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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset/angry at Mother in Law

308 replies

BummyMummy77 · 11/07/2016 23:31

Yesterday I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst burst. I've had it confirmed by a doctor and am due to go in for a vaginal ultrasound tomorrow. DH can't take time off work as his job is very seasonal and he makes most of his money in a four week period in the Summer. Also, his boss is in a foul mood at the moment and is liable to let him go for taking time off. DS is two and a half and very lively. I can see taking him in to the appointment would go one of two ways- he's either be an utter fucking nightmare and they'd say they couldn't do it with him there or he'd be all scared about what's happening to Mama (he's not so keen on doctors/dentists etc.) And that's if they'll even let an unattended toddler in radiology, which I highly doubt.

We live five minutes away from the in laws. I've not once since he was born asked for their help with childcare. It's always been a bit of a thing that I've chosen to become a SAHM and his whole family always skirt around in a joking way that I sit around all day doing nothing (for what it's worth it isn't true, I grow all our own food and have chickens, husband works 12 hour days, add a toddler to that and I pretty much rush around like a madwoman) so we've avoided asking them for favours ever.

I've begged MIL to just watch him for an hour while I'm in the appointment. (She has the day off and will be ten minutes away from the hospital!) and she's point blank refusing saying it was my decision to not put him in daycare and she's just too busy to help.

There's no body else that can help, we live on an island and the hospital is aways away. I've asked friends that are nearer but it's last minute and they're all working or already busy.

So I'm faced with the choice of cancelling and resheduling for a month or so's time or taking him and hoping it doesn't all go Pete Tong.

I know I made a choice to not have childcare for him but this is kind of an emergency, am I being unreasonable to be really hurt and pretty pissed off?

Oh and for a bit of background, dh's sister, husband and 1 year old also live with the in laws and are fully financially supported by them and sister in law also doesn't work but has mil cook all their meals and at least two hour of childcare from her a day. I know this doesn't have anything to do with our situation per se but it's adding to my annoyance.

OP posts:
KittensandKnitting · 12/07/2016 11:01

Tried to edit some of this and then hit post by accident but think the general idea is still there

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/07/2016 11:01

I'd have a very honest and very frank conversation with your husband after this, which would point out that even in medical emergencies, they are not prepared to look after/care for your son, not even for a couple of hours.

^^This. Who the fuck is going to look after your son if anything happens to you both? I'd be looking to leave the island to be honest.

PotteringAlong · 12/07/2016 11:01

Does the hospital have a nursery on site that you might be able to use?

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 11:03

To top it all off I'm going to end up having to leave the house at 9.30 this morning and sit in the car with ds who's just come down with a heavy cold and is miserable for hours for a 1.30 appointment.

Oh and I've had 4 hours sleep and it's going to be 29 degrees out today. And my womb is having some kind of apocalypse.

They'd best hope I don't see them today because I am going to be one sour faced bitch.

Knowing my luck she'll be on the same ferry back and do her concerned face, head tilt "oh how did it go?", show me her shopping and I will break down sobbing or literally gouge out her eyeballs with my bare hands.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 12/07/2016 11:06

My son and his ex are divorced, well obviously as she is his ex! I have had the GC at short notice for far less important things e.g. getting her hair done, going shopping. I do occasionally think she is pushing it but for your situation I can't believe it. I would help anyone in this situation, I was at hospital with my grown up daughter a couple of weeks back, I would have done it for a stranger at the hospital if they were in your situation. I don't suppose anyone would hand their child to a total stranger but I would do it no problems.

NoFuchsGiven · 12/07/2016 11:10

How unbelievably selfish! I hope it all works out for you today op.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 11:14

They don't pottering.

I think you're right Kittens, it may be because dh is older and also that sil has had some trouble coping with life. While I have the utmost sympathy for people with mh issues I really think her inability to cope with life is that her parents have never given her the chance or tools to do that. And bail her out of every situation she gets in every time with no recourse.

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 12/07/2016 11:24

I honestly would be looking to move back to the UK. I have minimal family support but even my useless lot would help in this situation.

An bollocks to them. Sod helping them with anythingi n future, they wouldn't even get a glass of water from me after this.

Hope everything goes ok today and take stickers. Every 2 years old I know loves covering themselves with stickers!

carolineal · 12/07/2016 11:31

I am so angry for you - what a horrid, horrid MiL you have. If she can't have your child, what about PiL? How can it possibly be in a household of 4 adults that none of them could help you out in a medical emergency.

