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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that this lady has lost her mind ...

300 replies

kavvLar · 17/07/2016 19:09

South Kiosk at Martello Park Felixstowe out this status up on Facebook earlier today:

"Can we make ourselves perfectly clear to all parents who are too scared to disipline their children about tantrum screaming. We will give you five lenient minutes to ask the child to stop screaming and then we will ask the child ourselves. If that means you too having a tantrum about our having to speak to your child and hurling threats about not returning – that's really okay with us. We have a duty of care to the rest of our customers."

Cue hundreds of people flaming them on Facebook and 1* reviewing the business.

What on earth were they thinking?

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 20/07/2016 03:52

It makes it true that you're sharing unsubstantiated gossip to get a little extra mileage out of enjoying a lynch mob. As I said earlier, this is no better than witch hunts and all this 'well I heard she did xyz' is just typical of that sort of behaviour.

LilQueenie · 20/07/2016 03:55

and you jump on my post why? half the posts made on this topic would fall into the same category as they have been written with bias.

BillSykesDog · 20/07/2016 04:00

Because yours was so ridiculous. Yes, some other posts are probably in the same vein. But you were gleefully repeating outrageous and possibly libellous gossip based on a FB post. It was just a perfect example of what I was talking about so worth pointing out.

donthaveto · 20/07/2016 04:35

Would any one mind if a stranger asked their child if they were ok or just asked them to shh ?
I was in a shop the other day and the mother was waiting for the goods she had ordered so couldn't leave and the child was having a scream , mum was ignoring child as you say best thing to do but I would have liked to help the poor mum by doing one of these things .
Any one any thoughts on this ?

honkinghaddock · 20/07/2016 06:14

If you intervened when I was with my child then I wouldn't be happy because I would see it as a judgement on my parenting and my son (he is disabled) even if it wasn't meant that way. In my son's case it wouldn't work and may make matters work.

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/07/2016 08:09

The queue outside the kiosk looks like the pensioner crowd are supporting her.

Spudlet · 20/07/2016 09:29

donthaveto Ask the parent if they're OK. Speaking directly to the child when the parent is right there is downright undermining. But speaking to the parent (with a sympathetic smile) is far kinder!

acasualobserver · 20/07/2016 09:45

... but when the dad of the little ones asked could it be moved away from her pathway, she told him in quite a brusque manner, no.

Pure evil!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 20/07/2016 11:27

donthaveto - Would any one mind if a stranger asked their child if they were ok or just asked them to shh ?

It's not so much that I would mind as that those things wouldn't help at best, and would often make the tantrum worse. In that having to wait scenario, for example - if my DC were tantrumming about that, then it would be all "not okay because don't want to be here waiting", and if it was as simple as telling them to shh, well, they'd not be screaming in the first place, would they?

Distractions can sometimes help - getting the DCs attention on something other than whatever it is they're having a tantrum about can help stop the tantrum - but not always.

GreenShadow · 20/07/2016 14:17

Ignoring the the reputation of / the conduct of the owner (which I'm not condoning), if my child had been screaming/playing up for 5 minutes, I would have already been out the door. No way could I sit there and let other people have to put up with it. No one deserves to have to listen to someone else's child when they are out trying to relax and enjoy themselves. Sorry if this makes me unpopular on MN, but there it is.

Discobabe · 20/07/2016 14:49

There is no door though. It's a kiosk, you don't go in it, you stand outside, on public land. There is no where to move your child where they won't still be heard. I'm all for removing kids if they are kicking off in a cafe etc but this an outside spacecraft's, public land, next to play park. Surely you expect to hear tantrums at a play park full of kids?

Discobabe · 20/07/2016 14:50

Outside space. It's not a space craftGrin

Suffolkseaside · 20/07/2016 15:20

BillSykesDog I'd like the both sides of the story to be mentioned. I'd like her to not get abusive to people who aren't being abusive to her. She's been offered help from people on how to deal with children that may have autism from parents and carers, and to make her business autism friendly. She has, after all, boasted in the past that there is someone who can sign, so that being deaf is no problem. However, she's just thrown up another status which shows her ignorance. It could be her age. She could be on the spectrum herself, in that, I wouldn't be surprised. If she was to close her page back down for a week, she'd probably be forgotten about again.

I'd like to make it clear as well, that I don't agree with wholeheartedly attacking her. She may be intolerable to some, but from the comments I've seen from her on her FB page, and from sitting near her kiosk, that's obviously just who she is. It's best just to ignore her, and take your custom to the other kiosk next door.

donthaveto - I agree with spudlet Ask the parent if they're OK. Speaking directly to the child when the parent is right there is downright undermining. But speaking to the parent (with a sympathetic smile) is far kinder!

In the past, I've had times when I've been struggling with unhappy babies, and I always appreciated the people who took the time to ask if there was something that they could do. If they'd decided to discipline my children for me, or touched them without permission, I would have been very unhappy. Sometimes it's as simple as a sympathetic smile and a "that looks hard, can I help?".

Allaboutcake · 20/07/2016 18:14

Anyone else following the madness still?

Bearsinmotion · 20/07/2016 21:02

Is there anything more to follow?!

LockedOutOfMN · 20/07/2016 22:38

Sarah Vine wrote a column in the Daily Fail in praise of the café owner here .

2nds · 21/07/2016 10:48

The Felixstowe lady was just on This Morning, omg I'm going to have to watch her speech again she seemed very angry!!

2nds · 21/07/2016 10:51

And she could surely have removed her sunglasses before going on camera......

mcdog · 29/07/2016 03:28

The current page on Facebook cannot be real surely?!?!

mimishimmi · 29/07/2016 05:35

Guess I'm in the minority but I agree with her. I was very thankful to a man on the train who growled at my then three year old DD "Listen to your mother and be quiet!" when she was throwing a tantrum on a train. She shut up immediately. If I was waiting in line at a kiosk and my kid wouldn't stop screaming, I'd feel similarly grateful if the owner told them to cut it out. I might feel more annoyed if they blamed me when I was clearly trying to stop them... then again, we'd be leaving the line and no icecream for them!

kiwimumof2boys · 29/07/2016 06:55

Their original FB now looks to be private so couldn't have a look. However I found another (?) one - not sure if it is a troll or related but saw the comment:

"We've had lots of 5* reviews in the last 24 hours.
It's seems the autism breeders have moved onto their next Facebook page to troll.
Good riddance I say!"

I really hope it is a FB troll. As a mother of an autistic child I'm Shock

mathanxiety · 30/07/2016 03:26

But would your DD have done that for you, Mimishimmi?
I'm going to answer - I seriously doubt it.

Children behave differently for their parents than they might for a stranger.

The problem is that people are assuming parents can't be arsed to take control of their children, and they judge them, when actually parents are most likely doing the best they can whether that is clear to a bystander or not.

Thornrose · 30/07/2016 12:56

autusm breeders Shock bloody hell I've never heard that before.

Thornrose · 30/07/2016 12:57

autism Blush

donthaveto · 03/08/2016 16:47

Thanks for your replies - in future I will ask if I can help . I certainly didn't realise that you would think that I would be admonishing your child , I'm sorry if you thought that . In my view I would be happy if someone did this with my child but we are all different even on different days !
With the idea that a "sh" would be all it took - I was thinking more of the shock factor of someone other than mum speaking to the child.
I can see that trying to distract the child would be a much better way to help and if I see this again I will do .

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