To not want second hand clothes for DC from MIL?

[littleladybird14]

So I'm due with my second DC and MIL has passed a few gifts over to us from her similarly to when our DS was born a number of years ago. I am very grateful and love that she has gone to the trouble to buy things however in the same way she did with our DS she has been to car boot sales and bought second hand clothes ranging from outfits to bodysuits (when DS was born we also had an old Moses basket bought and similar baby essentials which we had already bought new so they ended up being spare thankfully!). I can tell she has washed them and I'm sure they have probably come from a good home but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed again that for her only grandchildren (both novelty as previously have a DS and now expecting a DD - both her only DGC) she has bought on the cheap. For the cost of a pack of bodysuits from asda it's nothing but hate idea of putting DC in previously soiled bodysuits knowing just how dirty they can get!
Don't get me wrong I've been given hand me downs by a very close relative and close friends whom I feel comfortable with - no poop stained bodysuits, good quality outfits which had hardly been worn / still had tags on! I guess I know where they've come from and I have decided to have these rather than being passed them as a gift.
Me and DH are in a fortunate position where we can afford to splurge a little as can she, and we nor she would buy clothes for ourselves second hand (I'm not disrespecting anyone who does at all so please don't think me being rude, it's just not what we do), but I just can't understand why she thinks reasonable for our child to have these and to be passed as a gift? My DH wasn't overly happy either but didn't say anything to her on either occasion. Strangely she doesn't do it so often since DS has grown up, it tends to be asda sale items which are sometimes a bit hit and miss (just my personal taste of her 'bargain finds' - again nothing wrong with asda!) and he'll wear them whilst he's at her house despite me packing other clothes! I guess I'll do like last time and put them to the bottom of the drawer never to be used but but AIBU (or hormonal due to pregnancy!!)??

I would be the same. Is the feeling irrational? Definitely! Would I care? No!
Just keep them in a bag somewhere and then give them to charity after a while. If she makes a comment about not seeing the outfits just say they are in wash.

If they look nice, what does it matter? Also, if you don't bring it up to her how is she to know that it bothers you? My DD never had a poo explosion so it's unreasonable for you to assume it's been pooed on just because it's second hand. If you don't need 2nd hand clothes, tell her you have enough money to buy new clothes and you are really glad she went to the effort, but you feel uncomfortable putting your children in 2nd hand clothes that come from strangers. She'll probably be a bit pissed for a while and then get over it, but at least she'll know not to buy you 2nd hand things.

I'm not sure I understand. You start off commenting on MIL buying secondhand for a newborn and say that she could have bought a "pack of bodysuits from asda". Then later on, when she does buy from Asda, you sniffily call it "a bit hit and miss".

Yabu.

Re asda being a standard to aim for, not sure what you mean? All I meant was given the cost of basic ranges / items from the likes of supermarket chains I didn't think it would be much more to spend, if at all on new items rather than second hand stained items?

I'm the same op. MIL told me am when I was pregnant she would start looking at Facebook selling sites and car boots for bargains. I felt like I was being really ungrateful saying that I didn't want her to. We have still ended up with all sorts of stuff.
I don't mind things from people I know. Just felt a bit because for my first baby especially I was looking forward to doing shopping and building and choosing.

She is a bit better after I have asked her if I can take the last few bits to a charity shop!!

Tis all personal preference.
My kids wear a lot of good quality, good condition second hand clothes but I wouldn't put them in anything from asda except maybe pyjamas/socks/knickers.

I love finding great second-hand stuff for my DC in charity shops and on ebay. But that doesn't mean I'd be happy for someone else to give me a load of it, as you do want to be able to pick and choose. Having said that I didn't really like being overwhelmed with clothes for my babies anyway, old or new, as it meant I couldn't justify shopping for them myself.

But I agree best plan is to pick out anything you love, and the rest goes to charity shop. People benefit all round - MIL indulges her habit, car boot sellers get paid, charity shop gets stuff.

If she asks about an item you can always say it turned out to be scratchy or a bad fit or whatever.

Tut tut. Shame on us.

My parents, dressed in rags as living as refugees in newly independent India - sharing hand me down books. Now professors in great health leading their fields.

Me - dressed in clothes stitched out of used and washed soft sarees, while I grew up playing in the mud, now university lecturer in a leading British university, healthy and whoa - not particularly affected by my dire clothing past.

DS - sat in front of me chewing a banana mashing it into the dog's fur dressed in second hand eBay cheapies. Another generation of heathens waiting to be ruined by not even Asda clothes.

OP what do you think might happen with these clothes on your kid? Will he look less babyish? Will they stain more easily? Will she break out in carbuncles and boils?

I don't think it's a case or being unreasonable or not.
She seems to like car boot sales and maybe she thinks it's a good bargain and never noticed the stains.

I think I'd inspect the clothes with her or mention some of the stains, so that she is aware that some of those clothes are not really appropriate and is either more careful or stops buying second hand.
But, for those in good condition, I'd just take them and use them.

She's probably aware that you were happy to get second hand clothes from friends and thinks you're fine with her buys.

I imagine they're not birthday presents, in which case then SWBVU.

