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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry at teacher who refuses DS water on long coach journey???

467 replies

Gizzle · 13/07/2016 21:16

DS came home very subdued and downcast after the annual school day trip to the seaside today. Turns out that he left his bag on the beach (not unusual, he's an 8yo boy after all) but luckily it was retrieved by a teacher. However, when he asked politely for the bag, she refused to give it to him for the entire duration of the return coach journey, even though it contained his water bottle and he was clearly very thirsty after a day on the beach. I'm not sure what kind of lesson she was hoping to teach him, but I would have thought that children of this age should be helped towards independence, and not punished into it. And refusing a thirsty child water? Is there ever a case for that?

OP posts:
CatNip2 · 13/07/2016 22:17

He is ok and well, has his bag and might think about the consequences next time. I don't know if this is typical of the current time or whether this is just MN land but if it were mine I would have just said "tough luck son only yourself to blame",

But then I have never pampered to mine and tend, irrespective of what tales they have tried to tell me about teachers at school, to get them to accept the situation and move on and learn from it. Trust me, in a total of 21 years of school they have claimed numerous injustices against them by teachers!

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 22:17

Teachers have a bloody duty of care and it was her job for the day to make sure she brought back the correct amount of children and their belongings. She hardly did him a favour. He's year 3 not year 11.

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 22:19

And they are probably telling the truth CatNip!

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 22:19

I'm sure that when I was at school I managed to go 2 hours without a drink. This whole obsession with kids needing to be able to access water constantly is nonsense. No child is going to die of thirst on a 2 hour coach journey.

YABU.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 22:19

Serious question, if he'd left his coat behind, would it have been acceptable to say 'tough luck, freeze'?

I do understand the points: there's a massive difference between 'please may I have my bag Mrs Jones?' 'Oh - yes - ok - just a moment, Adam -' and ''no, Adam, you are NOT having that bag because you are to learn a lesson about water!' I imagine it's more likely to be the former, but a friendly chat should iron that out.

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 22:21

Teachers have a bloody duty of care and it was her job for the day to make sure she brought back the correct amount of children and their belongings.

Correct number of children, yes. Belongings are a different matter. Teachers do not have a "bloody duty of care" to rucksacks.

Original poster
Gizzle · 13/07/2016 22:22

You amaze me, GoblinLittleOwl… I have not said that I am going to 'upbraid' anyone. I am questioning whether it is appropriate to withhold water from a small child who has spent a large part of the day on the beach, whilst on a long coach journey. Yes, I am grateful his bag was not lost; but equally, I am concerned that a teacher, responsible for his safety, felt it was appropriate to punish him by denying him access to water. Even if his bag had been left on the beach and his water bottle along with it, I would have thought that a group of responsible adults on a long coach journey with kids would have had some kind of duty of care to ensure that the kids were hydrated. And I've never come across a coach company that bans onboard water, but I will certainly check that before I consider an upbraiding.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 13/07/2016 22:23

KateMiddletonsnudeheels where does it say he was denied access to water to "learn a lesson about water!"?
Confused

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 22:26

To learn a lesson about responsibility, that should have said :)

I don't think having a scratchy raw throat teaches you much about responsibility!

Original poster
Gizzle · 13/07/2016 22:35

Thank you fluffypenguinbelly - bottom line, I agree that she was just being spiteful; and that's what he has learnt from this. Not to be less forgetful or more responsible, but that some people are just mean, and exploit there power for the sake of it. And what I have learnt is that I should trust my own judgement as a mother and a decent human being (which tells me that denying a child access to water can never right) and not look for validation from others on Mumsnet or elsewhere. Thanks.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 22:40

You go for it, then OP - complain. Just remember that trips are not part of a teacher's job. Most of us do them, and often it takes us away from our own families and involves working later/earlier than normal. At this end of term, especially, when the kids are tired and tetchy, and the teachers are tired but are keeping on going.

Your DS was not going to die from not having a drink for a couple of hours, and if he really was that thirsty, could he not ask a friend for a swig of their water? I don't think that the teacher was being spiteful or trying to assert her power - why bother to be a teacher at all if that's how your brain works?

