the sun before burning, it won't prevent it . Using sunscreen every 2 hours and using at least 25g per application is best advice. your child would have had to use at least 100ml of her bottle, probably more if she was in and out of the pool. Also she should have been wearing a hat and sunglasses to prevent eye damage as well as protect her skin.

We are rubbish at sun protection in the UK, ....probably because we don't see so much of it!

Even black skin burns..it just takes more sun to do it. Factoring in skin type, amount of times reapplying sun-cream and dips in pool would be arduous covering up and staying out of the sun between 11 and 3 is best advice

I think she and friends got carried away with pool and having fun, and didn't realise how hot it was

That's probably true - and that's where the host should have been the responsible adult.

soreno they are aged 24yrs, 17yrs and 13yrs and so far they have never been burnt because they've re-applied their lotions and kept t.shirts on.

If they ever did get burnt, I certainly wouldn't be blaming the host.

Bloody hell OP, you're still blaming the host?

At what age is your DD expected to take some responsibility?

Oh, this was an "IANBU" thread. Righty ho.

If they can't take responsibility for themselves by that age, there really is no-one else to blame.

Surely we can blame the parents? What's the point of AIBU if we can't blame the parents?

As a previous poster has mentioned, A higher spf does not offer added protection. It just means you can stay out in the sun longer. If it takes you 10 minutes to burn without sunscreen, apply factor 50 means you take 50 times longer.

Also sunscreen only blocks UVB rays, the kind that only penetrate the top layers of skin and lead to burning. They dont protect against UVA rays that reach deeper and have been linked to skin cancer. Sunscreen gives people a false sense of security so they end up spending 5 hours in the midday sun soaking up UVA rays with no protection. Many sunscreens are also full of carcinogens. So when people say that sunscreen gives you cancer, they are not completely wrong.

Long sleeves, hat and seek out shadow in the midday sun.

Bloody hell OP, you're still blaming the host

I think the host does have a degree of responsibility. There are times on AIBU when it's not clear cut.

If you are hosting a pool party, then I think you have a degree of responsibility towards keeping children safe. Even children at this age who get into the fun of the party and forget how to be sun safe.

I think that means telling children not to go out in strong sun at midday or for a long time. And that might mean you get told off by your DCs for being 'boring'

Do you mollycoddle DD, this is a lesson that you need to teach her how to look after herself, this is sunburnt skin, would she know what to do in a worst situation? Boys, men, smoking etc???
Also why didn't she go to the loo, even drunk out of the tap?
Is she telling the truth??

Saying that... I would have looked after any child, any age in my house/garden, when kids come around to my pool, there are strict safety rules, I would be out there with them also ( or a responsible adult)
Also they bring there own towels too, I'm not widow twanky!!!

I would check. I just would! 12 year old's aren't ALL responsible. I would and do feel that I need to check these things.

I would have got children inside after 12.30 until 2ish because no amount of sun cream protects English children who hardly see a Sun Ray all year on a hot day at midday! But let's be honest, most parents would not think to do that. It's just one of those unfortunate things that happens very now and then when you aren't accustomed to hot sun

I have a 12 year old ds. The fact that the OP's dd didn't like to ask to go to the toilet is ...... questionable. and the water? if she was that thirtsy, why didn't she ask? my ds certainly would have.
It is still the responsibility of DD to re-apply suncream too. She's 12. Not 7.
Did mum offer a prompt?

Oh god I bloody hate these.

Op: AIBU?

MN: Yes YABU

Op: no I'm not

Why bloody bother asking?! You really think the host should come out and ask the 12 yo DC 'now do any of you need the toilet? Have you all been?' Maybe she told her DC to make sure all guests had drinks/loo access and DC forgot.

I agree with the poster who said maybe your DD is too young for this kind of party if she can't ask basic questions of others, or you need to prewarn the host parents that your DC will need to be more carefully checked on and taken to the loo etc.

It's not the hosts fault

You should have sent your 12 yo with swimwear including a rash vest , hat and preferably board shorts ( assuming she burns easily ) . And clear instructions to reapply lotion and stay in the shade if she was getting burnt.

Though if she's not old enough to ask for a drink or to use the loo then she's too young to be going to a pool party without you .