Re hit and miss things from asda, fluorescent green puffs jacket reminiscent of bianca from eastenders springs to mind!
On the other hand nice t shirts, jeans and his school coat which I adore! I'm not a snob I just think everyone has their own tastes and asda caters for a variety which is great!

My mum bought loads of stuff from charity shops for both my boys - still does. I am grateful for it; I don't have time to go rummaging around, the charity shops where she lives are much cheaper than in London; she's good at finding nice stuff plus it's environmentally friendly! It also means I get to pick nice new stuff that I really like as I have the basics. So from my perspective YABU, but it's your kid and you get to decide. If it's mainly stuff like bodysuits your MIL isn't going to know whether your daughter is wearing "her" ones anyway.

Op your well in your rights to not want second hand clothes. I fully enjoyed going out and buying new for DD and picking little dresses. Clothes I prefer new as I said before I hated second hand clothes as a kid and was jealous of the kids who had the latest trends.

I say this as someone who has had the same cot for all three and use up cycled it. I still take pleasure in going shopping with my now toddler who equally enjoys it. I don't know why someone would take a snipe dig about asda. She said the grows were second hand some stained from asda when her mil could of got brand new for asda for most likely the same or similar price.

YABU. Her heart is in the right place; she's buying you this stuff for genuine, good reasons. I doubt she even noticed the odd stain. Just pick out the bits you like and donate the rest to charity, but don't feel "put out".

I realise it's personal preference, but really there is nothing wrong with second hand clothes, particularly for fast-growing children. It's much better for the environment too. All of mine were clothed from NCT Sales (don't worry, they'll be teenagers soo enough, and refuse to wear anythng with the wrong label, never mind second hand!).

I sympathise, I was grateful for second hand baby clothes given to me by friends and cheap backs of supermarket babygros. But stained stuff from car boot sales? No thanks. Just smile sweetly, tell her you have plenty of clothes now and not to buy any more and then donate them to a charity shop where someone else may appreciate them.

Yanbu to not want second hand, car boot soiled clothes. Even car boot stuff, Yanbu to not want that. A pack from asda/ supermarket is so cheap and surely she can just get them new. Anyway rather not say anything and just bag them and pass them to charity or if badly soiled then bin or use as cleaning material.

I personally look at it from an environmental perspective and I try not to waste what we already have and try and keep the planet in a good condition for our kids and their kids. There are so many chemicals in many new clothes and ASDA is not really the epitomy of human rights (both at Walmart and probably in the creation of their clothes). Since we do cloth nappies I am not really bothered by clothes if they have been soiled then washed. I would get annoyed though if more clothes were bought when I had enough as I feel as though our house is overtaken by clothes. Although I have been grateful for some girl bits and bobs recently since we have 2 boys. If you don't want the clothes given by MIL then give to charity.

I think YABU "not to be able to understand" why your MIL thinks second hand is ok - lots of people are quite happy to use second hand clothing because they don't see the point in spending more money for something that they don't think is any better. That's not that hard to understand, is it? The thing you need to get is that she thinks she is giving you the exact same thing that you would get new but for less money.

You don't see it as the same thing - which is fair enough when stuff is stained but, personally, I think it's a bit weird that, even when the stuff is clean and nice, you'd accept the same piece of clothing from a friend but not from a car boot sale.

My DH and I both have good salaries - could afford to buy everything new and genuinely not notice the difference - but I don't see the point and would rather buy some stuff (particularly clothing) second hand and have extra in savings for our child's future/for pension savings. For lots of people, it's not about being able to afford to "splurge", it's about not seeing that as worthwhile.

Yanbu, I don't buy 2nd hand clothes for me and my child either. I don't care what others do, but I don't want second stuff forced on me.

However here on mumsnet you will have plenty of sarky responses about being above yourself if you dare to buy anything knew instead of using stuff that has been passed around friends and family 17 times.

Erm... the OP is OK with second hand, although mostly from friends.
It's not that she rejects them completely.

yep, won't say anything, pack them away and pass to charity shop at a later date minus any stained items!!

Re an earlier post re second hand clothes and now professors, I'm not saying anything bad will happen to DC wearing second hand clothes but would like to make decision ourselves rather than forced upon us

senua
She was saying that clothes are cheap in asda why not by new because mil bought secondhand clothes that were from asda with slight staining. When in asda they would've been cheap, fresh and with no staining.

Second hand clothes in principle are fine, especially when babies and young children grow so quickly and need changing so often. You can't have enough spares IMO.

However I don't think many adults would buy themselves second hand underwear or pyjamas unless they were truly desperate, so vests and sleepsuits of unknown origin do feel a bit strange to me.

There's probably nothing wrong with them, but if you don't feel happy using them, you're not obliged to.

Just give them to charity.

She was saying that clothes are cheap in asda why not by new because mil bought secondhand clothes that were from asda with slight staining. When in asda they would've been cheap, fresh and with no staining.

I was trying to be polite but the point I made got lost in the politeness.
Friends give S/H, OP says that's OK.
MIL buys S/H, OP says why not buy Asda
MIL buys Asda, OP is still not happy.

It's obvious that whatever MIL does is going to be wrong in OP's eyes.