to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

[CocktailQueen]

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

See we don't really use sun cream, (It makes all 3 DC's eczema so much worse) I have always encouraged the kids to stay in the shade as much as possible, and they wear wet suits or rashies with hats when on the beach. None of them have ever burned.

I have a 5 year old and a 9 year old - I'd expect my youngest to have cream applied and be reminded to drink and made to drink. My 9 year old I'd expect reminders and maybe a bit of help to do back etc but that's it.

By 12 I hope they'll be able to do it themselves and certainly going to loo and drinking! She must manage in other situations.

I haven't RTFT so might be talking total bollocks now given some further info:

Man alive!

Dd didn't actually need the loo when there. My point was that she'd been there all day and should have needed to wee; if she didn't, it shows she's getting dehydrated.

Margrethe - And I cannot get my head around hosting a FIVE HOUR party for 12 year olds. Two hours would be about my limit. I suspect there is more context to all this.

Nope. There's not. Why so suspicious?!

Freddie - So your DD reapplied sun cream, had a hat and t-shirt, but she still burned. How can you say she doesn't burn easily?

Because she never has before. Why do you think??

And how on earth can this possibly be somebody else's fault?

Because I wasn't THERE at the party??

The only thing I can think of as really being the host's 'fault' isn't an individual thing, but a cultural one - the British 'grab it while you can'/'covering up is a bit naff and ungrateful' attitude to hot weather. In a hotter country, no one would throw a pool party for children in the height of the heat of the day, they'd do it in the late afternoon, when the serious heat had faded a bit, and the risks of dehydration etc would have been somewhat dialled down. When children see adults regularly broiling at noon in obsessive question of a tan, they copy.

Quest of a tan.

Yes YABU, she should be able to ask for all the above.

However in absence of a tshirt or coverup, I'd have told her it was ok to ask her friends or host's mother to apply to hard to reach areas like back and shoulders.

The star rating of the sun cream is more important than the factor I think

Sorry, but I think YABU

Do you really think OP that host of party (eg mum) should be responsible for ensuring your DD and other kids are hydrated?

If anything it's up to you to reinforce this with your DD more re the water. And the sun cream protection. Obviously she needs a higher factor or to wear a tshirt or coverup (kaftan) and to stay in shade sometimes.

CocktailQueen, not suspicious of you, just thinking this is no ordinary party. And there might be more to it that would make us see it differently, perhaps more from your pov.

Was this at the host's house?
How many kids were there?

To me this makes some difference.

OP, how old is the suncream?

YABU, if this was a 4 year olds party, I think you'd have a point but, at a 5 hour party for 12 year olds, I wouldn't expect a dehydration monitor to be in place. Yes, you'd maybe expect a host to offer the first drink but, not check every 20 minutes thereafter. As for the lotion, I'd expect her to have ashes the host to apply on the hard to reach bits but, not monitor the rest

I wouldn't send a child to a pool party without a long sleeved rash vest and a water proof hat, there's no way I'd trust a child to remember to reapply sunscreen and I wouldn't expect the host to either. I also assume that if my child thirsty she'll ask for a drink and feel comfortable doing so. I wouldn't send her anywhere where she was so unsure of the host as to be incapable of asking for a drink.

If the OPs DD was thirsty why couldn't she ask for a glass of water? What kind of party was it? A formal event like a birthday party (when you might expect catering) or just a gathering of pre-teens at someone's home?

I think by 12 you could reasonably expect that the child would be able to ask for a drink, directions to the toilet and help to re-apply sun protection.

However, I also think it is a reasonable expectation that many children of 12 would forget to reapply the protection/miss bits and not bother asking for a drink as soon as they were thirsty given the excitement of being with their friends at a pool party.

Ideally, the host would've made all the guests comfortable by showing them where to find the toilet, provided shade, unlimited easy access to water and ensured that all young guests had adequate protection from the sun and monitored it. I don't think it is realistic to expect that high level of awareness and hosting skills though.

In summary I think that the fact your DD got burnt at her age was partly the fault of the host, her parents and her with no one person more to blame than the other. Life lessons and all that really...

Very good point Folscapped

" unlimited easy access to a water "

I think it's safe to assume that if the family had a pool in the garden they probably have taps in the house

I have a 12yo who is able to travel across the city himself by public transport. I'm bemused at all these NT 12yo who can't ask their friend where the loos is or for a drink.

No wonder teachers complain of the lack of life skills in high school pupils

I don't have a pool but I would be checking the kids had applied and reapplied sunblock and making sure they were in the shade some of the time - simply because I burn horribly and wouldn't wish that on anyone. I wouldn't necessarily expect kids to be capable of applying it themselves and would offer to help if needed.

There would be drinks available but obviously you cant make a child drink, only to remind them.

And I would make sure they knew where the toilet was.

Course I would. The kids are in my care and I would make sure they are protected and hydrated. Obviously not forcing them but I would be checking and encouraging them.

AIBU yes!!

Bangs head against wall.

She's 12 years not 12 months.

What did you expect the mum to do if she was reapplying cream and still burnt.

My kids would have had full sleeved rash vests on, maybe invest in a couple.

Whilst the host should probably keep an eye on/issue reminders re sun cream application, you've actually said DD applied and reapplied it, so what more are you saying the host should have done?

Same but different - my 12yo DS spent the day at an agricultural show today. He went with school and spent the day out in the hot sun. He had a hat, suncream and water and was reminded before he left the importance of using them! He was under the supervision of the teachers but I wouldn't have expected them to remind him. When he was 6 I would, but not at 12. He hasn't burnt so I can only assume he listened.

If she reapplied it as you say what is it you wanted the host to do? I am quite paranoid about sunburn so probably would notice a kid burning and say something, but in general yabu.

The host could have planned the party better I think. From say 3pm until 5pm? Shorter and not during the midday sun. Obviously too late now but if I hosted a pool party and every child went home burnt I would feel terrible. Adults get burnt so not unreasonable for a child of 12 to have no idea how long they are safe in the sun for...

I hate being out in the sun and hot weather so I do tend to go on about sunscreen and plenty of drinks, but if the kids and their friends chose to ignore me there's not much I can do about it.