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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry at teacher who refuses DS water on long coach journey???

467 replies

Gizzle · 13/07/2016 21:16

DS came home very subdued and downcast after the annual school day trip to the seaside today. Turns out that he left his bag on the beach (not unusual, he's an 8yo boy after all) but luckily it was retrieved by a teacher. However, when he asked politely for the bag, she refused to give it to him for the entire duration of the return coach journey, even though it contained his water bottle and he was clearly very thirsty after a day on the beach. I'm not sure what kind of lesson she was hoping to teach him, but I would have thought that children of this age should be helped towards independence, and not punished into it. And refusing a thirsty child water? Is there ever a case for that?

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 17/07/2016 15:23

limited - if she had found out that her DS was totally in the right here, as opposed to stretching the truth/making things up entirely, then why would she have come back on to insist that "some things are private"? She made the whole thing very public in the first place.

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 15:33

Whether you think it was made up or not EvilTwins what's the harm in giving someone a drink of water? It's not like you're giving him a supersoaker to run amok with.

OurBlanche · 17/07/2016 15:50

There's nothing wrong with giving someone a drink... that's not the point at issue, is it?

As I read it, and responded, neither we nor the OP know whether that is the whole truth or not and that a quick chat with the teacher concerned would let OP know if her son was economical with the truth or the teacher was, indeed, a sadistic bitch!

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 16:11

But we can never know what the truth is on here. As it stands, the boy was asking for a drink of water from the bottle in his bag and the teacher refused to give it.

There might have been sensible reasons for that - though I can't see what they would be - instead people have posited all kinds of scenarios.

The best one is the idea that he should be taught a lesson for being so forgetful. I've just come back from the supermarket and my husband remarked that I'd forgotten the milk. Thankfully he's not going to punish me and we'll have our coffee black.

OurBlanche · 17/07/2016 16:19

Jacques There does seem to be a feeling that teachers have SUCH a hard time they shouldn't be questioned and I don't think there is ever a profession that shouldn't happen I am a teacher and, like others who are, I suggested way up thread, that OP needed to go and talk to the teacher...

Limited I agree with much of what you say, other than that the free access you experience as an adult should be given to all children. Not because I am sadistic bitch but because:

a) kids do use the loo, water, etc as an excuse. DSis teaches Reception I taught 16 - 19 year olds... the disengaged/disaffected at both ends use the same tactics -- obviously DSis and I dealt with them very differently

b) there really are jobs that cannot allow free access and I have an issue with mapping one single adult experience onto all children/teacher experiences...

It is highly likely that the teacher in question was knackered and a bit short with OPs son... it is also likely that the version OP currently has is not quite what happened.

There really isn't much more to say, is there? She types... into page 17.... Smile

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/07/2016 16:25

Limited
In your opinion it is the best one, but most of them are equally likely.

EvilTwins · 17/07/2016 17:06

The point is not the water, limited, though frankly I think anyone can manage a couple of hours without a drink, and maintain that the current obsession with constantly needing to be sipping is utterly ridiculous.

The point is that we don't know if the 8 yr old's version of events is true. At all. And given that the OP has decided it is "private", we will never know.

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 18:44

Why does it matter to you so much whether he was telling the truth or not? The boy should have been given the water because he might have been thirsty. He wouldn't die of thirst in two hours but being thirsty is not a nice feeling and I'd prefer not to suffer it or inflict it on someone else.

If he didn't really want it then she had done what he'd asked and made sure he was safe and comfortable and that would be the end of things.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 17/07/2016 18:47

He's 8 - my son is a similar age. He's a sweet gentle caring boy but pretty absent minded. If he left his bag behind it would be because he was distracted. Not evil or naughty.

For a teacher to punish your son like this breaks my heart - I wish I didn't know about it. It was a very simple mistake - how many of us as adults forget things from time to time??

You are most definitely NOT being unreasonable and I'd be beyond furious to think of him asking and his upset at bring refused.

