Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not a bad parent because my child hasn't learnt to swim?

418 replies

purplefan5 · 13/07/2016 14:48

DS is 7, he doesn't know how to swim and he is still in armbands, is this really so bad? I seem to get the worst looks when we go swimming, etc.

Is it really that bad? He doesn't want to do swimming lessons.. Are you supposed to force them?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 13/07/2016 20:10

Economics make a massive difference unfortunately moving.

I teach y3 in two very different towns. In the affluent town, every single y3 child starts the year being able to swim at least 25m unaided. Some are already able to do butterfly and tumble turns. In the much less affluent town, a good 80% have not only never had lessons, but a lot of them have never been in a pool before.

Togaparties · 13/07/2016 20:11

Natalia I view it as an important life skill mainly from a safety perspective. It doesn't mean that I'm going to be any less careful of her around water but of course she's not always with me. As she gets older and gets more independent it means I'll worry less about her falling into a friend's pond or swimming pool for example. I'm not saying that everyone should automatically take their babies to swimming lessons just that if you can, then you should give it serious thought. Additionally it's the highlight of my week, I love being with her in the pool.

Mov1ngOn · 13/07/2016 20:18

Arethere. It shows how much our assumptions are influenced by area
I can't imagine a school where all kids my daughters age can swim! Mine (and quite a few others) can but we're painfully aware we don't "fit" in our area. Already I'm absorbing local assumptions.

Mov1ngOn · 13/07/2016 20:20

Every now and then I worry about the difference in schooling/education we'd get in a more affluent area. Presumably things such as learning an instrument being usual etc too.

To the op - this so shows the response you get will depend on whether the response is from someone living in an affluent area or not! It really wouldn't be unusual not to swim at 7 here although I would like mime to swim by then if I can manage it.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 13/07/2016 20:24

I think because your DS has a fear, it probably is important to find the right swimming teacher who can take it at his own pace. What you don't want is your DS to not enjoy activities because he has a fear of drowning (which is different I think to people who don't swim but are happy in the water).

I'd really look around for a private swimming teacher and take it really slow. I'm presuming he can't wear arm bands forever as he must reach a size eventually where they don't fit.

DD had a great first swimming teacher, he gets in the pool so he's right next to the children who need that reassurance.

No judgment here though, DD is nearly 7 and still has stabilisers on her bike.

NataliaOsipova · 13/07/2016 20:24

Togaparties Fair enough - I'm on the same page, actually (want my children to be able to swim in case of emergency and have taken them until they've achieved a basic level) - just mine don't really like it!

TopiaryBun · 13/07/2016 20:29

As she gets older and gets more independent it means I'll worry less about her falling into a friend's pond or swimming pool for example.

That quite neatly sums up another aspect of the economic differences in the age at which children learn to swim, if ever. The risk of falling into a friend's pond or pool is really not a realistic problem for quite a lot of the population.

I grew up by the harbour of a small, poor fishing village. The sea (which was dangerous) was for work, not leisure, unless you were a tourist. None of the fishermen could swim, and we never learned as children, because the sea locally was too dangerous, it wasn't taught at school, and no one had the cash to send kids on the bus to the nearest town pool for lessons in a skill no one thought of as 'essential'. Plus the idea of going into the sea for pleasure would have been considered a weird one, and the only people we ever saw swimming were occasional visitors from the city.

Also, despite us being hardy, outdoor, semi-feral kids, no peer pressure as no one could do something that was considered a middle-class frill like piano lessons.

Namechangenurseryconcerns · 13/07/2016 20:43

It's far from too late to start. My dd is 7 and six months ago could barely swim one stroke. After 2 terms of lessons she's developed into a beautiful little swimmer

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/07/2016 20:53

Kids will never learn as long as they've got armbands on. Can you swim yourself? I don't mean brilliantly, just well enough to do a length of the pool. If so, just take the armbands off and stay right by him in the shallow end and encourage him, maybe holding him lightly under his tummy if he's nervous. It's not necessary to have lessons to learn at all, though obviously useful later for learning proper strokes.
I learned without any lessons as a kid, just a very occasional trip to the pool - we didn't do swimming at school until senior level. I was about 6 when I first managed a width with no feet on the bottom.

TrappedNerve · 13/07/2016 20:59

My dd is in reception and taught herself to swim last year purely because we go swimming so often and she loves the water.
What worries me is her complete lack of fear and will happily jump in the deep end and try and dive.

