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AIBU?

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Original poster

To prioritise happiness over education?

185 replies

Vanillafox · 14/07/2016 20:00

My DD didn't get into our first choice primary school. It's an outstanding school, great technology, very sought after. Instead she was offered a place at the school where she goes to nursery. This school is OK. It's too religious for my liking (as an atheist) and has an average academic record, high percentage of SEN. She will be in a classroom shared with 59 other children! It's 5 mins from my door though so convenient. To cut a long story short, DD is super excited about starting there. Her best friend from nursery is going, she knows the teachers and the environment. She's had a trial day that she loved and her teacher did a home visit and seemed great. DD can't wait for Sept.

This morning we got a call from our first choice school offering DD a place. We only have 4 days to make up our minds. It's further away, she'll know no-one and is an unfamiliar environment. But as I mentioned, it's a far better school with far more opportunities.

My DH thinks it's a no-brainier and that her education should take priority. He says she'll get over leaving her friends quickly. I'm not so sure. I think she'll be heartbroken and may struggle to settle at the new school.

What would you do?!!! I'm completely 50/50 and would love to hear your views...

OP posts:
IthinkIamsinking · 14/07/2016 20:18

I am struggling to believe there are 59 in one class Confused
IME Ofsted gradings rarely give an accurate picture... they are a snapshot.
My two went to an outstanding school.... one excelled while the other hated it and had a really dire time... I was on the point of moving her.
I would go with the second school

2nds · 14/07/2016 20:18

Go for the preferred school, you might not get this opportunity again plus the preferred school might be a feeder school for a good secondary school.

The friends she has right now might not be the same friends that she has in a year or by the end of primary school anyway.

IWillTalkToYouLater · 14/07/2016 20:20

One of our local schools has a 60 intake, 2 teachers but totally open plan, and then they share an adjoining room and outside space with 30 nursery children. 90 children Shock It works, apparently, but settling in problems arent uncommon. Out of town (5min drive) for us!

Kennington · 14/07/2016 20:20

She is small. Go for education all the way. It is a no brainier.

PossiblyOverSensitive · 14/07/2016 20:21

It's a primary school with all due respect she will settle and adapt quickly education takes priority.

KindDogsTail · 14/07/2016 20:22

The better school, because she won't be happy in the long run if she misses out learning in these early crucial years, and she will make new friends at the other school in no time.

zzzzz · 14/07/2016 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nicknamehelp · 14/07/2016 20:30

At 4 she will soon make new friends. You only get one chance at education

DisneyMillie · 14/07/2016 20:31

Send her to the school you think Is better - she'll adapt fine. My dd loved her pre school but I found a "better" school and moved her. She was sad and apprehensive for a couple of days and then totally fine. They make friends instantly at that age.

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2016 20:33

Why do you think it's a better school?

nennyrainbow · 14/07/2016 20:34

It really depends on what would suit you and your DD best. Is she a quick learner and makes friends easily? The probably your first choice school would suit better. Or does she struggle to keep up with her peers and struggle with new unfamiliar situations in which case the school which caters better for SEN might be preferable. Ofsted doesn't tell the whole story although it's a useful guide.
Overall, since your original first choice was the more academic school, I would go with that if you're happy with the added journey time. Children adapt very quickly at this age.

TheRealAdaLovelace · 14/07/2016 20:34
  1. I do not believe for one minute that there are 59 in a class
  2. There is a lot to be said for going for the closest school, which she already knows.
Pearlman · 14/07/2016 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1468488303 · 14/07/2016 20:43

If there are really 59 in a class, which I doubt, then it isn;t even a question.

I'd change, unless it was far away.

titchy · 14/07/2016 20:43

In a few months she'll have completely forgotten about the current school! I'm with your dh.

titchy · 14/07/2016 20:44

60 in one open plan classroom with two qualified teachers is perfectly legitimate and not that rare...

titchy · 14/07/2016 20:45

Sorry posted too soon. The limit is 30 per class not per clsssROOM. One room can have two classes in.

Original poster
Vanillafox · 14/07/2016 20:47

Sorry - I was probably being dramatic in my explanation. It's exactly as Iwilltalktoyoulater has said, an open plan classroom with 30 to a class and an open door to the nursery next door so potentially 90 children.

nennyrainbow your post has split me even more! She's showing signs of being academic, can read to a 6 year old level and can write all of her letters but she is a little 'diva' who still has tantrums and clings to the friends that she knows!

OP posts:
nennyrainbow · 14/07/2016 20:48

When you say the more academic school is further away, how much further away? Are there likely to be children living near you going to that school? That is another factor to consider, because it's more difficult to meet friends outside of school hours if you're geographically isolated. It might not matter much now but in a few years time it will make a difference.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 14/07/2016 20:50

I would go for the better school.

Dd is in a classroom with 60 kids. It's two classes of 30 but they share the same large classroom. It seems to work well - took me a while to get my head round it though.

TheAntiBoop · 14/07/2016 20:52

If she had got in first time you wouldn't be having this wobble

caroldecker · 14/07/2016 21:04

If you care about her happiness send her to the better school - even if she is unhappy for a few weeks/months/years, that is nothing to a lifetime of regret if she achieves a worse job and income in the future, and is unable to get the job she would like.

Original poster
Vanillafox · 14/07/2016 21:05

It's less than a 10 minute drive so not far to see friends and we go to lots of community activities so she could still see her current friends outside of school.

I definitely wouldn't be having this wobble if she'd got in first time. But she's waking up each morning saying "how many more days until I start in X class?" all giddy with excitement. I'm such an over thinker, whichever decision I make I'll probably beat myself up over for the next 7 years Confused

OP posts:
DeadGood · 14/07/2016 21:09

I can understand why you'd hesitate to disappoint your daughter. That must be hard.

I guess that is one of the reasons that parenting is hard :( and I suspect that feeling of "I hate this but it's for your own good" will only keep happening as school years progress...

RiverTam · 14/07/2016 21:13

I saw a school with a shared free flow classroom with 60 kids, I really didn't like it. However, we also saw two outstanding schools. One really was and we liked it a lot, but the other we disliked immensely. I don't care how good it was, we wouldn't send DD there. Felt like an academic conveyor belt.

Have you seen round both schools? (You should have!) What was your feel for them?

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