To be upset/angry at Mother in Law

[BummyMummy77]

Yesterday I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst burst. I've had it confirmed by a doctor and am due to go in for a vaginal ultrasound tomorrow. DH can't take time off work as his job is very seasonal and he makes most of his money in a four week period in the Summer. Also, his boss is in a foul mood at the moment and is liable to let him go for taking time off. DS is two and a half and very lively. I can see taking him in to the appointment would go one of two ways- he's either be an utter fucking nightmare and they'd say they couldn't do it with him there or he'd be all scared about what's happening to Mama (he's not so keen on doctors/dentists etc.) And that's if they'll even let an unattended toddler in radiology, which I highly doubt.

We live five minutes away from the in laws. I've not once since he was born asked for their help with childcare. It's always been a bit of a thing that I've chosen to become a SAHM and his whole family always skirt around in a joking way that I sit around all day doing nothing (for what it's worth it isn't true, I grow all our own food and have chickens, husband works 12 hour days, add a toddler to that and I pretty much rush around like a madwoman) so we've avoided asking them for favours ever.

I've begged MIL to just watch him for an hour while I'm in the appointment. (She has the day off and will be ten minutes away from the hospital!) and she's point blank refusing saying it was my decision to not put him in daycare and she's just too busy to help.

There's no body else that can help, we live on an island and the hospital is aways away. I've asked friends that are nearer but it's last minute and they're all working or already busy.

So I'm faced with the choice of cancelling and resheduling for a month or so's time or taking him and hoping it doesn't all go Pete Tong.

I know I made a choice to not have childcare for him but this is kind of an emergency, am I being unreasonable to be really hurt and pretty pissed off?

Oh and for a bit of background, dh's sister, husband and 1 year old also live with the in laws and are fully financially supported by them and sister in law also doesn't work but has mil cook all their meals and at least two hour of childcare from her a day. I know this doesn't have anything to do with our situation per se but it's adding to my annoyance.

I don't know how you are staying calm. Your MIL is behaving like an arse.

I don't do arsey texts but I would be sorely tempted. Maybe something like. 'Rough. Worried about ds tomorrow'. and see what comes back.

Or have you reached the point where you'd actually be kind of disappointed if they behaved normally and took ds

What a nasty cow.
Call the hospital and tell them your dilemma. See what they say.

Wow. I hope you remember what a cowbag she is when she's old, frail and needing your help.

Your husband has to take the time off!

Get well soon OP!

OP why the hell is this blue waffle in your life?
Cut her out! She does not give a monkeys about your family.
She is never ever going to love your DH like he wants her to and he needs to reattach hid balls and stop chasing her.
What do any of you gain from a relationship with her? She is selfish and has shown what she really thinks of you. If I were you I'd never be able to look at her again.
Tell your OH that after this you and your DS will not be speaking or seeing them again. If he wants to beg them for love he can crack on but I don't know how a man could do that after the way they've treated his wife.

YOur dh has to have your back, and support you in this, and the behaviour of his mother towards you. Tbh just because dh has a relationship with her, does not mean you have to. He can see her outside the home, and with dc, but I would not be having her in your home, after she treated you like crap. I would be telling your dh that.

What an utter, utter wanker your Mil is

I wouldn't give her the steam of my piss. I wouldn't lift a finger to contact her again,never mind do anything for her when she's old and frail.

I'm not into the Mil bashing you sometimes see on mn, but this woman is dreadful.

Oh, and I second the ipad in the buggy idea. Also a massive bag of sweets that stick their teeth together for ages. Chewits or something.

I bet there will be someone floating around the hospital who will end up entertaining DS anyway. I had to take DD to some appointments when younger, and people were very good.

Unlike your Mil, who is a fucking snake

She is clearly being very selfish. It's an unplanned medical appt- who doesn't step up in these circumstances?! Let's hope she never needs help getting to the hospital in her old age, I'd tell her to go whistle.

Hey OP I've not read the whole thread but I saw your thing about peeing and the ultrasound - IME (IVF/recurrent miscarriage/pregnancy) they let you pee before a transvaginal (dildocam) scan. The full bladder's only for transabdominal. So don't worry about waterfalls of pee!

