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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you host a pool party on a hot day ...

301 replies

CocktailQueen · 18/07/2016 10:57

... you check that other dc have sun tan lotion on/aren't burning?

DD went to a friend's pool party on Sat. I gave her water-resistant factor 40 sun lotion. She came back burned - face, back, shoulders (despite applying and reapplying lotion), and thirsty - she only had 3 small glasses of water in 5 hours, and she hadn't been to the loo (didn't like to ask).

DD is 12. I know she bears responsibility for her own sun lotion, but if you were the mum, wouldn't you have checked that dc weren't burning? It was the first really hot day of the year! She has never been sunburned before... All the other dc at the party are burned too.

OP posts:
seenitdoneit · 19/07/2016 17:38

Hmmm. 12 year olds. If I'd been hosting I would certainly have shouted out a reminder from time to time - that would probably been as far as I went.

Would have put cans and bottles of drink out and left them to their own devices.
I'd probably have done the "toilet tour" on the way in so they knew where to go.

Bobochic · 19/07/2016 17:40

I agree with the OP - if you host a pool party for unaccompanied children you must manage sun exposure and water consumption.

Carriecakes80 · 19/07/2016 17:40

At 12 when you're at a party you should be able to ask for the loo, and ask for a drink, but then, some kids do get embarrassed easily, I get that, but maybe you need to get them a more covered swim suit. As for someone saying they don't think sun cream works, absolute bloody rubbish! I burned myself terribly when I was young, vain and wanted to go brown...however all I did was get first degree burns on my chest (it was weeping for days - yuck!) and ever since I completely bloody cover myself, as I like to remind folk, even when you go brown, you're only doing exactly what a chicken does when you put it in the oven, and now I am quite happy to stay pale n interesting lol.

Of course some people burn more easily than others, but you actually need way more sun-cream than you think, most people apply a small amount and think that'll do, you really do need to slather yourself in it for it to be effective. And when you are in the water, not only does it wash off quicker, but the lovely cool water keeps you feeling fine, then later on when you've dried off, you realise just how bad it is!
My red-head and my blondie can burn like anything, so far its only been their ears, and that was on a cloudy day, but ever since then if we go to an outdoor pool they wear a wet-suit type cossie and I the sun-block is applied religiously...
I hope your dd is ok, and worry for the person who thinks sun-cream does nothing! :-/

Satsunday · 19/07/2016 17:44

No you're not being U OP at all. They are children and were not properly looked after by the adults there who were responsible for them. Some children are more able/mature than others of course but the point is that any 12 year old is still a child. I wouldn't send my child to a party with them again.

Spandexpanties · 19/07/2016 17:54

I would expect my 12 year old to ask for a drink, ask for the loo and put own sunscreen on. My 9 year old would need reminding though

dansmum · 19/07/2016 17:54

Yes ..the thing with twelve year olds...
"Have you had a drink?"
"Errrrr..yeah"
"You guys ok out here? Do you need anything?"
"Errr no( with shades of go away stop interfering)
"You got sun lotion on ? Theres some on the side if you want to reapply after ..."
"..."( the whatever llook..withering you)

Totally not up to the host. OP told dd, dd having too much fun at party to bother listening to grown ups WHO KNOW NOTHING BTW,DD gets toasted...panicks..blames host. That's just my reading of it !

My own dd regularly says she has coat/money/phone/inhaler...goes somewhere..comes back complaining because of lack of the above. They must just like to torture us. In all seriousness, it is about them taking responsibility for their own care.

3awesomestars · 19/07/2016 17:55

If I was hosting a pool party for any age I would remind them at intervals to top up sun cream, I wouldn't apply it for them but would remind them. However, I am ginger and very fair skinned and a sun cream freak!
I wouldn't blame the host if the child hadn't applied it, if they had and still got burnt then I would blame myself for the factor/type of cream not being suitable and I would feel really bad.
If they chose not to do it and got burnt I would be a bit cross with my children - they have to learn to be responsible to be trusted.

Toilets/drinks they should be able to sort that themselves.

