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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DH to go to A&E?

251 replies

Brokenbiscuit · 11/07/2016 23:39

DH has had weird nervy pains in one side of his head for the last 3-4 days. Today, the pain was quite severe so he decided to go to the local walk-in centre this evening.

They saw him and advised him to go to A&E in our nearest city (around 15 miles from home). The triage report that the nurse gave him to give to A&E said "urgent" and mentioned red flags. It also said "seriously ill but stable".

DH does not drive and the nurse told him he shouldn't in any case. I can't take him to A&E because dd is in bed and we don't have anyone who could babysit tonight. DH would either have to take a taxi or ask a friend.

He doesn't want to go, "because it's late" and he says he'll go tomorrow. He probably doesn't want to put anyone out this late, and he would hate "wasting" money on a taxi. He is also telling me that the pain is better, but not sure if I believe him.

AIBU to think he should take a taxi and go tonight, as advised by the nurse? Or is it reasonable for him to decide that he feels well enough to wait until the morning? He tells me that he knows his own body and he is ok, but then, what were those "red flags" all about?

I can't force him to go, can I? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Brokenbiscuit · 11/07/2016 23:55

I'm not worried about dd being grumpy, but she really isn't well - I took her to the GP earlier because I was worried about her. I really don't feel it would be fair to drag her out now, and I think DH would refuse to go if it meant disturbing her.

I'll call a taxi, and hope I can persuade him to get in it when it arrives. He is mad with me for not listening to him and for treating him like a child. But he is behaving like one...

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 11/07/2016 23:56

I would call a cab . If your local A&E is anything like ours is tonight he might be there a while. They will probably do bloods and maybe a CT. Monday nights are hellish !

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 11/07/2016 23:56

He's seriously ill but he doesn't want to waste money on a taxi and you don't want to wake your DC... You're both being very lax about this!

Wake DC, go with him. DC will survive, he'll get checked out and have some moral support.

He was described as seriously ill. He may be stable now but there's no guarantee that he'll stay that way.

lalalalyra · 11/07/2016 23:59

Put your DD in the car and take him. She can sleep later/tomorrow. You'll never forgive yourself if anything goes wrong overnight.

The fact he was in enough pain/worry to go to the walk-in centre says a lot if he's a 'don't want to bother the doctors' type.

shopaholic999 · 11/07/2016 23:59

The triage nurse didn't arrange an ambulance to a&e?? Surely they should have sorted that out!!

Anyway..def get him to a&e..!! I'm also a nurse!!

newtscamander · 11/07/2016 23:59

He's an adult. If he won't go he won't go. It's not up to you to organise taxis for him to go, he should be doing it himself. Leave it and just worry about you and your dd if he's going to be this childish.

Original poster
Brokenbiscuit · 12/07/2016 00:00

He's seriously ill but he doesn't want to waste money on a taxi and you don't want to wake your DC... You're both being very lax about this!

The problem is, he doesn't seem seriously ill and he insists that he isn't. I've called a taxi. I hope he will get in it.

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 12/07/2016 00:02

Hopefully he isn't seriously ill. It drives me mad when people seek
Medical advice and then refuse to take it !

shopaholic999 · 12/07/2016 00:03

Don't be fooled about him not looking seriously ill..anything could be going on!

He's got nothing to loose by going, well maybe a few hours but nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Still don't understand why he wasn't transferred there by the walk in centre if they were that concerned!

Glovebug · 12/07/2016 00:07

With a report like that I would have pulled DD out of bed and driven him there straight away. Hopefully he'll get in the taxi when it arrives.

strongswans · 12/07/2016 00:12

Just get DD out of bed and take him, with that report he needs to go. DH might not look ill, not everyone does, my family and I thought I had flu and needed rehydration, in actual fact I was told I would have died from de thing much mor severe if it would have been left 2 more hours. Listen to the professionals!

strongswans · 12/07/2016 00:13

Sorry that would be something much more .....

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 12/07/2016 00:13

ffs go

Redglitter · 12/07/2016 00:15

So despite the report the hospital have given him highlighting red flags and seriously ill health doesn't think this is important.

Either wake your daughter and take him to A&E or phone an ambulance. Neither of you have any idea what's going on in his head making him ill it's not worth the risk waiting til morning.

WinnieFosterTether · 12/07/2016 00:22

Go with him. You are minimising this -maybe because you're scared, maybe because he looks fine but if he has been referred then he isn't fine. I am pretty certain he must have told the walk-in centre he would make his own way to hospital. Otherwise they wouldn't have let him leave.
We have a family history of brain haemorrhages. Situations can deteriorate incredibly quickly. If it's just a migraine that's great but the walk-in centre can't tell that so there is no way your husband can.

GloriaGaynor · 12/07/2016 00:22

Although I've no doubt the nurse's on this thread is correct and that's what I would do, practically speaking it can be quicker to take a cab. You may well have to wait a while for an ambulance.

Make sure he takes his report with him.

How far is the hospital?

Doinmummy · 12/07/2016 00:24

If he can make his own way there then he should really ( but don't fanny about wasting time ) it will be quicker by cab.

Original poster
Brokenbiscuit · 12/07/2016 00:25

Thanks all for your support. We have had a massive row but he eventually got in the taxi. Am a bit scared.

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 12/07/2016 00:30

Brokenbiscuit please let us know the outcome. I'm sure there will be others like myself who are worried for you and your DH

Enkopkaffetak · 12/07/2016 00:31

well done Bicuit hope all is ok with your dh and your dd

Pastaagain78 · 12/07/2016 00:32

Glad he is on his way. Hang in there.

e1y1 · 12/07/2016 00:32

It needs seeing to urgently. Not to panic, but to see how catastrophic head issues can be, it is never something that can wait.

Doinmummy · 12/07/2016 00:33

He will be fine . I'm sure the walk in centre are just being cautious but he went for medical advice , he was given medical advice and he should do as they say ( which thankfully he is). Go to bed and try to sleep , he'll probably be there til at least the early hours, it's no good you sitting up fretting ( easier said than done I know )

NapQueen · 12/07/2016 00:34

My dad once went to the doctors who gave him a very similar paper. He, being his typical self, popped back to work to finish a few jobs, went home and had dinner with my mum and said "I suppose I best go up now".

When he got there the staff were livid with him as they had pretty much been on standby since he left the GP (who had called to say he was coming urgently).

It all worked out in the end but there's a strong possibility the staff would have been prepared for him and he failed to show.

Glad to hear he has gone in and hope all is well.

ophiotaurus · 12/07/2016 00:37

He was right to get in the taxi. Hopefully they can figure out what it is.