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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

301 replies

CocktailQueen · 18/07/2016 10:57

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

OP posts:
sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 11:57

Op: AIBU?MN: Yes YABUOp: no I'm not

Except not all of MN is in agreement.

WholeAgain · 18/07/2016 11:57

She took that well... Grin

Kr1stina · 18/07/2016 12:00

I'm also unclear why 12 yo host wasn't able to tell her friends where the look was or give them some drinks . There are some 12 yo out there without the most basic manners / common sense

CauliflowerBalti · 18/07/2016 12:02

Agree with Joffrey re advice should be cover up rather than wear sunscreen. Just been on holiday and burned on the first day even wearing a thick layer of regularly reapplied F50 sunscreen - I don't believe sunscreen is a con, it's just not the best line of defence. Wore a v v light chiffony shirt thing every other day - worked a treat.

Anyway. If my child went to a party and came back dehydrated and sunburned and I was looking for someone to blame, I'd blame the host. The loo thing would be on her, but otherwise, I'd 'blame' the host. I put it in inverted commas because in reality, I'd be a bit miffed but realise it's one of those things. A 12-year old should be trusted to apply her own sunscreen, yes, but she's still a child. My view would be that she's not old enough to be left unsupervised - legally, you don't just leave 12-year olds to get on with things entirely independently - and that's because they haven't developed all the skills yet. Often adults don't realise they're burning until it's too late. I'd expect a friend to say to me, dude, you're pinking up, find shade, so I'd definitely expect the adult responsible for my child at that time to do the same.

So YANBU to 'blame' the host - but I'd still write it off as one of those things.

RB68 · 18/07/2016 12:05

it sounds like there was an issue with the timing of the party as well, so should have been 2pm onwards and was earlier I bet.

11 till 1 out of the sun, waterproof sunlotion required and plenty of shade rest of the day - water always increases the exposure to to reflective nature

Hats and clothes best way when out of the pool.

I think U16 should be reminded re sunlotions and would make sure any child with me had it on. My DD birthday is August and we have had parties here and I checked with parents as they arrived (we had a 40 degreer one year) and had a supply on hand for them to use and made sure 3m by 3m gazebo up, more than enough sf squash and water to swim in and quiet as well as boisterous games. Still lots of hot kids to. Was a bit of an odd day all round though as I ended up at a&e with a child (and her parent who were visiting & No car) having asthma attack and thankfully my two sisters running the party. Arrived back in time for cake cutting and child ended up with a two day stay in hospital and OK after that (chest infection & high pollen count we reckon triggered it)

MollyTwo · 18/07/2016 12:09

Are you serious?? Your child is 12!! She should have known better. She's not a baby fgs!

londonrach · 18/07/2016 12:10

At 12 yabu. At 5 yanbu. Cant understand why a 12 year old didnt get a drink, go to the toilet or apply sun lotion!

SpaceUnicorn · 18/07/2016 12:11

Bloody hell OP, you're still blaming the host?

Yes. It's one of those AIBUs where the OP won't have any truck with the suggestion that they might BU.

Kind of Shock at a 12 year old who can't/won't ask where the toilet is. How does she usually manage when she's out without a parent?

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 18/07/2016 12:12

OK, thank you.

DD doesn't burn easily - I said that earlier - this is the only time she's been burned.

Some people have agreed with me, but we are in the minority. That's fine. that's the risk with AIBU.

Thanks to those who posted nicely and didn't just put the boot in.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/07/2016 12:12

YABU and a bit snippy now.
Your DD is 12, not 6. More than able to ask for drinks, where the toilet is, and to do her own suncream.

In case you're not aware, sunburn doesn't always show up immediately in the sun - I used to have pink-tinged sunglasses because they enhanced the redness of the skin, so I could see quicker when I was starting to cook. I would then go inside, and watch the redness develop for up to an hour after that. This was despite care, sunscreen, shade etc.

So while the children were in the pool, in the cool water, sunburn may not even have started to show. It may have only started to redden up once they were out of the pool and inside.

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2016 12:12

I disagree sorenofthejnaii

If you send your kid to a pool party on a hot day, I think it's obvious they're going to spend a long time in hot sunshine.

Which is why it's up to the 12yr old to remember their lotion/t.shirt and take responsibility for their own toileting and drinking.

