to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

[CocktailQueen]

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

A sore lesson to learn that she needs to take responsibility for managing her own toilet, hydration and sunscreen. Twelve is old enough but she made need help in addressing that if she is that shy.
Certainly would not blame the party host who was kind enough to invite her.

I think a t shirt is the thing if DC are in the sun all day especially if they are in and out of the water.
I think I would have brought them into the shade at least a few times for drinks etc. but perhaps the parent's hot weather routine isn't up to scratch yet! DC do have to realise that applying sun cream isn't just mum being fussy, burning hurts and has long term consequences, I think DD could further info and guidance regarding sunburn/heatstroke

Honestly what I think... The English are very stupid about sun safety. (The English people in my household are perhaps the stupidest of all)

In OP's party situation, I would have said something to the kids about cream. And then expect them all to ignore me & insist they had put on cream (when they hadn't put it on, or inadequately). If I said "I think you should put on MORE cream" I'd expect a huffy argument that they already knew exactly what they are doing, and suncream isn't meant to ever be greasy (sigh, had this argument yesterday with someone). I might only offer drinks 3x over a 5 hr period, but have other liquid available, too.

Because my idiotic teenagers have insisted on getting sunburnt despite all my nagging pleas, I am trying to think how bad it had to be for the girls to take the day off. Widely blistering, I guess? And I bet they'll do it again next year!! ARGH.

Maybe you should have put factor 50 on her. I burn ridiculously easily and have to use it when it's this sunny. I don't bother so much on our usual summer days. Send her with a refillable water bottle and a t-shirt to cover up and to wear in the pool. And teach her how to say, "Where is the toilet?"

No harm in reminding them. We weren't always that responsible at 12 even if old enough to apply it. Also to ensure that drinks were freely available and didn't have to ask. Bit of both I'd say. If your child is likely to get burnt they should be told to cover up if too hot and get some shade. Doesn't sound very good that they all got burnt though. Up to the host to keep an eye on them.

sorry but when you started I thought your DD was about 6 by the way you were talking about her,

Sorry but if she can't do these things herself then it's your responsibility to stay with her and look after her, not the host.

My DD is 10 so only a little bit younger and I still have to hassle her about suncream and hats or she would let herself burn. So I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a parent in charge of a 12 year old to remind them about suncream/help them put it on/check they are doing it properly. A 12 year old will not remember of their own accord, let's face it a lot of adults get burned because they don't bother or forget to put cream on.

I would also have suggested she wear a T-shirt or rash vest over her costume - my kids always prefer that when I point out they will not need so much suncream if they cover up.

I do think a lot of people on this thread and others about young teenagers/nearly teens seem to assume just because they've left primary school they can and should take complete responsibility for themselves. They are still children at 12 and we as adults should still be looking out for their well-being, even if the kids find it embarassing/annoying.

I have a 12 year old DS, & he usually forgets to reapply his sunscreen. I would not expect another parent to be taking care of this. At his age, he's socially mature enough to ask for water if he's thirsty & ask for the toilet pee in the pool if he needs to go.

I don't know why the op and op's dd is getting so much abuse. 12 is young. I would expect to remind guests that age to manage sun protection and if necessary manage it for them. I would consider it my responsibility to make sure everyone is drinking enough too.

DS1 has been on a school trip today; they left at 7am and just got in. I sent him with drinks, suntan lotion, a cap, food and money. He was responsible for everything, and at 10 I'd expect his friends that age to be equally self-reliant.

Having said that, when we have other people's DCs to play/stay I take care of them as I would my own, and would regularly bring out drinks and remind them to apply suncream. Just because they can take care of themselves doesn't mean they will. DS1 wouldn't brush his teeth more than once a fortnight if he wasn't reminded. It's not a hardship to remind them about that stuff.

My ds is slightly older at 14, but we had a recent conversation about sunburn and his attitude was very much 'if I get burnt it's my fault, I'm old enough to put the cream on and old enough to know when I need it'. Ds2 is 9 and I do still fuss around him, but ds1 points out that I'm not actually helping him learn to be sun safe... Having said all that though as a host I would have at least tried to remind the children and provided shade if possible. Probably nobody is being particularly unreasonable here, it's a shame a fun day ended badly, but maybe the girls might have learnt a lesson about their sun tolerance for the future?

I'm not sure what the host was expected to do.

The OP's DD arrived with sunscreen and allegedly reapplied it several times. Sounds like the lotion wasn't up to the job and/or was applied incorrectly when skin was wet and/or the DD burns easily.

