AIBU to think that this lady has lost her mind ...

[kavvLar]

South Kiosk at Martello Park Felixstowe out this status up on Facebook earlier today:

"Can we make ourselves perfectly clear to all parents who are too scared to disipline their children about tantrum screaming. We will give you five lenient minutes to ask the child to stop screaming and then we will ask the child ourselves. If that means you too having a tantrum about our having to speak to your child and hurling threats about not returning – that's really okay with us. We have a duty of care to the rest of our customers."

Cue hundreds of people flaming them on Facebook and 1* reviewing the business.

What on earth were they thinking?

The thing is, though, that getting yourself boycotted right at the start of the busiest time of year is an appalling business strategy. She probably relies on trade at this time of year to survive over the winter.

Yes that's a very good point, especially given the appalling whether we've had so far this Summer.

I imagine the rent/rates she pays are pretty extortionate too.

What an ignorant cunt! She can tell the difference between a child having a tantrum and one with special needs then? Either way its none of her business. It's absurd to even think that she has the authority/magical ability to deal with this better than a child's parents. Like they're gonna go "oh wow thanks we never thought of just asking them to stop doing that!"

Also this part does not even make grammatical sense - we will give you five lenient minutes to ask the child to stop screaming and then we will ask the child ourselves

Wtf is a lenient minute? Fuck right off you silly cow! Still never mind.....all those pesky customers won't be bothering you any more.

Somerville Though some do and just don't care. Generally the same ones who use the term 'having a paddy' about their English child behaving so badly that they look like one of those hot-tempered, drunken Irish people. hmm Why do you assume my child is English? If you bother to check, you'll see that it is not considered a racist slur by the urban dictionary, and some say it is a Yorkshire phrase.

There is even a whole thread on it here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1447610-AIBU-to-be-slightly-miffed-that-throwing-a-paddy-refers-to-Irish-people? which can't agree on the origins of it.

Carry on being the word and phrase police though. You also have to realise that people outside special interest communities such as those with SEN kids don't keep up with the current 'acceptable' vocabulary, as they are not in the group that needs/wants to use that.

YeOldMa it's easy to take the child away if it's just you and that child, or if there is another adult to stay with your other kids.

Not so easy if you're alone with more than one child, as I imagine removing all the kids due to a sibling tantrum would cause a lot more tears.

She's probably not going to get boycotted. A bunch of hysterics on the interwebs who probably live nowhere near it would never have used it have their knickers in a twist. Her takings might been down for a week.

Yes that's a very good point, especially given the appalling whether we've had so far this Summer

Forecast looks great next week.

There's going to be a lot of upset kids asking for an ice cream and being told no because their parents are boycotting it.

So even more issues and upset kids near her shop.

It'll probably be on Matthew Wright's show and all over the Dail Mail by Tuesday

I thought that too Worra. Here's is a picture for the squirrelling researchers. 🐿

It is not so easy to remove your child if they are not such a young child and are having a meltdown rather than tantrum.

You also have to realise that people outside special interest communities such as those with SEN kids don't keep up with the current 'acceptable' vocabulary, as they are not in the group that needs/wants to use that

Do you apply the same reasoning to any 'acceptable' forms of changing vocabulary, or limited to SEN?

Do you think that other people outside 'the group that needs/wants to use that' should remain in blissful ignorance of changes that are going on around them?

Both genuine questions as I I was surprised to see your comment.

Speaking about meltdowns, one problem I have with the re-definition of the word is the unwillingness of parents of children with ASD to recognise that children with other conditions/problems (e.g. trauma, extreme anxiety) have meltdowns/hysterical outbursts/whatever-we-are-allowed-to-call-them which are just as far removed from your average toddler's 10 minute tantrum over a dropped biscuit as a sensory overload meltdown. Yet if you speak about meltdowns you are told that they must only be used of children on the spectrum and refer to sensory overload.

Dd (trauma and anxiety) used to have completely ungovernable "whatevers" right up to the age of 10, during which she would kick and bite and rip things apart, be unable to understand speech or engage with other people, sometimes not able to recognise the people around her- yet one is supposed to refer to that by the same word as a toddler having a strop which can be stopped by a promise of chocolates. Another family member (also trauma) once kicked his way through a wooden door with his bare feet. These outbursts would go on until the child was physically worn out (not to mention the adult who had to restrain them). It was not possible to ignore the child as they were physically violent. But neither suffered from sensory overload, so it can't be meltdowns. Is there a word one is allowed to use?

