Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DH to go to A&E?

251 replies

Brokenbiscuit · 11/07/2016 23:39

DH has had weird nervy pains in one side of his head for the last 3-4 days. Today, the pain was quite severe so he decided to go to the local walk-in centre this evening.

They saw him and advised him to go to A&E in our nearest city (around 15 miles from home). The triage report that the nurse gave him to give to A&E said "urgent" and mentioned red flags. It also said "seriously ill but stable".

DH does not drive and the nurse told him he shouldn't in any case. I can't take him to A&E because dd is in bed and we don't have anyone who could babysit tonight. DH would either have to take a taxi or ask a friend.

He doesn't want to go, "because it's late" and he says he'll go tomorrow. He probably doesn't want to put anyone out this late, and he would hate "wasting" money on a taxi. He is also telling me that the pain is better, but not sure if I believe him.

AIBU to think he should take a taxi and go tonight, as advised by the nurse? Or is it reasonable for him to decide that he feels well enough to wait until the morning? He tells me that he knows his own body and he is ok, but then, what were those "red flags" all about?

I can't force him to go, can I? Sad

OP posts:
Poptart27 · 12/07/2016 08:47

Is everything alright biscuit?

You did the right thing.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 12/07/2016 08:49

Glad you got him to go!

DP had a collapsed lung a few years ago. He waited for a week to go to dr despite me nagging. Eventually went when I told him not to come home if he didn't go. He went, ended up in hospital where the nurses told him he was an idiot, was putting strain on the other lung and could have died had he not have had treatment.
DP looked well, could breath fine (just felt like heart burn apparently). Things could have turned out different for him.

I would rather him moan for years on end than visit a grave.

Hope he is ok and your DD is getting better. Hope you have someone you can call on today?

Roastednutflash · 12/07/2016 08:51

Men are terrible for this...major fuss about a tiny cold but as soon as something big comes up they're all blasé. Flowers for both of you, hope all is ok.

MrFMercury · 12/07/2016 08:53

If the professionals thought he needed A&E then that's that. He probably was scared and took it out on you but hopefully wether he's ill or not he won't keep having a go at you x

SpaceDinosaur · 12/07/2016 08:55

Lord. This is my stupid DH too.
Cold = the end of the world
Broken shoulder? "It's just a pulled muscle"
Me: "no, pretty sure that you're supposed to be symmetrical"
Him: "it'll be ok"
Me: "we're going to a&e. If it's just a pulled muscle then you get bragging rights for a year and steak this evening but if it's broken or dislocated then you must submit to my superiority and stop being an arse"

I really really hope your DH is ok OP.

icklekid · 12/07/2016 08:58

Hope your dh is ok biscuits and your dd for that matter

Herschellmum · 12/07/2016 09:15

Hope all is ok?

OrangesAreTheOnlyFruit · 12/07/2016 09:17

I hope your DH is ok OP. x

mishmash1979 · 12/07/2016 09:20

Hope ok. X

pointlessperson · 12/07/2016 09:23

Glad he went hope all is ok Flowers

LunaLoveg00d · 12/07/2016 09:30

Why are men like this?? Mine had a serious attack of gallstones six months ago and was doubled over in agony. I know how bad the pain can be as I've had my gallbladder out after several attacks. He refused to even call NHS 111 for advice for hours, wouldn't take paracetamol and when I finally got him on the phone to NHS 111 he described the pain as a "4 out of 10" when he was practically rolling around on the floor.

Does my head in. Hope OP's husband is doing well this morning.

WeAreTheOthers · 12/07/2016 09:50

Hope all is well and you, DH and DD are safely home FlowersChocolate

Wyldfyre · 12/07/2016 10:01

My DH did this. Doubled up in pain one night he eventually caved and called NHS 24, who sent out an on-call doctor.
Pain had stopped by the time she arrived two hours later. She looked him over and advised him to go to his GP.
Well he's still registered at the GP at his parents (not lived there for ten years) and didn't go.
Three months later he had a second attack, worse than the first, so we took him straight to A&E. Turns out he had a kidney stone - the first attack was it going in and the second was cause by a massive infection.
He spent a fortnight in hospital and could have lost the kidney.

WeAreTheOthers · 12/07/2016 10:04

Also, the men in my life are just as bad.DH goes mad over a cold and then has to be pestered to go to A&E for chest pains, DS1 needed to be practically frogmarched to the doctor because his fingers went numb, DS2 would apparently have to be slumped against a wall before admitting maybe his asthma's bad and he forgot his inhaler at work (for which his GF gives him a bollocking to this day) and DS3 actually mentions injuries occasionally (pretty hard not to when you're walking around in an ankle support) but failed to inform anyone when he sprained his wrist. Twice.

Ifailed · 12/07/2016 10:11

Why are men like this??
Probably because they've been bought up in a culture that tells them its weak to complain about pain, it's not 'manly'. The same culture that tells women they are inferior, their views don't count and their work is unimportant. Doesn't look good for either sex really, but I think we al know which one gets the worse deal.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 12/07/2016 10:12

I'm terrible at doing this and thinking I'm making the right decision Blush

The last time I'd smashed my wrist up. Couldn't get to the walk in for two days, and it had bruised like a peach. They gave me painkillers and sent me to A&E but I couldn't get there and went home, I figured they'd send me direct if they thought I needed to go. Six hours later and I begged a neighbour to take me, the pain was unbelievable. They'd been waiting for me, too.

The only time they've called an ambulance from the walk in is when I was on oxygen.

I hope he's okay!

Redorwhitejusthaveboth · 12/07/2016 10:47

Hope it was an uneventful trip - and I'm surprised the walk in centre didn't call an ambulance too.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/07/2016 13:34

Hope all is ok.

Medically, but also that your DH isnt gripeing on if the walk in centre was being annoying and there's nothing wrong!

frankie001 · 12/07/2016 13:40

Hoping all is ok x

APlaceOnTheCouch · 12/07/2016 13:43

Ambulances can take hours to come. We waited 8 hours for an 'emergency ambulance' transfer between hospitals just a few weeks ago. The receiving hospital eventually phoned to ask what the hell had happened to their patient.

If OP's DH said he had access to his own transport with driver (ie his DW or a taxi) then the walk-in centre would have made their decision based on how quickly he could get himself to A&E compared to how long he would have to wait for an ambulance.

Biscuits I hope you've had some news by now.

Toooldtobearsed · 12/07/2016 13:47

Was expecting to see you post that a frying pan to the head had been threatened, but concerned now that there has been no update.

Hopefully, you just have a life Grin

But hope all is okay!

FellOutOfBed2wice · 12/07/2016 13:53

Hope he's okay OP

BastardGoDarkly · 12/07/2016 14:05

Yeah, I'm a bit concerned there's no update. Hope you're both OK Biscuit

countingdown · 12/07/2016 14:09

Hope he is ok.

flanjabelle · 12/07/2016 14:13

Hope he is ok op. I think you did the right thing. My dp is like this and it causes me no end of worries.