To not want second hand clothes for DC from MIL?

[littleladybird14]

So I'm due with my second DC and MIL has passed a few gifts over to us from her similarly to when our DS was born a number of years ago. I am very grateful and love that she has gone to the trouble to buy things however in the same way she did with our DS she has been to car boot sales and bought second hand clothes ranging from outfits to bodysuits (when DS was born we also had an old Moses basket bought and similar baby essentials which we had already bought new so they ended up being spare thankfully!). I can tell she has washed them and I'm sure they have probably come from a good home but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed again that for her only grandchildren (both novelty as previously have a DS and now expecting a DD - both her only DGC) she has bought on the cheap. For the cost of a pack of bodysuits from asda it's nothing but hate idea of putting DC in previously soiled bodysuits knowing just how dirty they can get!
Don't get me wrong I've been given hand me downs by a very close relative and close friends whom I feel comfortable with - no poop stained bodysuits, good quality outfits which had hardly been worn / still had tags on! I guess I know where they've come from and I have decided to have these rather than being passed them as a gift.
Me and DH are in a fortunate position where we can afford to splurge a little as can she, and we nor she would buy clothes for ourselves second hand (I'm not disrespecting anyone who does at all so please don't think me being rude, it's just not what we do), but I just can't understand why she thinks reasonable for our child to have these and to be passed as a gift? My DH wasn't overly happy either but didn't say anything to her on either occasion. Strangely she doesn't do it so often since DS has grown up, it tends to be asda sale items which are sometimes a bit hit and miss (just my personal taste of her 'bargain finds' - again nothing wrong with asda!) and he'll wear them whilst he's at her house despite me packing other clothes! I guess I'll do like last time and put them to the bottom of the drawer never to be used but but AIBU (or hormonal due to pregnancy!!)??

I hear you OP. I often buy second-hand from ebay/sales/NCT and also happily accept loads of second-hand things passed on from relatives/friends, but I'd not be impressed at MIL giving me some as a present. It's not the principle of second-hand, but the impression given by the gift, and the fact that it's not you choosing it.

I have the same problem with MIL not with clothes, but with toys. She regularly appears with a toy she's found at a boot sale or charity shop that is dirty or stained: I'm not keen on this even when it's an item from a reputable brand but several of the things she's bought DD have absolutely no manufacturer or safety information and were/are often totally age-inappropriate (such as small choking hazard parts when DD was in a mouthing stage, for example) - they could be from anywhere, have lead paint in, dodgy plastics, goodness knows what. She won't listen to our polite requests to run toy purchases by us first, so now I just take the dodgy items away and bin.

I suggest you do the same: smile politely but unenthusiastically, take items away and dispose of. Hopefully MIL will get the message when none of them reappear. I don't have any scruples about this kind of thing now, I know you'll get loads of MN usual responses about YABU not to accept any gift blah blah, but some people do actually use gift-giving as a form of passive aggression, and whilst it's polite to accept all gifts with a good grace, it's also equally polite to think about other people's desires and wishes before you give them gifts....something that lots of people don't do (and why are they so often MILs....? )

Not liking second hand stuff in general is weird, and your OP is a pretty bizarre read tbh. Logic free zone. But it's up to you what you put your kids in, you're not obliged to use gifts given to you, and that's nobody else's business. Just give what you don't want to a good cause.

YANBU - I have no issue with hand me downs etc but stained bodysuits aren't ideal. Effectively your MIL is wasting money by buying things that won't be used; it might be a pound here and there but it does add up and ultimately isn't fair on her. Surely she would prefer that any money spent on her grandchildren was going to good use?

Pride it is not weird! I don't mind second hand but I understand some people do. Neither's weird!

I didn't want other people's cheap stained stuff either OP, I'm not against some really nice very high quality hardly worn second hand clothes, and I was given a lot of those, but babies spit up all the time, get carrot puree down stuff, I'd just rather have them in cheap new babygros that are clean. I didn't put them in stained stuff at all. Not very ecological, but I had a friend who dressed her dd in her son's old stained clothes and I just used to feel sorry for the little girl who really did look very manky on occasion.

Of course it doesn't make a difference in the long run, no-one is really saying wear good clothes get a job as a professor, are they? But I wear nice clean non-stained not scruffy clothes, often second-hand, myself and I wouldn't put a child in worse clothes than I wear.

stained bodysuits aren't ideal

There are no stained bodysuits. A subsequent poster came up with that. It's not in the opening post. The OP mentions "previously stained" as in "there might have been stains but MIL has washed them so I don't know if there were stains or not".
I could point out that all clothes, when they have been worn at least once by you or anyone else, are "previously stained".

Beg to differ there violet.

Right back to basics:

Second hand clothes from MIL as gift incl stained bodysuits from asda - feeling a bit put out by given cost of same item new from Asda. Accept the good thoughts and that she has gone to trouble but just feels a bit put out (esp as a gift to her newborn DGD) that she / we don't normally buy second hand and she knows that.

Second hand clothes from close relative / friend with no poo stains, good quality and I have decided to accept as a pass me down - I'm fine with ( I'm not a snob about second hand clothes if I've decided I want them and I know where they have come from and u accept everyone has individual opinions / choices)

Asda clothes - no issues with in particular except bizarre sale items obv no one else wanted and I wouldn't dress my child in. Baby grows and basic items you can't go too wrong with, fluorescent green puffa jackets I draw the line!