My daughter went on holiday last week with her mates and I was banging on about suncream right to the airport and she is 18!!

chocolateee · 19/07/2016 17:55

High class problem . Maybe go with her next time if she can't ask for the toilet herself . Do you believe everything your children tell you ? She probably peed in the pool 😂

purplevamp · 19/07/2016 17:56

Everyone seems to be blaming the OP. I don't think it's unreasonable for the host to remind ALL the children, throughout the day to reapply suncream, go in the shade for a while, make sure they have plenty to drink. When children are having fun they get carried away and forget about the basics. As an adult at the party it is their responsibility to look after the children. As for the toilet, perhaps the OP's DD is quite shy? some grown ups can appear a little intimidating to children, no matter what age they are. What did the other parents say about their children?

revealall · 19/07/2016 18:07

Yabu. If your DD put on cream at the party I'm not sure that hosts had any course to worry
I expect all the children got burnt because it really is very hot after weeks of cloud and rain.It's a pool party - you can't really expect everyone to sit in the shade after an hour. An tbh even an hour is long enough to burn in this heat.

onceuponadream2016 · 19/07/2016 18:11

*misses point of thread

Yay for the hosts who finally have appropriate weather to use an outdoor pool !! GrinGrin

robinia · 19/07/2016 18:13

The adults were 'in loco parentis'. They are therefore responsible for the welfare of all the children. Leaving them out in the sun for five hours is not being responsible.
I'm sure not one of the children would have suggested getting out of the sun for a while as that's not much fun is it? It's up to the parents to be firm and insist.
As for a 12-year old applying their own suncream - I'd never rely on any of them doing it well enough so as the parent in charge I may well have insisted on t-shirts on after a while.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/07/2016 18:16

sits on fence

yes the host could have brought out more drinks (tho would have got hot in the sun) or said drinks/water in the kitchen and said loo is through the kitchen etc

then again i expect a 12yr to ask politely for a drink and toilet if needs one/has to go

how does she manage at school?

suncream ,op put it on, and 12yr took with her so shouldnt have got burnt but again hard to tell if burning till too late

LockedOutOfMN · 19/07/2016 18:20

Our kids go to pool "parties" more or less every day of the week in summer as we live in Spain. My son's just turned 8 and my daughter's just turned 5.

This is what I'd expect, when they're 12:
I ensure they have suncream on before they go and have suncream, hats, water in their bag. I'm also a great one for a couple of long sleeved T shirts to throw on in between swims as it leaves less skin opening to burning. I'd also remind them to re-apply suncream, to stay in the shade, etc. (This has been ingrained since birth because of where we live).

With 12 year olds, I would expect a parent to be present, and close at hand (i.e. nearest part of the house to the pool and semi-alert to what was going on) in case of something more serious happening, but I wouldn't expect them to be reminding kids about suncream, etc. although perhaps part of me would hope that if a kid did look burned the parent might notice and advise them to find some shade. However, at 12, they might well ignore the parent as soon as his or her back is turned (not because they wanted to get burned but because they're enjoying the sun).

With regard to the sunburn, make sure your daughter learns from this experience and never forgets to reapply sunscreen! Lukewarm showers or baths and plenty of aloe vera, and drinking water, and eating lightly but regularly should help her feel better now.

If your daughter was too scared to ask to go to the toilet, OP, I think you need to talk to her. Does she suffer from a lack of confidence, or is there something about this particular house or family that makes her excessively shy? Sorry for the long post.

felixthemoggy · 19/07/2016 18:24

Whatever the age, people do need to be reminded to put suncream on. Come on, adults sit in the sun and burn when they should know better, a 12 year old isn't fully matured yet and probably felt like they would miss out on the fun if they went and sat in the shade.
I would have thought the host would have just casually mentioned reapplying suncream and making sure they were doing it right, they were in charge of the kids that day.
Sounds like your DC needs a higher factor if they burnt, or at least some time in the shade. ( but then as above, they probably felt like they would have missed out on something!)
As for the toilet, people are shy again whatever their age, my own grandma doesn't like asking to go when she visits and she knows where it is.

