To not want second hand clothes for DC from MIL?

[littleladybird14]

So I'm due with my second DC and MIL has passed a few gifts over to us from her similarly to when our DS was born a number of years ago. I am very grateful and love that she has gone to the trouble to buy things however in the same way she did with our DS she has been to car boot sales and bought second hand clothes ranging from outfits to bodysuits (when DS was born we also had an old Moses basket bought and similar baby essentials which we had already bought new so they ended up being spare thankfully!). I can tell she has washed them and I'm sure they have probably come from a good home but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed again that for her only grandchildren (both novelty as previously have a DS and now expecting a DD - both her only DGC) she has bought on the cheap. For the cost of a pack of bodysuits from asda it's nothing but hate idea of putting DC in previously soiled bodysuits knowing just how dirty they can get!
Don't get me wrong I've been given hand me downs by a very close relative and close friends whom I feel comfortable with - no poop stained bodysuits, good quality outfits which had hardly been worn / still had tags on! I guess I know where they've come from and I have decided to have these rather than being passed them as a gift.
Me and DH are in a fortunate position where we can afford to splurge a little as can she, and we nor she would buy clothes for ourselves second hand (I'm not disrespecting anyone who does at all so please don't think me being rude, it's just not what we do), but I just can't understand why she thinks reasonable for our child to have these and to be passed as a gift? My DH wasn't overly happy either but didn't say anything to her on either occasion. Strangely she doesn't do it so often since DS has grown up, it tends to be asda sale items which are sometimes a bit hit and miss (just my personal taste of her 'bargain finds' - again nothing wrong with asda!) and he'll wear them whilst he's at her house despite me packing other clothes! I guess I'll do like last time and put them to the bottom of the drawer never to be used but but AIBU (or hormonal due to pregnancy!!)??

Fine, you don't have to like it but it's a bit shit to come onto a parenting website to crow about it - knowing that there will be many parents here who have no choice whatsoever in buying/accepting secondhand clothes

i think you have massively missed the point there worrel or your not listening to the op. she is fine with second hand - as long as not shit stained its the sentiment behind it - to only buy second hand when it seems she can afford to buy odd nicer items. But op has said that several times already

I don't buy second hand and I've never taken hand me downs from people. Me and dh can afford to buy new so we do.

It's totally up to you what you want to dress your child in. There is no right or wrong

If they're in good condition, why not? I wasn't short of money, but I still bought second hand stuff from ebay, car boot sales, etc. Kids grow so fast, you hardly need them to last for years. I also sold nearly all our stuff on again via ebay.

If they were stained, damaged, etc., that's a different story.

And I completely understand not wanting to use stained baby grows they are so cheap in many places no need to use stained ones

Some of the second hand stuff MIL has pressed on us since I got pregnant:

• a child's asthma inhaler she found in a charity shop;

-a ten year old, well-used car seat;

• a very smelly used breast pump
• a frankly frightening plastic doorframe bouncer from 1971 that looks like it eats babies for breakfast;
• a roomful of tired, worn-out clothes in exactly the style we've been very clear that we really dislike. Some with slogans that have spelling / grammatical errors.
• broken toys with missing parts and/or fabric ones covered in stains and stinks
• various other bits of well-worn baby tat

When some of these things were politely rejected by DH and I, she argued, accused me of being up myself, told us we couldn't afford these things ourselves (we can), took bucketloads of offence, and laid on some pretty impressive guilt-tripping.

There have been no nice, normal gifts whatsoever, except for a couple of fleece blankets from the pound shop. She is fairly well-off.

So I see where you're coming from. It's wearying, and no YANBU if you explain to her and she just does it anyway.

YANBU IMHO

I could have written this when I was pg with DD. DH's parents are really well off, massive house owned outright, can afford to buy new cars with cash etc etc yet the majority of their clothes come from Charity shops, and this is where I believe they picked up the clothes they gave us for DD - no tags etc and I felt uncomfortable taking them, even if she'd washed them. We never voiced this to MiL (no point in poking the bear) and she never bothered visiting us enough to notice they weren't worn. (since then this has become the least of our issues with PIL, but that's another thread)

Both DH and I feel that hand-me-downs from family and friends are great and we've had no problems accepting these in abundance, but stuff from charity shops for our baby...no.

I think it's a bit precious tbh.

"Both DH and I feel that hand-me-downs from family and friends are great and we've had no problems accepting these in abundance, but stuff from charity shops for our baby...no."

What's the difference??

Worraliberty....ouch! You've obviously not read my threads in which I am no way trying to offend those who do choose to buy second hand, but that's not everyone and we all have choices! This however was forced upon me in way of a gift, not sure how you'd feel being passed a pair of dirty second hand underwear for your birthday for your MiL??

I would not put my child in vests and Babygros that other babies have worn, as I wouldn't wear bras, knickers, vests or socks myself that other adults have worn. I also don't save knickers, vests and socks for the next child.