You must never, ever help your MiL out for anything. Ever. What a total fucking bitch.

carolineal · 12/07/2016 11:32

Ps. Best of luck today!!!

reup · 12/07/2016 11:32

I had no one to look after my very lively 2 year old when I had to have a miscarriage scan, a transvaginal scan (he did ask what they were putting up my bottom!) and when I had a weird leak thing in a second pregnancy. It was fine - I just put him in a pushchair and he ate bags of chocolate buttons for the first two. I was hours at the hospital the third time and he did run around a it but had a fine old time playing pretend shooting with some of the Drs and nurses. No one ever complained. And it was before smart phones and iPads.

It must be so annoying if you have people nearby and theoretically able to help and they don't.

Ilovetea82 · 12/07/2016 11:37

Hope you are ok, your inlaws seem a right piece of work!
I'm sure there will be someone at the hospital that can distract lo while they scan you.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 11:38

The main problem with that is that it's snack bang in nap time so he's not likely to be doing anything but screaming his head off hysterically because he's been woken up. Sad

OP posts:
QuizteamBleakley · 12/07/2016 11:39

Pushchair, iPad with a load of new apps, stickers and washable pens - he can draw on your arms to his hearts content. The hospital will've put up with worse, so relax as best you can (just don't relax your pelvic floor!)
Hope all is okay Flowers. Your in-laws sound like utter selfish dickwads.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/07/2016 11:46

I would have fuck all to do with selfish cowbag ever again. I'm loving your fantasy of MIL in a hole.

If she ever asks for a favour, I hope you can say "seriously you selfish cowbag? You have GOT to be kidding me?" And walk away laughing manically.

You were far more diplomatic in your reply to SIL than I could have been. It would have made me feel worse to have her asking how I was knowing they won't help. I certainly would tell them to shove future offers of tea up their own self important arses.

Ilovetea82 · 12/07/2016 11:46

Just a thought - what happens if they need to admit you to hospital?

Rhaegal · 12/07/2016 11:48

Had this with my family - it sucks.

Have had to take more than one child to appointments - lots of books, mag, ipad/phone/dvd player - food - drink - toys that you can being out at various points. If you have a pushchair - it's possible for them to sleep in that.

Most appointments were fine - though had a few comments - but I've been lucky and the children do behave very well and usually pointing out options I had were with me or not at all. It's usually gone better than I thought it would.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 11:51

They won't. They won't they won't they won't. Dh loses his job I guess. They wouldn't need to for a burst cyst would they?! Fucking hellfire. And we don't have insurance so the ultra sound alone is going to clean us out, it'll be a cold day in hell before they admit bankrupt me.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 12/07/2016 11:52

What a mean and uncaring MIL.

It's almost as bad, if not worse than my friends MIL who charged by the hour to babysit a grandchild, when it was my friend's birthday party.

YANBU.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/07/2016 11:56

Op if you see her instead of giving her a sour face, give her some home truths and then some, nasty nasty woman. You would not even treat a stranger like that.

Ilovetea82 · 12/07/2016 11:57

Dr Google reckons you should be ok and not need any intervention phew.

Rhaegal · 12/07/2016 11:57

Just a thought - what happens if they need to admit you to hospital?

Then DH would have to leave work and come pick the child up - or they will have to admit her later when she found childcare - or op will have to ring IL and try asking again stating she is being admitted see if they step in then - or ring friends to see if they can help - or they ill have to call SS or equivalent for short term care till the DH can get there.

Looking at www.nhs.uk/conditions/ovarian-cyst/Pages/Introduction.aspx - doesn't look like they would admit for that - and if it's something else that does need admittance I'm sure the hospital will have dealt with situations where there is a dependent child there before.

Original poster
BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 12:15

I stopped consulting Dr Google last night at 1am when I read something about ovarian cysts found complete with teeth and hair. I woke up dh sobbing blathering on about teeth growing in my womb. He didn't really bat an eyelid. AngryHmm

OP posts:
MintJulip · 12/07/2016 12:21

we are all entitled to all do what we want all the time arnt we but that doesn't mean its kind, or fair or a good thing to do esp for family.

Full time or part time child care does not equate to asking for an hour due to medical emergency.

She sounds like she is getting revenge on you and she is a bitch.
I really hope your DH can mention - " I was upset to hear you couldn't cover us for an hour due to medical emergency".

MintJulip · 12/07/2016 12:23

I hate going anywhere with my toddler and my DH has always been able to cover me for hospital appts, I had loads last year.

However on the odd occasion I have had to take her she has surprised me, its the lighting perhaps, the mood of the room...its different and shocks them. so you may have some luck.