WIBU (and a bit churlish) to refuse to pick this woman up?

[justnotaballetmum]

Pertinent facts are:

1. I'm at work this afternoon. The job involves driving but has a clear start point.

1. I'm working with someone else who doesn't drive, so she is in my car for the duration of the shift.

1. The woman lives close to me, but not 'that' close. 2 and a half miles away from me or eight minutes drive (according to googlemaps)

1. The start point is 7 miles away from me, and 7 miles from her.

1. There are buses every fifteen minutes.

Sigh. So, I got a text - 'would you be able to pick me up please'

On the one hand, the weather is not great and it isn't far and blah blah.

But it's about half an hour extra if I count driving to hers, picking her up, then back again. Plus, I wanted to set off earlier to nip in to the supermarket which is en route.

The really unreasonable part though is that I just don't like her she isn't horrible or anything but irritating - yaps and yaps and asks endless questions that aren't meant awkwardly but are, and she is very entitled with lifts (the asking rather than telling is new.)

So - unreasonable to reply that I can't/won't, or mean spirited?

Well I'm 58 and have never driven. I had lessons and took test at 19 and failed, didn't continue after that. I hated driving then and am a nervous passenger never mind driving myself. Am convinced I would have bad accident and kill not just myself but my passengers and other road users.

I think it's the sheer volume of traffic that terrifies me - if there were the numbers on the roads now as when I was a kid in the sixties I would be far more confident.

You have to do a certain number of driving lessons before you are allowed to do your test, is that right?

No. My best friend's DH taught both their DCs. Not one lesson taken. They both passed first time and all it cost was the theory test and practical test fees. A lot of patience needed but quite possible to do!

Then I understand it even less! My dad taught me to drive. I went to some road safety classes with an outfit called (really and truly) Young Drivers Of Canada

Yes, driving is scary when you first do it. Yes, there is a learning curve. Yes, you need to train your brain to process speed and the size of your car and checking blind spots and all of that. But I think it is socially acceptable in this country especially for women to hide behind the scared-of-driving or spatial awareness thing. I cannot imagine any of my Canadian friends / acquaintances (invoking Lying's disclaimer) doing that. It's unheard of.

Sorry OP, will stop derailing your thread now!

Where I live learner drivers have to pay for a set number of theory lessons and driving lessons (about 30), they can't just turn up to a test. It's expensive.
Most people do learn, but I'd rather not have poor drivers on the road.

I have quite good friends that don't drive or don't use a car.
They are good friends because although I do give them lifts all the time, they don't presume I will and aren't bothered when I can't for whatever reason.

Rousette unless they have access to sufficient private land on which to learn I'd imagine the cost was significantly more as they would require insurance to be on the road.

If MN has taught me anything, it's these two phrases:

"did you mean to sound that rude"
and
"that doesn't work for me"

reply "that doesn't work for me, I'll meet you at (wherever you want to meet her, point A.) and NOTHING more

making excuses is a slippery slope, either they problem solve your excuses for you which leaves you in a pickle, or you have to maintain lies.

Just "that doesn't work for me" no more no less

Being able to drive and being able to afford to run a car, are two separate things

I know lots of people who have driving licences but don't drive because they can't afford a car at the moment

You are not a taxi service, and especially not for someone who seems to have a sense of entitlement. If you meekly agree this will be only the beginning - I speak from bitter experience!

Hearts, I don't have any medical conditions that stop me learning to drive and I could probably stretch to affording lessons. I just don't want to.

So I live & work in London, walk a lot, make sure that when I'm going somewhere else I know about the local public transport and have taxi numbers, and if someone does offer me a lift somewhere I reciprocate with petrol money and coffees / lunch / whatever's appropriate.

My choice, my responsibility.

Nothing wrong with not driving, but if you are asking someone for a lift because you don't drive you should be nice about it and accept that you might be told no.

How does she function for everyday tasks without you?! Surely she goes out, buys food and clothing?

You pay car insurance, tax, mot, petrol, wear and tear on your car for the convenience of having your own transport. She earns money that she chooses not to spend on these things. Why should you sub her?

She sounds very young and rather spoilt!

I dont drive but would never assume a lift - I would rather make my own way. Two and a half miles extra each way is quite a bit ask - five miles per day. Could you be straightforward and say you're finding you dont have time to drive an extra five miles so you're sorry but she can no longer rely on you. Then you can occasionally soften if you want to.

Come back OP!

I bet OP caved in and gave a lift to the entitled madam

Why is everyone feeling the need to explain to Hearts and others why they don't drive? It's none of their business is it really?

There are other 'life skills' around and maybe you don't have them all Hearts

But nice derail to focus on and I hate how we are all lumped in with this lazy entitled woman.

I didn't "feel the need"

Hearts said she couldn't understand so I chose to put my side tis all.

If you say no (politely) enough times, she'll get the hint and stop asking.

OP is currently in the Tesco car park waiting for annoying colleague to do her weekly shop and have a coffee...

Can't manage that - see you at x.

In any conversation that follows just close it down by saying you have various personal commitments before and after work - and no need to explain those away to anybody

"Bus wanker" 😂😂

If she moans about the bus, tell her the only way to overcome that is to learn how to drive.

hearts: I don't drive in the UK. I don't like driving. It makes me stressed. I'm bad at it. I'm a much happier person when I don't drive.

But I can drive. I choose not to. I'm originally from the US and have held a US licence since age 16 (leaner's since age 15.5). I moved the UK aged 33, after 17 years of driving. I was on track to get a UK licence until change in circumstances and resulting money issues meant I wasn't able to continue to take lessons (as only knew how to drive an automatic). I am considering just going for an automatic licence, but it's not a high priority, as I really don't like driving. These last years without driving have been such a lovely relief that my only desire for a licence would be for an emergency situation anyway.

I might as well ask someone who drives, who don't you take public transport if it's available? So much greener. So much less stress. But I understand that some people prefer to drive (my husband does). I hate it. Even back in the States when I moved to within 3 miles of work I walked in instead of driving, because it was so much nicer for me (and halfway there I even walked past the remote parking lot that had busses to take people in - I found that amusing, and convient as in bad weather I'd sometimes hop on the bus). I'm not 'hiding behind' anything. It's just a fact of my preference.

I might as well ask someone who drives, who don't you take public transport if it's available?
I do preferably. Except when ans where public transport takes 3 or more times longer than the car and I need to do things like drop off and collect children or do some shopping.
For normal commuting, public transport tends to work better than being stuck in traffic.

Roussette what about the cost of buying a car?? Your friends already had one so could teach their children but not everyone has that option.

I learned to drive at 35 as I didn't have the money to do so before that. Simple.

And Hearts you were taught by your father and in his car (presumably). How do you think people who don't have that option learn without any money (as you said you hadn't considered money)