I have the same attitude - though I do nick DH socks when I can't find any of mine and I would add shoes to that list.

I don't pass shoes down or take second hand for the children might for us adults - with the possible exception of party shoes that aren't going to be worn very much at all. I've read it's not good for growing feet fitting into pre-worn and shaped shoes.

I found and was given some lovely outfits second hand - but baby grows are so cheap never seemed worth it getting second hand and I wouldn't like stained items.

I've no idea how you can approach the subject with MIL though.

This however was forced upon me in way of a gift, not sure how you'd feel being passed a pair of dirty second hand underwear for your birthday for your MiL??

How is that comparable? You say in your op that everything was washed and it was the fact she'd bought on the cheap you were annoyed about. Were these clothes birthday presents for your baby?

What's the difference??

Psychologically I feel more comfortable knowing where they've come from, they're clean, hardly worn etc. I understand I can be a bit precious. Hey ho.

BTW the issue for me is not that these things are 'cheap'. I am the biggest bargain-hunter I know and will happily rummage in bargain bins whilst out shopping. The difference is, the cheap stuff I buy is good quality, brand new and tagged.

Purpledaises - dirty, ok poop stained! Still washed but could see stains. The presents are for newborn expected any day now so yes I would consider gifts?

OP and Summer

The thread title does not ask whether the OP is BU for not wanting to accept shit stained clothing.

To not want second hand clothes for DC from MIL?

So yes, I stand by what I said. It's a bit crass to come onto a parenting website to let everyone know you're pissed off because your MIL has bought your kids secondhand clothes.

Just pass them on to someone who appreciates the non shit stained items, or bin them.

The presents are for newborn expected any day now so yes I would consider gifts?

If she'd bought you nappies, colic drops, muslins or that sort of thing would you consider them gifts? It sounds to me like she's just trying to be helpful and give you things you'll need lots of.

When the baby is actually born she might turn up with a present for them.

Didn't honestly meant to cause offence, thanks for all opinions though

Sorry but I think YABU. Buying second hand isn't about being cheap. I buy nearly all my clothes second hand unless I make them myself. I don't like going into a shop knowing some poor child abroad made the clothes for practically nothing, it sickens me. Sure when I buy from charity shops they are often the same brands, but at least I'm not letting those clothes go to waste and also not buying direct from the brand and therefore encouraging that kind of thing. I also don't like that in shops like ASDA the packs of clothes come in pointless single use plastic packaging. I buy second hand for the environment, for human rights, and frankly because the stuff I find is fantastic quality, plus I'm often giving to charity in the process which is nice!

With baby clothes they are often virtually new as they grow so fast (not to mention the fact that they are given so much stuff when born often!).

Your MIL has gone out of her way to pick out nice stuff for your baby, you don't need to use it, you can always donate them back to a charity shop for someone else who will use them. She didn't need to get them anything after all.

Anyway congrats on the new baby!

No I don't get it worral, i am not getting that from her op at all.

We are living on a tiny salary and have to buy second hand - nearly every thing I get is second hand from clothes to furniture.

little you have not caused offense. These threads always pop up dont worry.

Also when I finally have my own kids they will be wearing homemade/ second hand, and I'd be very very surprised if MIL bought new stuff for them. My own mother definitely would not. I can afford to buy expensive clothes now and then but chose not to unless it's fairtrade with organic materials or handmade by the person I'm buying it from.

I think about 90%+ of my DC's clothes come from car boot sales. I could afford to buy new but it doesn't seem important to me. They get a good wash before they wear them. I wouldn't buy any that weren't fresh smelling. As a result DS1 plays out in his preferred silky feel chino shorts and smart polo shirts and I don't worry when he comes home with grass stains or having ripped a t-shirt because I'll only have paid 50p or £1 for them.

My sisters and DM will often buy gifts from car boot sales too. My DS's have lots of clothes for their favourite teams - things they'd only have one of if we were paying £30 an item.

After my 20 week scan my mum gave me a suitcase full of baby grows she'd bought and washed. I loved them every bit as much as the £22 sleep suit I bought for DS1 to come home from hospital in. We wouldn't pass on anything with a rip or a stain unless it had been picked up for free.

Some things cheap second hand and special things expensive and new. Perfect balance for us :)

It's entirely reasonable not to want to dress your baby in stained second hand clothing if you're able to afford new ones yourself, or re-use clothing from your first baby.

It's also entirely reasonable to use second hand clothes for your babies.

I think the most diplomatic thing to say to your MIL is that you already have lots of things for the new baby , so there's no need to buy anything else as you don't have space.

I think you should also respect your MIL's principles by only buying her gifts of second hand clothing and items from boot sales for birthdays, Christmas and Mothers' Day, as it's clearly important to her.

Second hand in decent nick I would have no problem with - and indeed would welcome for financial and environmental reasons.

Poop and sick stained don't fit in the "decent nick" category for me.