In the UK we're just not prepared for when it's sunny. I kicked myself this morning when DS arrived at sports club to be asked if he had sun lotion on as I hadn't put any on despite it being warm - yet I'd never think of not making him put it on when on holiday abroad.

Lesson for your DD to take care in the sun in the future. As for the drinks - she was given 3 drinks during the course of the day , doesn't sound too bad.

My 12 year old would get on a bus by herself, go to boots, use a debit card of mine to pay for sun lotion and apply it herself.
The host would not have time to pander to everyone's needs, as for not asking where the toilet is, that's ridiculous!

With the weather forecast like it was for today/yesterday then I'd have sent my DC with a t-shirt to wear in the pool plus applied the one day sun cream and given instructions to reapply.

YANBU.
If I were hosting a pool party I would try and set the pool up in the shade for starters.
Plus, it doesn't hurt to remind children to reapply sun cream/drink more water.
When children are busy having fun they forget things no matter how old they are and sometimes need reminding.

Yes you are being ridiculous. Assuming she doesn't have special needs over age 8 she should be able to sort herself out and get another child to put lotion on her back.Why on earth were you quizzing her about how often she went to the loo? Sounds as if she needs to grow up a bit and you would be better to remind her before going out about lotion or buy once a day type. If you treat her like a six year old what will she do if she goes to University or starts work in just 6 years time.

First of all can you even imagine if say (for eg) that the dh at the pool party applied suncream to a bunch of twelve year olds??
But hey ho they can't win.. Cause some of your darlings got burnt (we are lucky to get even five relatively hot days a year in the UK)
If it's such an issue why didn't you apply of pack sun lotion ?
Lastly what would you have done? You're probably a lovely person who would spray kids with sun screen and expected the sane back? But hey it's England! They were busy being perfect as pool party parents! Your kids aren't dead!

No. What were the nannies doing?

OP I'd love to know what you think the host SHOULD have done. If your daughter was reapplying suncream, what more could they have done? Made them all get out of the pool? As others have said, it can be difficult to tell you're burning until after the fact, especially when you're in the water.

Sandbagsatdawn, if children of 12 in sunnier climes can be expected to be responsible about applying sunscreen, then so can British children.

The giddiness about hot weather is something they learn from adults, so adults need to start taking sun damage seriously and modelling sensible behaviour in the sun.

People are using the word 'shy' here as if it is something perfectly normal.
I disagree that any shyness that prevents a 12 year old from asking a friendly adult where her loo is while at a party is normal in any way. If anyone has a child like this then intervention is needed.

However, I don't think that this is shyness.
What it is is learned helplessness.

www.skincancer.org/prevention/sun-protection/clothing/protection
I am aghast at the idea that people think an ordinary cotton t-shirt might provide protection for five hours in the sun.

I do think at 12 your DC should take some responsibility but the party host should have reminded kids and tried to make sure there was plenty of shade.
My Dc's 9 and 10 are terrible, hate sun cream and won't put it in unless nagged.
I remember being upset when my DC went away with a friend in the UK aged around 9/10 and came back burnt having never ever being burnt before despite previously living abroad. I was upset and would have expected the parent to limit the sun exposure and remind about sun cream.
I have an older teenager that has anxiety problems and would also not ask for the toilet and I do think people are judging on this. He was complaining he burnt a little at the beach yesterday despite having put loads of cream on.

She's only 12! For goodness sake, get a grip everyone. She's a child who enjoys her childhood and when she's doing that she's carefree!

A bit of common sense by the host would have gone a long way. A shelter/shaded area could have been provided, breaks from the pool could have been enforced (at the very least to allow fresh sunscreen to be absorbed and drinks to be taken) - no child (even big grown up 12 year olds!) will be clock watching and keeping tabs of how often they reapply their sunscreen or count how many drinks they've had.

The sun is dangerous. Kids forget (especially those who are having too much fun!). Kids hate to be bothered with having to stop having fun to do something as tedious as put on sunscreen! I think it's reasonable to expect the host of such parties to offer reminders to reapply cream and to keep topping up the water jugs. At the very least you don't want dripping wet children running in and out of the kitchen to fetch drinks!

Yeah, kids of 12 should be responsible for applying their own sunscreen, but it's not an ideal world and kids aren't robots.

I'm in Australia. If I sent my 12yo to a pool party and she came back sunburnt, I'd be very annoyed with her and potentially annoyed with the host, depending on the specifics of the situation. I would be upset with myself if I sent someone else's child home sunburnt.

If a child is a guest in my home, their health and wellbeing is ultimately my responsibility, regardless of their age. Insisting on shade and covering up, asking whether they had enough to eat/drink, would be the absolute bare minimum. Oh, and not drowning.