I add that I'm a pretty strict parent - but I'd be murderous over this.

smallfox2002 · 17/07/2016 18:56

You'd be a loony, the OP hasn't asked the teacher and only got one side of it.

Perfectly legitimate to be cross if the teacher has genuinely mistreated the child, its highly unlikely, but get the full story before jumping to conclusions.

EvilTwins · 17/07/2016 19:28

Why does it matter to you so much whether he was telling the truth or not? The boy should have been given the water because he might have been thirsty.

Um... Because that is the whole point of the thread! OP was angry with teacher who refused to give the child the water but we only have the child's word that the teacher did refuse. Or indeed that he asked.

budgiegirl · 17/07/2016 19:31

I add that I'm a pretty strict parent - but I'd be murderous over this

Even before you'd got the whole story? Don't forget, the OP has only got one side of the story so far ( or so she says).

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 19:35

I agree we always get the full story smallfox but lots of people have jumped to the conclusion that the boy was lying, or playing the teacher up or needed to be taught a lesson about being forgetful and disorganised.

That's not necessary. Just offer a drink of water and you've fulfilled your obligations. What's the problem?

smallfox2002 · 17/07/2016 19:39

There isn't a problem, people have made some loony assumptions on here, both accusing the teacher of violating human rights or doing it as a power play, or the boy of lying.

In reality this is a minor issue, and the teacher probably didn't withhold a drink out of spite.

The full story has not been got by the OP and probably won't now, yet she was angry, other people are saying that they would be "murderous".

All of this is totally unreasonable and frankly fucking ridiculous.

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 19:42

EvilTwins she said her child asked and was refused. Why would he not be telling the truth? Not all children lie and not all adults tell the truth.

Some people on this thread have said they'd refuse his request to teach him a lesson about being forgetful or bothersome. His teacher might be one of those people.

I hope not because that would be horrible, wouldn't it? Would you do that?

EvilTwins · 17/07/2016 19:44

She said/he said... That's the point though isn't it? None of us know what happened.

What I would do is irrelevant. I don't know the full story, and neither do you. At least I accept that.

smallfox2002 · 17/07/2016 19:45

Why might he not be telling the truth? Because he's an 8 year old boy and even if he gave as accurate a reading of events as he saw it he may have misunderstood something along the way.

What some people on here have said doesn't constitute what actually happened, and all of the reasoned responses have said: "ask the teacher", a lot more of the loony ones have talked about being livid etc.

bungleknows · 17/07/2016 19:46

We don't allow water as the children will be asking for the loo all the way home.

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 19:47

smallfox2002 I'm trying to ignore the people who've made 'loony' assumptions on both side. We don't know the motives of the child or the teacher.

It's simple. Would you give water to a person who said they were thirsty or not?

budgiegirl · 17/07/2016 19:50

Would you give water to a person who said they were thirsty or not?

Depends on the situation, doesn't it? There might be a perfectly good reason why the teacher may not let the child have water. We don't know because we weren't there, and neither was the OP.

smallfox2002 · 17/07/2016 19:51

The fact is that we don't if it was as simple as "could he have water", which is why you have to ask the teacher what the score was. But then your trying to over simplify it so you can paint the teacher as BU.

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 19:59

We don't allow water as the children will be asking for the loo all the way home.

Are you in charge of vulnerable people bungleknows? Like the young, the elderly: people who can't speak up for themselves or might not be believed if they did?

At the risk of being accused of being a loony, I'm worried by people with a duty of care who say things like that.

smallfox2002 · 17/07/2016 20:03

I worry about people who have managed to get so hot and bothered about such a trivial issue, oh and those who then start the slippery slope arguments like you have limited? Ridiculous.

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 20:04

Depends on the situation, doesn't it?

Yes it does. But I guess this was a coach travelling at normal speed in normal road conditions and presumably one of those water bottles with a drinkable nozzle, like most of them have.

So why not give the person a drink of water?

limitedperiodonly · 17/07/2016 20:09

smallfox2002 I'm not assuming anything about the child or the teacher. Either or both could be unreasonable.

I'm asking whether you would give a person who said they were thirsty a drink of water.