WIBU (and a bit churlish) to refuse to pick this woman up?

[justnotaballetmum]

Pertinent facts are:

1. I'm at work this afternoon. The job involves driving but has a clear start point.

1. I'm working with someone else who doesn't drive, so she is in my car for the duration of the shift.

1. The woman lives close to me, but not 'that' close. 2 and a half miles away from me or eight minutes drive (according to googlemaps)

1. The start point is 7 miles away from me, and 7 miles from her.

1. There are buses every fifteen minutes.

Sigh. So, I got a text - 'would you be able to pick me up please'

On the one hand, the weather is not great and it isn't far and blah blah.

But it's about half an hour extra if I count driving to hers, picking her up, then back again. Plus, I wanted to set off earlier to nip in to the supermarket which is en route.

The really unreasonable part though is that I just don't like her she isn't horrible or anything but irritating - yaps and yaps and asks endless questions that aren't meant awkwardly but are, and she is very entitled with lifts (the asking rather than telling is new.)

So - unreasonable to reply that I can't/won't, or mean spirited?

Sorry for derail but I've seen this so many times on MN and in real life - it cost me a fortune to learn to drive and loads of people can't afford it.

Best cover all reason, which will always be true: 'I've got too much to do to be able to fit in extra driving time'
Reply to any moans about bus etc: 'That's a shame'.
Reply to any questions about bus times etc: 'I don't know'
Stick with all that and she'll give up.

But if you can't afford to learn to drive you have to factor that into your job hunting. She should either be loving closer to work or working closer to home. Or paying for a taxi.

I'd be knocking the morning and night lifts on the head too. If she can't afford the taxi she needs to rethink her working and living arrangements.

Argh, I work with several non drivers, two of which live on my way home and I often give a lift to, fair enough. The other night someone asked me for a lift which would put at least 30 extra minutes on my drive home (which is normally 5 mins tops) and thought I was unreasonable when I said no!!! Bearing in mind I don't finish work until around midnight.....

Oh yes Jennifer of course. I just meant in general it's a reason why some people don't learn in response to pp saying she couldn't understand it.

I think the OP should tell this chancer to jog on.

I live in central London and I honestly don't think I know a single person of my generation who has a car. Our parents who live in the suburbs or country all do, but no one in my extended group of friends/acquaintances does.

Hearts ugh I think you're being really narrowminded. It is more normal for Canadians to know how to drive but plenty of them choose not to for long periods - my Canadian husband, for instance. In his case, for environmental reasons. It was among the factors that made us move to Vancouver where plenty of people choose not to drive. But gas and insurance are a lot cheaper here so there is a lot more point to a young person learning how to drive, so more of them do. I have never been able to afford it and have made my way just fine. Currently in London Ontario feeling glad none of the Canadians I know talk like you!

Car share 😂

I think TendonQueens advice Is spot on.
Great, to the point, don't sound sorry or weak, stand yr ground, even on rainy/cold days, if not, once the winter comes you will be her unpaid chauffeur, wouldn't we all want one of those??
Don't waiver as it sounds as though she is used to asking and getting her way, she the sort of person who takes, takes, takes!!
This is your life, live it for you, not through other people, don't choose to spend time with people that sap your energy, (as much as you can?)

'Be strong, you are not in the wrong' (as a mantra)

Hearts there is a world of difference between learning to drive in the UK and North America. It is so much more expensive here and the standard required to pass the text much much harder. It's almost impossible to draw analogies.

YANBU. Just tell her it's not convenient to drive out of the way, I wouldn't start out with excuses because you'll spend your whole life either making excuses or just sucking it up and driving that extra 30 minutes. I also didn't drive until my 20's, I KNOW how much of a hassle it is, but that was my problem, and her problem now. You shouldn't feel guilty. She should just get the bus or learn to drive.

I might as well ask someone who drives, who don't you take public transport if it's available

I do - I often take the train rather than driving if it's just me and I don't have lots of luggage. Also had a holiday in Jersey earlier this year and instead of taking the car or hiring one, got a week's bus pass.

But you couldn't cope where I live without a car. Public transport is almost non-existent and if you have having to ferry kids around it must be really hard. I am a grumpy driver and avoid motorways where possible, but I could not manage without a car.

I suspect very few men say they are too anxious to drive.

No you're not unreasonable. I have a work colleague who has taken the mick so many times that I just don't give them lifts at all any more - and they don't ask! We're still friends though.

purple - that's why I drove for 17 years! I'm not 'too anxious' to drive. Driving lowers my quality of life. I don't avoid it because I'm scared of it, but because of its effects, if that makes sense. I'm actually thinking of getting a motorcycle licence - one of my big issues is complete inability to guage the size of my vehicle, and switching sides of the road has made that even worse. It took me years to learn where the right side of my car was in the US, and now it's not there but my brain still thinks it is (and isn't aware of the right side). I think those issues won't be there with a motorcycle. But not useful for ferrying kids, I'm afraid...

How was it at work?