I think YABU, because for some reason you distinguish between new and second hand when actually she buys you things you don't like which fall into both of those categories. So YANBU to dislike some of the things she buys you but YABU to dislike anything simply because it's 2nd hand even if it is beautiful or in perfect condition. I don't understand a blanket dislike of any 2nd hand clothes but that's because I don't see any difference between them and new clothes (assuming the 2nd hand ones are clean/good condition) and in fact I prefer the idea of something having a longer life than it might have otherwise rather than buying cheap clothes of dubious origin.

Oh I see your update OP sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick

I was given lots of baby clothes and was very grateful. No shit stained stuff and I very much doubt you had any either.
I washed it all in fairy and it all smelt beautiful. Did both of my boys a treat.

Yanbu. I personally wouldn't want second hand bought from a car boot sale. I certainly wouldn't buy them as a gift!

Accept the good thoughts and that she has gone to trouble but just feels a bit put out (esp as a gift to her newborn DGD) that she / we don't normally buy second hand and she knows that.

Isn't she just buying them knowing most people use loads of baby clothes rather than a formal gift for her dgd? My mother turns up with "gifts" of washing powder and tea bags. She buys them because they're useful and she wants to be helpful. Isn't your mil most likely to be doing the same thing?

Yanbu I don't think. I would not put my child in vests and Babygros that other babies have worn, as I wouldn't wear bras, knickers, vests or socks myself that other adults have worn. I also don't save knickers, vests and socks for the next child. Maybe i am mad but they are so inexpensive I think if you're going to buy anything new then underwear is a good one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying second hand, but if you don't know its origin and you aren't comfortable with it, you could just say that you already have loads of stuff and that these type of things are so cheap new there really is no need to buy them secondhand if you can afford them. Pp have made very valid points about things that are more expensive, as buying secondhand can really help out. I am also pretty sure a lot of the people giving you a hard time about it wouldn't wear second hand underwear themselves either. Of course you can clean the clothes etc and there may be nothing at all wrong with them, but it's a new baby. I think you have to go with your own feelings. Just give them to charity if you can't talk to her about it.

I don't think yabu at all. OP has stated several times that it's more the stains she doesn't like. I chucked out anything stained. You're right, instead of stained bodysuits from the carboot, a pack of Asda suits is fine! I have lots of second hand stuff but I don't buy stained things.

Planty18 - thank you, very sensible post and I guess what I was hoping for in that I wasn't BU

Total over reaction on your part

If your thread was titled "AIBU to not want shit stained clothes bought for my baby", I'm quite sure posters would be unanimous that YANBU.

But that's not what this is really about is it?

You've got the arse because your MIL is buying secondhand clothes for your precious baby and you don't like it.

Fine, you don't have to like it but it's a bit shit to come onto a parenting website to crow about it - knowing that there will be many parents here who have no choice whatsoever in buying/accepting secondhand clothes.

And as for trying to blame hormones, at least have the backbone to own your own opinion.

Use the clothes, don't use the clothes. It's your decision and not a big deal.

The clothes from the car boot sale were stained even after MIL had washed them and gave them as a gift. They were from Asda originally so probably cost hardly less than a new pack.

That's the main thrust yes? YANBU IMO OP. It's no biggie though. Smile and thank her and don't use what you don't like.

My mum has form for finding the cheapest toys/books that she can in charity shops for DD. It's fine in principal, it's just that all the slightly hysterical ''guess how much i spent on ALL THIS !'' stuff does get a bit wearing. Yes, great, some scribbled on Mr.Men books for 50p. Well done. The thing is it's usually when we've just made a large purchase for DD for some reason, like her first bed or such, and it feels like some kind of dig. But that's probably just me being silly. It does depend on my mood

So secondhand shit from your side is better than the secondhand shit she gives you?
Aren't you being a tad discriminative towards her? And how the fuck do you know the history of all the garments that your mates give you?

I'd give anything for my MIL to turn up with secondhand clothes for my kids but she's dead and my OH misses her as much today as the day she died and he talks about her every single day.

By all means tell her her stuff isn't good enough if you want while still accepting your mates secondhand stuff because it's so much better. Kick her in the teeth and then moan years from now that she never comes around or buys your kids gifts.

Just give it to a charity shop, someone else willl be grateful even if you aren't.

Op I buy second hand all the time, for me and DC and DH, along with new and other stuff.

If item is in brilliant condition I cant see the harm.

I think however its nice to have some balance, so maybe bag of cheap as chips second hand along with lovely new item?

I too would be upset with 100% second hand!! Its occasionally to have a splurge and treat.

My mil always dulplicates cheap stuff - leggings, dressing gowns, cheap t shirts - we have tons, I would much rather she got odd expensive item.

Yanbu

While its kind of people, I don't use hand me downs for my DC. I've never brought second hand and I've never accepted offers from friends for hand me downs as I say it's kind of people to offer but it's not for me personally.

I would prefer good quality second had items compared to cheap primark ones.

I bought tons at NCT sales, got really bargins like a Debenhams dress for £2, the quality was so good, I re-sold it despite DD wearing it a lot.

I got babygrows worn by 3 previous babies before DD. I was glad I didn't had to pay for lots of new stuff. All of it then went to baby no. 5.

Obviously everybody has its own style and way to buy clothes but the problem we now have with shops like Primark or cheap supermarket clothing is a huge mountain of rubbish cluttering this island.

Op I agree with previous posters it is totally up to u what u choose to put on your baby!
Everyone is different!
I don't think ur being unreasonable at all, I had exact same issue with my mil..
Maybe just say to her "oh we don't need any more clothes we have plenty now, thanks very much" that way u aren't causing offence