AIBU to think that this lady has lost her mind ...

[kavvLar]

South Kiosk at Martello Park Felixstowe out this status up on Facebook earlier today:

"Can we make ourselves perfectly clear to all parents who are too scared to disipline their children about tantrum screaming. We will give you five lenient minutes to ask the child to stop screaming and then we will ask the child ourselves. If that means you too having a tantrum about our having to speak to your child and hurling threats about not returning – that's really okay with us. We have a duty of care to the rest of our customers."

Cue hundreds of people flaming them on Facebook and 1* reviewing the business.

What on earth were they thinking?

I would also love to know how you 'stop' a tantrum and would loved to have seen someone attempt to stop my dd from having one when she was a toddler. Do people actually think there is an off switch for such things?

I would (and have) removed a tantrumming child from situations because they were disturbing others but it's not always possible is it?

I mean if you sat down for example to eat with your 3 kids and one throws a tantrum, you can't exactly tell the others they have to leave their lunch and get in the car.

I would love to know what words she would use. Or will she merely exacerbate the situation?

I am sure most parents feel as uncomfortable and as judged as anything when their child is in that situation and the last thing they need is another adult who knows fuck all about that child butting in.

This place sells (for now) sausage rolls and ice cream. It's on a bloody beachfront. If anyone's chosen that particular spot to get away form kids and have a bit of peace and quiet then it might be argued that they've already picked the wrong place.

No one wants to hear a screaming child, but bloody hell. In the great scheme of things it's just not a big deal.

This woman was bang out of order and probably deserves the criticism she's attracting. She chose social media to make her point, and as many have discovered before her, you don't get to control it.

Well, they've really done it now with their "these children didn't have disabilities" post!!!

Language evolves, Worra, and in a child-behaviour contact the term meltdown is now associated with ASD sensory overload. And my friends with children who have ASD find it supremely unhelpful when the term is misunderstood to mean a tantrum. So I prefer to let people know this, in case they don't already know.

Though some do and just don't care. Generally the same ones who use the term 'having a paddy' about their English child behaving so badly that they look like one of those hot-tempered, drunken Irish people.

I have been here several times and have witnessed this woman's bad attitude before, not just with children. If you read some earlier reviews you will see that this is not an isolated incident. Just yesterday she was rude to my husband and some other customers. We wont be returning. Why she set up shop next to a play area is beyond me.

Context, not contract.

" few people have mentioned meltdowns rather than tantrums. They're entirely different (though sometimes can look similar). Children with ASD have meltdowns and disciplining them for it would be the equivalent of disciplining a child with epilepsy for having a seizure."

I appreciate that dc with ASD have 'meltdowns', which are on whole different (psychological & physiological) level but any two year old can be beside themselves when sufficiently hungry, tired, over stimulated, coming down with an illness and something happens that makes them flip. No reasoning, disciplining or ignoring will make it ok until they have had their sleep, food, rest etc. A temper tantrum is more a battle of wills which is also noisy but a bit less intense/long. Both type of eruptions as well as children's noise are to be expected at an outdoors ice cream place and play area. The business owner is bang out of order to have grabbed the child's wrist though, that is completely unacceptable and acted unnecessarily judgmental of the families parenting and behaviour . I say this as a 'strict' parent.

Yeah I must admit I cringed at 'paddy'.

I'm not sure 'meltdown' will ever be used exclusively for children with SN though.

Why she set up shop next to a play area is beyond me.

Ice cream+ kids= ££££

I don't like them screaming and running around in places that are supposed to be calm places where people generally sit in quiet conversation. It's not safe and it's not fair.

You'd go to an ice cream kiosk in a play park for quiet conversation in a calm place? I don't think you've really thought that one through.

I remove my kids when I can from places when they throw tantrums and have meltdowns. It's not always the best course of action and in fact when you have more than a single child it isn't even always a possible course of action - why should one child lose out on a planned day out, or even a group of kids if you are meeting another family, because one has a bad few minutes? It's part of life. No, you don't take them to restaurants unless/until they are reliably calm unless you have a spare adult who can be dedicated to managing their behaviour, but this wasn't even a cafe. It was an outside bloody kiosk that sells child appropriate treats and supplies toys and crayons. You might as well visit a soft play and be irate about screaming.

She chose social media to make her point, and as many have discovered before her, you don't get to control it

There is a phrase...Think before you post.

And also all publicity is good publicity....except when it isn't.

I think this is DM fodder - it's got everything including the potential for a DM sad face.

It's a kiosk, not an upmarket restaurant! Talk about getting above yourself. They have taken this to the extreme!

Reminds me of Basil Fawlty and his adverts. I bet he'd have used FB to say 'no riff raff'.

Somerville whilst I appreciate that within the SEN community the term meltdown is used with a particular meaning, it has been in common English parlance for a very very long time, and any common dictionary (look it up online) will clearly show that in general usage it has a much broader meaning relating to a loss of emotional control. The fact that in some circles it has acquired a specific meaning, does not mean you can veto its more usual usages, one of which is as a synonym for tantrum.

Yes, The woman in questions has lost the plot.

Keep your thoughts to yourself, lady.

Worry, that is often my dilemma with DS. I can be somewhere with DD and DS. DS will kick off -does that mean DD should lose her treat/visit to the park/lunch/outing to take him home like I would do with just one?

Worra, sorry stupid autocorrect.

Reminds me of Basil Fawlty and his adverts. I bet he'd have used FB to say 'no riff raff

Blimey, there's a photo on the page of some poor kid who started work at the kiosk yesterday.

I think she's going to be handing out her CVs again pretty soon.

Actually if she was my dd, I'd be a bit worried about her working there now. I'd be surprised if there's not trouble over the next few days.

She touched someone else's child? What's appalling. How dare she.

Re the post, bad business move - and why tell the public you assaulted someone else's kid?

That's the thing Lambzig, it doesn't exactly help with sibling relationships does it?

When my family met up in a cafe after a memorial service for my Dad who had died a month before, the owner asked me to stop my son making noise or we had to leave. We left because my son is autistic and he was just making excited noises in response to the iPad app he was using - we have no way of stopping those noises.

We were all so bloody sad about loosing my Dad, who used to be my son's protector and defender, that we didn't have it in us to say anything except 'he's autistic, he can't help it.'

This cafe owner is the author of her own ruin unfortunately.