WIBU (and a bit churlish) to refuse to pick this woman up?

[justnotaballetmum]

Pertinent facts are:

1. I'm at work this afternoon. The job involves driving but has a clear start point.

1. I'm working with someone else who doesn't drive, so she is in my car for the duration of the shift.

1. The woman lives close to me, but not 'that' close. 2 and a half miles away from me or eight minutes drive (according to googlemaps)

1. The start point is 7 miles away from me, and 7 miles from her.

1. There are buses every fifteen minutes.

Sigh. So, I got a text - 'would you be able to pick me up please'

On the one hand, the weather is not great and it isn't far and blah blah.

But it's about half an hour extra if I count driving to hers, picking her up, then back again. Plus, I wanted to set off earlier to nip in to the supermarket which is en route.

The really unreasonable part though is that I just don't like her she isn't horrible or anything but irritating - yaps and yaps and asks endless questions that aren't meant awkwardly but are, and she is very entitled with lifts (the asking rather than telling is new.)

So - unreasonable to reply that I can't/won't, or mean spirited?

Just tell her you'll be able to pick her up at X place and then drop her off there on the way back.

I'm all for giving lifts, but not regular ones that involve 16 minutes (or 30 min, whatever) round trips.

I used to work with a woman who just expected lifts all the time, even though it was out my way. She'd just rock up to me after work and follow me out to the car, a few times I took her home but eventually i'd be like "sorry i'm not going straight home" and she eventually gave up asking and bothered someone else.

She wasn't nasty at all but like that we just didn't get on and we'd spend the 40 minute drive each way either in total silence or having a bit of a disagreement, not pleasant!

Agree with everyone else - say no!

Sorry, just realised you don't want to give her a lift at all. :)
Just say you can't. No reason.
But I'd give her a lift occasionally.

I just don't want to get caught up in lies. Otherwise, the implication is that I can't pick her up, but the truth is that it is out of the way and inconvenient for me.

Then don't lie - just say "sorry, can't do it".

Perhaps get her one of those "So you're going to learn to drive" booklets and put it on her desk/in her bag/slap her on the head with it.

Problem is, I always gave her lifts. Always. And then once I genuinely couldn't - I had picked her up but asked if she could please make her own way back as I wanted to do some shopping in town, and she went on and on and made me feel so bad. So I vowed I'd never give her a lift again!

As above but without the sorry

Then don't lie you say "sorry, can't today". It doesn't matter why you can't.

Stick to your vow! Can't bare entitled people...

I dont get why this is so hard?

She asked you by text, you should reply by text and then not engage any further.

"Sorry, I cant - see you at work". If she replies, you are under NO obligation to reply again. You've said what you needed to. No lies involved.

And if she asks you at work why you never replied - just say you phone was on silent and you didnt see the message.

How hard can that be?

OP - Take charge of the situation. You have received excellent advice on here.

A simply "Sorry but I can't offer you a lift" is enough.

When she asks for a lift home another "sorry, I can't" is enough.

End of topic - you don't have to justify your choice.

It's not "hard", :) I've already sent the text and she has replied. I just feel a bit unpleasant, because if I am honest with myself it's not just the inconvenient aspect but because I don't really like her and want to minimise how much time I have to spend with her.

"Sorry, can't, you'll have to sort your own transport out" is the politest I would be

I agree with not lying, but also don't embellish either. Keep reply brief.

If you really don't want to lie at all then the option you leave yourself is something like "sorry but your place is 15 minutes out of my way. If you can make it to mine before I leave though, you can hop in but I suspect your bus stop is closer."

No op your are right, no excuses, no "I'm not coming from home", that just covers you today a d kicks the can down the road "No can do, xx town is a bit far out of my way i'm afraid, so I'll see you at work later "

I'd be really tempted to wind her up, given that she was rude when you couldn't give her a lift. I'd say that I was going shopping every single time she asked.

Well you've sent the text and you're not picking her up.

Dont give it another moments thought now

Well done on sending the message. I can totally sympathise with how your feeling and would find it hard too. It needed to be said though. Now you won't be dreading it all morning

I just feel a bit unpleasant, because if I am honest with myself and that is what she relies on. She has no issue with you feeling unpleasant, the more unpleasant you feel the more chance she has of getting what she wants. She won't feel unpleasant, no matter how much emotional blackmail she applies. For her it works... if you let it!

The text you sent was perfect. She can't argue with it. It was truthful and now you suffer with your 5minutes of feeling guilty then you continue without anymore hassle.
What did she reply? She'd have to be very thick skinned to continue asking but if she dies just repeat "sorry I've already told you it is too far out of my way." And if really pushed "it'll take you 15 minutes on the bus. It adds that much to my journey so sorry, no"

What did she reply, Justa?

Justnot.

I'm in exactly the same position as you. But unfortunately the company I work for make it part of the 2 person run. People hate it so much that when they get the job they don't tell them they drive so they only work solo runs.
It sucks though. Ask them for petrol money a fiver is better than a kick up the bum. Or ask to meet half way?