But then some Mumsnetters appear to wrap their kids so tightly in cotton wool, it's no wonder a lot of 12yr olds can't/wont take responsibility.

MollyTwo · 18/07/2016 12:13

Cant understand why a 12 year old didnt get a drink, go to the toilet or apply sun lotion!

Maybe because the op being annoyed with this, the DD probably is babied and doesn't expect to do these things for herself.

FeckinCrutches · 18/07/2016 12:13

I bet she pee'd in the pool Wink

Delatron · 18/07/2016 12:13

I guess we need more education all round about sun protection. You could argue the 12 year old assumed reapplying factor 40 frequently enough would be sufficient. Reality is none of those kids should have been in strong sunlight for 5 hours in July over midday.

murphys · 18/07/2016 12:14

OP, I see you say your dd did have a hat and change of clothes with her. I think you need to education her on sun safety. Yes, I agree, you cannot always feel when you are burning, but burns to the head and the back of the neck are the most dangerous places to burn to cause sunstroke.

For me its a life skill, its a bit like learning to swim. For us living in a hot country where most houses have pools, the earlier your toddler learns to swim / save themselves by getting to side of pool in case of falling in, is a priority skill that has to be taught. Along with this, is staying safe in the sun too. Dehydration and sunstroke are no joke. Use this as an opportunity to teach your dc, so that next time, you know she is as aware as she needs to be. She should have had her hat on, and she should have asked for more to drink if she couldn't find where the drinks were kept.

stopgap · 18/07/2016 12:15

God, no. We have a pool, and I wouldn't even check if small children (who are always accompanied by adults at our pool, anyway) were covered in sunscreen. But we live in a hot climate, and parents know the drill about diligent sunscreen application.

For drinks, though, we always have an ice box on hand filled with waters, juice etc. and have plenty of snacks to hand as well.

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 12:16

Which is why it's up to the 12yr old to remember their lotion/t.shirt and take responsibility for their own toileting and drinking

A lotion and t-shirt is ok for sun protection but is not brilliant. You still risk burning even if you were taking that protection.

It sounds like a parent who wasn't totally aware of the dangers of sun protection.

I think that if an adult is organising an outside party, then they should be aware that children might get carried away with the party and forget the basics. And even if they have sun protection, it might not be enough. Water can be really bad as it reflects sun light as well.

That is not taking away any responsibility from the children - but I do think the host should have planned it better.

murphys · 18/07/2016 12:17

Educate, not education...

mzS1990 · 18/07/2016 12:18

I thought you were going to say she was 3 not 12!

She's old enough to take responsibility for that.

And she didn't like to ask to go to the toilet?

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 12:19

Reality is none of those kids should have been in strong sunlight for 5 hours in July over midday

And the question is - whose responsibility is it to ensure that this does not happen?

Can you imagine being that girl telling her friends that we should go in to the shade because of the sun?

It should just be part of our culture.

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2016 12:19

A lotion and t-shirt is ok for sun protection but is not brilliant. You still risk burning even if you were taking that protection.

Yeah but she didn't take that protection, even though her mum sent her with it.

And it was brilliant protection for all 3 of my kids, who would spend all day in the pool during Summer.

MargotLovedTom · 18/07/2016 12:21

My eldest dd is nearly 12. Although I will offer things, she and her friends like to sort out their own stuff when they're here - getting drinks, ice lollies etc. I think she'd be mortified if I fussed around asking her friends if they needed to go to the loo at that age!

Even if your dd is shy I find it difficult to understand why she couldn't ask her friend whose house it was if she could tell her where the loo is.

sorenofthejnaii · 18/07/2016 12:21

And it was brilliant protection for all 3 of my kids, who would spend all day in the pool during Summer

Personally, I would avoid the sun during peak times even if they have sun screen on and a t-shirt.

Not being burned does not mean there's no damage.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 18/07/2016 12:21

so in spite of all measures....hat/tshirt/spare clothes and lotion she still burned

surely you can see that dd vaulted into the pool as soon as she arrived and did not get out until home time, despite her protestations to the contrary?

But obviously it's much easier to moan about the other mother than to expect your child to take the blame. And get snippy with anyone who dares to disagree with you.

weirdsister · 18/07/2016 12:22

I would remind them and make sure that they all had some on.

Yes they are old enough to put it on, but they forget because it's not part of their usual routine.

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