WIBU (and a bit churlish) to refuse to pick this woman up?

[justnotaballetmum]

Pertinent facts are:

1. I'm at work this afternoon. The job involves driving but has a clear start point.

1. I'm working with someone else who doesn't drive, so she is in my car for the duration of the shift.

1. The woman lives close to me, but not 'that' close. 2 and a half miles away from me or eight minutes drive (according to googlemaps)

1. The start point is 7 miles away from me, and 7 miles from her.

1. There are buses every fifteen minutes.

Sigh. So, I got a text - 'would you be able to pick me up please'

On the one hand, the weather is not great and it isn't far and blah blah.

But it's about half an hour extra if I count driving to hers, picking her up, then back again. Plus, I wanted to set off earlier to nip in to the supermarket which is en route.

The really unreasonable part though is that I just don't like her she isn't horrible or anything but irritating - yaps and yaps and asks endless questions that aren't meant awkwardly but are, and she is very entitled with lifts (the asking rather than telling is new.)

So - unreasonable to reply that I can't/won't, or mean spirited?

I'm a grown up who chooses not to drive. No physical reason not to.

And I can't understand why fellow grown ups can't grasp that some people are spectacularly shit at it. That it's safer if people with zero spacial awareness, nerves shot to pieces and little co-ordination stayed away from the roads in a potential killing machine. And no amount of "you just need practice" will persuade me otherwise.

I use public transport, walk LOTS and get a taxi if neither is available. Simple really

I had this. Colleague didn't drive, lived about 7 mins drive away from me. Wanted to know if I could take him home every day, it was "sort of" en route to mine, but sometimes I varied the route I took home depending on traffic, sometimes I went to visit my mum on the way home (she was directly on my way home). There was a bus that took him the exact same way home, it would just take longer, being a bus and all that.

I didn't dislike him, he seemed ok, but I just didn't want the regular arrangement, or the expectation, or to feel guilty if it was raining but I wanted to pop in on my mum so he'd have to get the bus home. Also my job was very stressful, and my relationship at the time was also very stressful, so being in the car on the way to and from work was a chance to unwind on my own. I didn't want to share my own space with anyone.

In short, I said no and never did give him a lift home. Would still do the same again today. Once you do it, there will be an expectation to do it more regularly as "why not". Then you'll be the bad guy if you don't do it more often.

Just Say No, it's not possible.

No sorry I can't see you at work! She sounds very cheeky, liftzilla .

Don't say "that sounds really difficult for you" when she moans about the buses. Because it isn't! It's quite simple really. And she is just guilt tripping you.

She is a liftzilla. Understandable if late / dark etc but during the day its just easier for her not to and its your time that is taken up.

If she doesn't drive, then surely she's be reliant on buses when she goes shopping/day trips/doctors etc, and would know exactly when the buses run. What did she do before using you as her own personal chauffeur service? What does she do if you take annual leave?

She's banking on you feeling so guilty that you'll back down and agree to pick her up; how manipulative!

If you pass her on the way home waiting for the bus don't forget to shout "Bus wanker!" at her

What cheek she has! Makes u gals u said no right?
Phone on silence.
Reply once later ' Sorry to hear that, sure u will get sorted, c u at work, chat later, I busy with WHATEVER (kids, dog, hobby, xxxxx).

She a user. She not your friend.
Stay strong: no is a complete sentence and once u say no once it all over!

Really hope you stayed strong and didn't pick her up!

You are not a taxi driver, at any time of day or night.

Get yer big girl pants on and tell her.

Why do you feel you have to accommodate her anyway? People pleaser? like me, still learning

I have an adult friend who doesn't drive because she has dyspraxia (and dyslexia, dyscalcula etc.). She says she would be a menace on the road, so she doesn't drive. Which is fair enough.

What happened op

Bus wanker

For the poster who was wondering about why some people don't drive, there are many possible reasons, but for me it was plain money. I have just, in my mid 40s, managed to get a decent lump of money saved so that I can afford the £260 every 5 weeks. It wasn't a case of going without my daily glass of champagne, but, last time I tried to learn, watching my overdraft creep up with every lesson and worrying about rent/mortgage money. I have also decided to learn in an automatic because it will take less lessons.

Just to add if I can't get myself there I don't go other than genuine emergency (hospital for example) for which I have a few good mates who I help in other ways. The OPs workmate is definitely BU.

Yep she sure is annoying! Hopefully it'll help you feel less guilty!

Urgh. Text her a link to the timetable

Send her a message with...

The way I see it, you have these options...

1. Bus - If you are capable of texting me for a lift, you can look up the timetable on the internet. You will of course, have to pay for this service yourself.
2. Taxi - again, the number can be found on the Internet. You will also have to pay for this service. It will cost more, but then you don't have to research the bus timetable or suffer the indignity of travelling with the general public.
3. Learn to drive, buy and maintain your own car. Once again, this will be at your own expense.
4. Find a job that is within walking distance from your house.

I will no longer be spending 2.5 hrs per week of valuable time and money funding your trips to work.

How did you get on with things yesterday OP?

I would take the opportunity to text and say " I'm not going to be able to offer anymore lifts in the future thanks

And I say that as a now non driver

I think some of you are being disingenuous. Of course I didn't mean visually impaired people, or people with epilepsy, or very high anxiety, or any number of physical or medical reasons that they can't drive. Actually I had a stretch of a year where I wasn't allowed to drive for medical reasons (medication I was on).

But. But but but. I still really don't understand those who are capable of it choosing not to. I guess maybe it comes from it being so easy in this country to be a non-driver, with its amazing public transport Southern trains notwithstanding and everything being fairly close by and walking being a mostly pleasant experience, unlike so much of the US and Canada.

Still think it's a life skill that people should have. Like cooking a meal or balancing a cheque book or something.

Adder money is an angle I have to admit I hadn't considered. You have to do a certain number of driving lessons before you are allowed to do your test, is that right?

I agree with you, HeartsTrumpDiamonds. Some posters are just miss-matchers, their first default is to find the obvious 'loophole' and exploit it to make an unnecessary point.

We already have - and mostly loath - 'lighthearted' on threads. Do we really need to start posting a 'disclaimer' excluding disabilities, impairments and SN from posts. It should be bleeding obvious, and I think it is.