Planty18 · 19/07/2016 18:40

I am quite surprised by some of the responses here as just in general if I was hosting any kind of party I would at least tell people who hadn't been before where the loo was and also provide a ready supply of drinks. In your position OP I also would have made sure my child had sunscreen on prior to leaving the house and as the host I probably would have shouted out a reminder but really it's each child's own responsibility. Your child may be saying she applied and reapplied but probably nowhere near frequently enough. That is something you maybe need to talk to her about so she can protect herself properly next time she's out alone.

WildRoses · 19/07/2016 18:45

A 12 year old is still a child and the parents present are responsible. I'd make sure any child was safe in the sun, mine or not.

Rishaar · 19/07/2016 18:46

Haven't read whole thread, but surely you knew what time you were dropping her off and what time you were picking her up? If it's a pool party between say, 11am and 4pm, surely you knew that was 5 hours outside in the hottest part of the day? You could have told DC to spend at least an hour or two in the shade, or let her spend max of 3 hours to be on the safe side.

It's very much shoulda coulda woulda at this point, but personally I assume that everyone else is an idiot, and prepare myself/DCs accordingly!

manicmij · 19/07/2016 19:04

A pool party? That would mean being outdoors and probably immersed or splashing about in water. Surely everyone knows even the supposedly waterproof sun protection isn't really waterproof. I would definitely have insisted on DD wearing a tee-shirt and a hat especially if the first hot (presumably sunny too) day of the year. If not mature enough to accept this then she would either not be allowed or expected to suffer the consequences as bad as they are. Live and learn.

Ifeelsuchafool · 19/07/2016 19:25

I wouldn't ignore signs of burning on any under 18 on my property and at 12 I would certainly take responsibility for keeping them well supplied with liquid and reminding them at intervals to keep themselves hydrated. As to the loo business, she really should feel comfortable enough to ask her friend even if shy of friend's parents I would have thought.

Notmuchtosay1 · 19/07/2016 19:32

I think I'd have sent my children in t shirts. I'm a worrier in very hot sun. I'm not too bothered if it's sunny but not very hot. If they are going in the playground for half hour and it's about 22 degrees or so I don't worry too much, especially my youngest who has darkish skin, but a beach or pool and very hot temperatures I always worry. I wouldn't trust my 15 year old son to put cream on. Not because he can't but because he thinks he'll get laughed at. He's very pale too.

Postchildrenpregranny · 19/07/2016 19:32

Have you tried P20 or similar? one off application lasts all day And I burn very easily
But doesnt address the issue I know

NorthernAurora · 19/07/2016 19:46

I think also we sometimes agree to our children going to places with out thinking of the risks.
Maybe because my youngest DD age 16 has special needs, I automatically do this now.
Saying that when we first agree to out DC going on a bus with their friends, we hope weve discussed all the 'do's and dont'sl and we trust them to be cateful etc. It really should be the same with any party, where, who, what's there etc.
We need to check with host Parent that they are also aware of risks. Our DC's are our responsibility so it's up to US to do a quick risk assessment.
Ive seem some adult 'lobsters' who should know better so a 12 year old could make the same mistake but you should know your own DC' development best and yoy should discuss things with the host parent before the party, such as providing a shaded area and plenty of sun cream reminders and juice etc. A lesson learnt maybe!

hks · 19/07/2016 19:54

it was an exceptionally hot sunny day and i had factor 50 and still got burnt and that was just me in and out the garden today.. they could have had a parasol near the pool to protect them a bit
with your dd ( and the other kids ) being in and out the pool they probably rubbed the suncream off was it waterproof suncream / lotion
but i would have made sure there was drinks available so they didnt get dehydrated and if it were a friends house then i'm sure she would have known where the loo was

hope you have some after sun and a cool shower to relieve any pain she might be in tonight

Cathaka15 · 19/07/2016 20:02

If you are hosting any party for a child you should be responsible for their health and safety. Some 12 year olds are still shy and uncomfortable around other people. I always make sure my children's friends are well looked after and happy when they leave. I expect the same from other parents. She should have made sure their sun screens were topped up and all the kids well hydrated.