Floggingmolly · 13/07/2016 22:42

Did he ask for his bag, or did he specifically ask for his water bottle?

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 22:42

Well as a teacher I would say it's common sense to do a sweep of the beach to check for lost belongings. What's she going to do, see a bag on a beach and think, 'ah fuck it, it's not mine,' and walk off?

Not giving it back is just spiteful behaviour. Some children I have taught would have found it incredibly stressful to have an adult withhold their belongs. Smacks of a power trip to me.

I leave stuff places sometimes. I'm sure we all do. It's hardly the crime of the century. Plus, if a child has explicitly asked for a drink of water, regardless of your opinion of whether two hours is a long time or not, you give them a drink of water. Especially when you have THEIR WATER. I hope the bag was by her feet and made her sit uncomfortably for two hours.

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 22:44

Eviltwins- as a teacher you're telling me you have never met a teacher who likes a power trip? I have met a fair few in my time.

OurBlanche · 13/07/2016 22:44

So...And what I have learnt is that I should trust my own judgement as a mother and a decent human being just means you have decided to judge the teacher in much the same way as the poster you are condemning...

You have no idea if the teacher "was being spiteful". She too could be a decent human being who has a completely different version of events.

If you need 'validation' AIBU probably isn't the right place to look for it.

Just talk to the woman, don't get so bloody angry that you make up all sorts of 'power tripping bitch' stories. After all the only people you are hurting are your DS, who will have learned that this is such a big deal his mum has freaked, and you, who are now so angry you think the teacher and many MNers are spiteful, Mean Girls!

Some of us are just urging caution... 8 year olds can be very imaginative, as well as forgetful!

Mosschopz · 13/07/2016 22:45

FFS why have you not asked the teacher for their side? There is so much 'teachers love a power trip' bollocks on this thread.

EvilTwins · 13/07/2016 22:48

fluffy. No. Not in 19 years of teaching. I think it's mostly a MN myth.

smallfox2002 · 13/07/2016 22:49

I agree with the poster who said that kids don't need water all the time, two hours on a coach journey and you aren't going to expire from dehydration.

You'll probably find OP that there are a few things your child hasn't included in the story.

fluffypenguinbelly · 13/07/2016 22:51

I haven't said OP should go in and have a go at the teacher BTW. I find it really strange on mumsnet how teachers are defended about everything they do. There is no way that other teachers haven't seen this type of behaviour from their colleagues at least once in their career.

On these threads I always tell people to go and have calm conversation to establish the facts first.

kateyjane · 13/07/2016 22:51

Every coach company we use for trips has a no food/drinks policy. As you can imagine - spills, breakages, inappropriate bottles etc x 60 can be a nightmare. If it's a long trip (over 2.5 hours) we would have one stop.

I don't like the teacher's comment - no need to ever humiliate a child - but lack of water on a 2 hour coach trip is not an issue.

shazzarooney999 · 13/07/2016 22:52

Usually on school trips children are not allowed to eat or drink on the coach, the teacher retreived his bag, he couldnt have a drink he probably had one at the beach and you will probably find none of the children were allowed drink or food on the coach.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 22:53

I have certainly been taught by and met many a teacher on a power trip!

Of course, the majority are decent people, as are the majority of people, but assuming that a large percentage of people would never do XYZ because they hold a particular qualification is not only unwise but under some circumstances dangerous.

TheHiphopopotamus · 13/07/2016 22:54

So what happened when he wasn't allowed to 'access water' for two whole hours? Nothing, I'm guessing, apart from being a bit thirsty.

I'm another one who doesn't get the current obsession with swigging water every five seconds. What a fuss about nowt.

GinIsIn · 13/07/2016 22:54

FFS, can we please not harp on about things like 'your forgetful kid having to wait a bit for a drink' in terms of human rights? It's not exactly up there with 'freedom from slavery', is it? Hmm

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 13/07/2016 22:55

It's nowhere near slavery Fenella but it's not a minor issue either. Two hours is a long time on a stuffy coach without a drink.