To Want A Nanny

[TheyOnceSaid]

I was thinking about name changing for this but then I decided not to.

The question is AIBU for wanting to hire a nanny?

I had the discussion with DP and he is against the idea, he said he doesn't want a stranger coming into our house and looking after the children and that I should be grateful that I don't have to go to work.

I am sick and tired of being a SAHM before I had the children I used to really enjoy going to work, I am just tired of spending most of my time in the house, the only time I do get out is on the weekend.

I want a 9-5 job, what would you do if you were in my position?

TIA

I don't know, the African families I know (in Africa) tend to get any old
Person to look after their children and call her a nanny. Usually the gardeners wife or an old
Family friend (one who is poor, obviously)

Does he not like ethnically White/British people then? Does he think they can't be trusted to look after his children or be in his house?

Why would you even ask something like that? Why would you suggest that he is racist? The majority of nannies/child minders/au pairs in London are of a British European background maybe if she was from his background he would feel a lot more comfortable.

Dontyoulovecalpol DP was born in this country I would not want an older person looking after the children, I am going to touch upon the subject with him tonight and I shall let you know how it goes.

To summarise OP:

YANBU to want to go back to work and use childcare to enable you to do this.

YABU to insist on a nanny if there are other good childcare options which might work for your family, and you should discuss the options with your DH.

Your DH is definitely BU to threaten to leave you over this because in no healthy relationship does one partner threaten to leave the other to get their own way!

That's about it I think.

Isn't that what a nanny does? Child minders don't!

Neither nannies or childminders are "second mothers". I employed nannies for my son. They were not second mothers; as another poster said children don't need second mothers.

In my world now and decades ago women work full time and women as much as men find childcare including nannies. It would never be a woman's thing as we are feminists in this family.

This thread is very strange. The OP says she is 27, she has a degree and the eldest child is 6. So she must have been pregnant when she was 21. If she gave up work when the baby was born she can have almost no work experience.

I'm not getting any sense of what work the OP is hoping to get.

I know mothers sometimes say there is no point in working because they won't have much left after paying childcare. This overlooks the fact that some money going into the household kitty is better than none and , of course, the advantages to the mother of staying in the workforce.

OP says she wants a 9-5 job but unless her degree was in a subject in which there is a serious and pressing shortage I'm not sure what will be available to a 27 year old who basically has never worked which will break even when employing a full time nanny. So like others, whilst I personally think a nanny is the best option if you can afford it, I don't understand the fixation on a nanny.

Agree lass, all a little baffling tbh, odd thread.

Do you just want a nanny Op?

And perhaps some work/ free time to yourself as a secondary thing?

I don't see why you are saying this thread is strange? It's not strange is reality, I spoke to DP last night and now agrees with the idea, nanny can't be young but she has to come from an African background, Please how do I go about finding one?

This isn't real is it? What a weird thread. You're having us on but k can't work out why because it's all quite dull

Now I'm being accused of being dishonest, oh thanks for that.

Or, how about- put an ad on gumtree saying "nanny needed- African only"

If you really want to make sure you get the right one include the region or country you specifically want

You're welcome

Great to hear you've made progress. How about enquiring at a local church frequented by the part of the African community that is closest to your DP's background? Or does his own family have a social network?

Op - well you can't advertise for that, as its discrimination. No company can offer that, as its discrimination. For example 'nanny required, white British only' wouldn't go down very well, would it? I guess you would just have to go through the normal channels and keep interviewing.

You could look at www.childcare.co.uk/find/Nanny

You you can specify your postcode and then see nannies who are advertising, with their profile and usually a photo

This agency has a list of nannies and which country they come from.

Sorry, forgot the link!

www.imperialnannies.com/NannyAvailableStaffLondon.aspx

I've also heard of this company who have a lot of staff from Africa - I only know about them as a friend's family used them for care for an elderly parent, but on their website it says they also provide nannies.
www.universalaunts.co.uk/index.html

I've put out an add on gumtree so far

OP, can you please tell us what job you are hoping to get? What do you have experience in? Good luck with the nanny hunting.

You want a nanny who will be second mother to your children, and the way you go about it is to put an ad on Gumtree?
Good luck with that.

You can't advertise for a particular ethnicity/background on Gumtree! It's not legal to do so, as people of all races/ethnicities have to be able to apply.

This is indeed an odd thread.

We found our nanny on gumtree, and I know other people who have too. You still have to follow up references of course.
Good luck OP, I hope you find someone suitable, and also that you're able to find some work which interests you.

You really should sign up with an agency, OP, especially if your DH is nervous about people coming into his home. You will be able to make your preferences known to the agency and (while they may not be able to honour all of them) you will at least know that the person coming into your home is a professional with real references and checks. I've done gumtree and you have to trawl through people who shouldn't be working with children etc. - if money if not a problem, you should leave that to an agency if you're inexperienced at this.