Apparently there is another kiosk very close by at the play park so if people want to boycott hers but still get an ice cream then there's that option for the passing trade.
Her original post was ridiculous but the follow up one claiming to just know that the children (in another incident - claiming chairs were thrown) had no disabilities has really upset a lot of people with children with hidden disabilities and I can see why - the ignorance in her comment is quite outstanding.

The phrase "stop digging" has never been more needed.

I agree with them, one thing I will not tolerate is mine have a tantrum meltdown in public. It's not "damaging" to the child's well being to them that there is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.

I can tell my dd till I'm blue in the face that it's not acceptable to tantrum in public. However she is 3 and they are not always rational at this age so sometimes it happens. It happens to the best of us - most people do what they can.

So sick of parent shaming, no matter what you do there will always be someone who has something to say about it. If my dd has a tantrum in public I know that it's developmentally normal for her age but I get flustered dealing with it in public because I know that chances are there will be some arsehole critiquing me and thinking that they can do it better. How about all these perfect people/parents who judge and shame other parents try their hand at it with our children and see how they get on?

The establishment have made a big mistake. If I'm ever in the area I'll be certain to avoid it, especially as it seems the customer service there leaves a lot to be desired and this clearly isn't a one off.

And I don't see how the owner can somehow know that the child in question didn't have a disability of some kind. Disabilities aren't always obvious and unless she asked the parents specifically how on earth would she know for sure?? Idiot woman.

Apparently (according to a seperate witness but obviously would need verified) she came out of her little booth, grabbed the 2 year old by the wrists and told/shouted at her to behave.
I can imagine the parents weren't too pleased!!

I'd love to tell my DD that her tantrum is "unacceptable public behaviour" and have her stand up and say "Oh I'm terribly sorry mother, I hadn't for one second considered the social implications of my displeasure, I shall cease to express my unhappiness forthwith and exude a more amiable air until we are within the confines of our home"...

But let's be a little more fucking realistic here. Toddlers have tantrums, ignoring them is often the key to diffusing them. But when I want a random angry lady in an apron to come and grab my screaming child by the wrist in an attempt to calm them down, by all means I'll go to Felixstowe.

She sounds nuts. I hope she gets reported and they get closed down! How DARE she touch a child.

Some people on here are unbelievable!

So you "won't tolerate" a public tantrum? Since when has a lack of parental tolerance prevented a 2yo having a tantrum? Ridiculous

How can you punish a child for being unable to self- regulate? It's a neuro-developmental stage ffs!

Rock on to anyone who thinks they can stop my toddler mid tantrum
Especially if they think that talking will stop it. Screaming louder would be the end result

However if someone would have grabbed my toddler I would have 'had a tantrum' to better the toddler.

And just how does a small child throw chairs anyway

I don't understand why people who clearly don't like their target customers go in to this kind of business. In our village the only cafe was run by such a vinegar faced woman nobody went there. She only had one high chair because she didn't want more than one baby in at a time and she wouldn't allow buggies, they had to remain outside in the rain. If you only wanted a coffee, no cake there'd be a sigh and an eye roll. Still, at least she never had a social media presence.

Under new ownership the place is now a buzzing and happy social hub of the village.

WorraLiberty I have 6 children, the first 4 are within 5 years of each other. Once we'd learned what was causing it, we had much bigger spaces for the other 2! The older ones quickly learned that when I promised we would go back, we would. Most of the time I did have someone with me when we went out but sometimes I was brave enough to go out on my own.

Well, well! I only very recently discovered from MN that meltdown is now a specific term to be used for autistic children, and it not ok for me to be using it about dD or hideous days at work etc. I now discover that the term 'having a paddy' is actually derogatory to Irish people! Is this truly the origin of this phrase? As an Irish person myself, I have always happily used this phrase a lot about tantruming children. Have recently stopped using dh's phrase 'on the cock' to describe something that isn't quite straight, assuming it was some quaint Yorkshire term. Until he told me he only uses it because I do, and I have no idea where I got it from, or whether it's rude or not....

I would say a 2 year old having a tantrum is age appropriate behaviour. Someone grabbing hold of my child in those circumstances is not in any way appropriate and depending on what time of the month it was I would have grabbed her arm back to swiftly remove it, or possibly something a lot more hideous. She is an adult and should have learned to control her emotions, something a two year old cannot yet do. What an idiot.