WIBU (and a bit churlish) to refuse to pick this woman up?

[justnotaballetmum]

Pertinent facts are:

1. I'm at work this afternoon. The job involves driving but has a clear start point.

1. I'm working with someone else who doesn't drive, so she is in my car for the duration of the shift.

1. The woman lives close to me, but not 'that' close. 2 and a half miles away from me or eight minutes drive (according to googlemaps)

1. The start point is 7 miles away from me, and 7 miles from her.

1. There are buses every fifteen minutes.

Sigh. So, I got a text - 'would you be able to pick me up please'

On the one hand, the weather is not great and it isn't far and blah blah.

But it's about half an hour extra if I count driving to hers, picking her up, then back again. Plus, I wanted to set off earlier to nip in to the supermarket which is en route.

The really unreasonable part though is that I just don't like her she isn't horrible or anything but irritating - yaps and yaps and asks endless questions that aren't meant awkwardly but are, and she is very entitled with lifts (the asking rather than telling is new.)

So - unreasonable to reply that I can't/won't, or mean spirited?

justnot - come on, you can't have it both ways.
You don't like her, you don't want to spend more time with her than you have to - that's FINE.
But don't then beat yourself up over it!
And don't feel guilty about not liking her, that's just the way it goes sometimes - are you generally a people-pleaser?
You've done something you needed to do for YOU for once - embrace it! Be assertive, if you don't want to do something for someone, accept that and don't do it next time either!

She replied saying she didn't know what time the buses were but ok - I just didn't reply.

Onedaft, it is part of the run morning and night but not during the day, because there is public transport.

Thumb, yeah, I just feel mean, and I don't like feeling that way! It makes me feel bad!

I know you've already replied but I'd go with the "that doesn't work for me I have plans, see you x" end of - blunt and same when she expects/asks for a lift home.

But you'd feel bad as well if you had her in your car, and then you'd be wishing you'd been stronger and stuck to your guns, and then you'd feel worse, eh?

So this is the lesser of the 2 feeling bads. And if you accept that you are allowed to do what is better for you, then you might even stop feeling quite so bad about it

She's an adult and needs to take responsibility for getting herself to work. You are not a free taxi.

Don't feel bad. She was rude to 'ask' when she knows it's out of your way, you are colleagues not friends & there are busses. Plus you know she's not really 'asking' she's 'expecting' cunningly disguised as 'asking' because someone's obviously told her!

I think you need to suggest she books a minicab to pick her up at the end of the day...

Haha Thumb, so true, I do feel better now - still dreading working with her mind!

I might just be a mean person but I wouldnt have replied to her text asking if she could get a lift.
Its not your responsibility to help her out so dont fall into giving lifts to her. Just ignore and she will stop asking.

Yeah, sorry, can't help you with that one. Unless you tell her you have a raging ear infection and can't hear much, so every time she speaks you yell "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SORRY!"

Glad it's sorted this time, but when she next asks, remember you don't have to explain or justify yourself at all. A brief reply of "sorry, can't do it" is more than adequate.

some people think theyre entitled to everything-i wouldnt dare assume someone could give me a lift and always offer petrol money and im a driver

the amount of times people assume im driving them somewhere is unbelievable

She replied saying she didn't know what time the buses were but ok

She meant, I couldn't be bothered to work out the buses, cos notjust will give me a lift...but now you have put me out, you are not nice... GIVE ME A LIFT OK

Silence is good. And when you see her smile a lot. Say no!

Do you have a car allowance OP? If not, is it expected that this woman picks up the costs of 50% of the driving, ie. taking it in turns?

Aside from the fact that you don't like her, your car is getting extra wear and tear from having an additional person in it. What are your T&Cs related to this working in so far as car-sharing goes?

Good,on you for saying no!
Have an answer prepared If she raises it - and be honest: say "it is an extra 30mimutes driving for me, so I can't give you a lift. I know a great driving instructor if you want a recommendation though. So, what did you do in the weekend? "

OR: if her paying you money would work, say that. Or if you would take her on Mondays only, say that..

It is your life, your car and YOUR TIME! 30 minutes is 2.5hrs/week - way to much to give to someone you dislike!

If she asks why you aren't giving her lifts any more, tell her you like being alone.
If she texts another time, don't say 'can't' or 'sorry', just 'No, I'll see you there.'
Be honest with yourself and her. No need to be hurtful, just factual.

Don't feel mean.

In fact, it's rather telling she doesn't know (or claims not to know) the times for the buses. It means she's never used to making her own way.

In the next few days, I'd probably start complaining about the costs of having and using a car, and how tiring it is to drive, and then how tired you are at the end of the day and really savour those minutes alone between work and home.

She has a brass neck.Dont suppose you could change your phone number and not give it to her.People like her annoy me and give all us non drivers a bad name.

Who accepts a job that involves travel and not have your own transport/not have a good knowledge of the local bus service? Ffs she's a grown adult and needs to take responsibility for herself.

People like that don't see the extra time/petrol/effort it takes to pick them up and drop them off, they just see the bit from when their arse is in your car and don't 'see' the rest of it - nor care.

I'm getting regaled with texts complaining about the bus

Wow, she's got a lot of nerve!

Heh heh - just enjoy them. She's actually trying to guilt-trip you - don't let it work!

Or text back "I'm sorry, I think you're confusing me with the bus company, you'd be better letting them know about any problems with the bus service"