I certainly wouldn't judge any child regardless of age whether or not they could swim.
My dd was late at toilet training and I find that children learn and develop at different ages and stages.

isittimeforcoffee · 13/07/2016 21:04

I'm 32 and can barely swim so not in the best position to teach my kids (eldest is 5). Hubby has hyper sensitive skin so can;t go in chlorinated water. We can;t afford swimming lessons so it's one thing we are going to have to hope he will pick up quickly in school swimming lessons!

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 13/07/2016 21:09

he has to learn to swim.
non-negotiable.
you're the boss, so sort him out.

JustDanceAddict · 13/07/2016 21:11

My kids had no choice & did lessons from around 4.

Pominoz1 · 13/07/2016 21:13

I am 50 years old and can't swim. I am really hysterical if I go out of my depth and cannot get over this fear. It has meant that I have missed out on loads of holiday fun with our kids when they were younger. I insisted all 3 of my kids learn to swim, it was non negotiable. It may one day save their life and they had to learn. The eldest wasn't keen, the middle one ok and the youngest loved it. They never swam competitively, or class it as fun but at least they can swim in the ocean, have fun in a pool and swim to safety if they fall into water.

bumsexatthebingo · 13/07/2016 21:19

My youngest dc's swimming teacher had the attitude of your the boss, swimming is non negotiable etc and turned a child who was slightly nervous in.the water into one who was absolutely petrified. Luckily I have been able to get him to regain his confidence going with me and he is now starting to swim unaided and go underwater. For some kids forcing them doesn't help. The op is taking her child swimming. All she likely needs is a few tips re helping her ds gain confidence In the water. Not sure why she's getting a hard time off some posters? One of which basically said they hope her son doesn't drown before he learns to swim. Lovely.

IonaNE · 13/07/2016 21:19

My mother taught all three of her children to swim when we were 3-4 years old. We all swam in free water (a river more than 10 ft deep) by the age of 5. Parents should teach their children, it's a life skill.

To the poster who said "isn't it true that the best sailors can't swim?" - they didn't use to teach sailors to swim so if the ship sank or they fell overboard, they would die more quickly and suffer less. I don't think you'd want this for your children.

GrandMarmoset · 13/07/2016 21:20

He'll never learn wearing armbands.

Togaparties · 13/07/2016 21:25

Interestingly one of the only adults I know who can't swim has a rather nice indoor pool. Funny old world!

Heidi42 · 13/07/2016 21:26

He will do it when he is ready

MeredithShepherd · 13/07/2016 21:28

My 2.5 year old DS can swim 5m unaided underwater. It's an essential life skill especially as my parents have a pond in their garden. It's not an option here. It could save his life.

LockedOutOfMN · 13/07/2016 21:30

I would make him swim as it's an essential life skill. If he doesn't like his current swimming lessons, can you find him a different teacher or pool?

Donna6512 · 13/07/2016 21:31

I was never taught to swim, I'm 25. I started lessons last year while pregnant and stopped in December as I was struggling, was due February, as I wanted to be able to swim so I can take my Baby swimming. She loves it, I take her once or twice a week at the moment.

Memoires · 13/07/2016 21:41

In our area school swimming lessons don't start until Y4, by which time most of the children already can, and some are very good indeed - doing tricks underwater, diving etc. We do live quite close to the coast though so days out to the seaside are standard, winter and summer. They get a lot of practise, but it's also essential.

I wouldn't worry about his armbands, though taking them off will help him far more than having them on. Keep to the shallow end and he'll be fine.

squizita · 13/07/2016 21:41

Mystified by the PP who think swimming is only needed by a certain small minority to stay safe.
Example ... my area (bog standard london) is criss crossed with canals and streams. People DO fall in walking along them (eg a bike accident or knocked in by a dog etc).

This idea it's only for certain (I presume nautical) types is a bit naive tbh.

You also don't need 1km to stay safe. I would say 50 m and know what it feels like to swim in clothes.

The other advantage is it's an all year round form of exercise, facilitates other sports etc.

PoohBearsHole · 13/07/2016 21:42

my parents have pool, I think for my children it's an essential life skill to make it safer for them if they are with my elderly parents, BUT not everyone needs to be able to swim at 7. it's taken a year of swimming for my DS to get in the shower :) as he was terrified.

I wouldn't give up on swimming, your DC will do it when he gets confidence. if you can afford a couple of one to one lessons and believe it to be worth it (I did after a scare in the pool with one of my DC) then go for it, otherwise let them be comfortable and they will get there in there own.