And you were saying that you can understand why she was put out about you going in and helping SIL when she was home birthing. You're a nicer person than me then, because I can't see AT ALL why someone should be put out when their child is in pain, distressed, and someone comes and makes it better. She sounds like a piece of work, really.

Good luck today OP.
Honestly, your MIL is an utterly vile bitch.
Like previous posters I'd look after a stranger's child in a heartbeat if they were in your situation.

Tell us more about why DH is building a house for SIL?

Have you had a look on the relationship board for info about disfunctional and toxic in laws? 💐

I'm incensed on your behalf, OP.

I would have to go non-contact for a long while after this.

Hey OP, wanting to wish you all the best for your foof-poking procedure -thanks]

FWIW I agree with all the others, your MiL is a horror. As is your SiL. Utter utter horrors

I would send that text about being stressed about finding childcare. Because a. it's the truth and b. it's the truth

This incident would prompt me to rethink why you as a family are there, really. I'd have a very honest and very frank conversation with your husband after this, which would point out that even in medical emergencies, they are not prepared to look after/care for your son, not even for a couple of hours.

This is really crap behaviour. I have looked after my neighbour's children in such a situation as well as friends/family, who wouldn't?

That was supposed to be obvs

Bloody hell. But, you can tell you are British - making jokes about your foof instead of telling them all to go and fuck themselves.

I'm still fucking fuming for you op absolute twatbastards the pair of them!!

Take your son. Explain the situation. It's not idle, but when you say (and say directly "My MIL refused to have him because she is going out to lunch"), some member of staff will have an ounce of kindness and will look after him for half an hour. And then tell your DH - and mean it - that you won't lift a finger to help her ever again. And don't. Really don't.

Hope it goes well tomorrow and that all is okay.

I don't see why MIL can't take her grandson along to hair appt and lunch

Sounds really mean. Why should you have to justify being a SAHM. Would anyone of them come to hospital with you.

Could your dh have a word

He does need to grow a pair where his family are concerned. It's hard not to speak my mind (apart from this situation, I'm finding it very easy regarding this situation.)

The whole house thing, basically sil and her dh bought some land next to the pil and dh built them a house on it. pil bought all materials and paid him to do it but it was at the expense of not doing other work he should have.

Sil and husband waited until the day he'd finished to say it wasn't quite what she wanted (too small, not a proper road to property) and they would be staying at the pil's.

They could easily get a mortgage for the extra stuff she wants doing if they actually worked and she got rid of her fancy, fully stabled dressage horse. But they say they don't want to have to owe money. (Who fucking does?!)

I'm SO temped to tell her that she has no clue how lucky she is. She owns a beautiful little house on 2 acres of wooded land, totally private, WITH A SEA VIEW and owes nothing in it. That's something very few people in the UK will ever be able to say let alone at the age of 29!

Oh, and I don't call 1000 square feet that small. I've known families of four that live in less than that. With no garden.

They said I need to have a full bladder. 2 pints?! If they keep me waiting I'll just piss myself. I have the bladder control of a newborn these days.

I try my hardest not to interfere with them and dh's relationship but I've told him he needs to tell them how utterly shit this is.

We were asked around for dinner the other night and they'd decided actually they didn't have time and were too tired to cook us dinner but spent 30 minute cooking chicken and rice for sil's dog while we got a bag of Doritos. It would actually be hilariously funny if it weren't so shitty and hurtful for dh.

The annoying thing is they'll be super sweet and nice as pie the next time they see me and if I'm offish I'll look like the difficult one.

Oh yes please send the text to SIL. No it's not their child, but MIL and SIL are both there looking after a 1-year old, and BIL's band is more important than your health? Let me guess, band is just about to make it, and has been so for the past 10 years?

Twatmuffins, the lot of them.

Oh 15 at least.

I sent this "I've been better. Hopefully they'll find out what's wrong tomorrow."

Pathetic I know but I'm trying to hold it down so I don't reach the mental bitch from hell point I'm oh so rapidly reaching. If it were anyone but dh's family I'd have boyed them off long ago.

It's a weird dynamic because as well as being my only family out here it's a small island where they're very well thought of so if I start being a bolshy cow people will be all "yeah that mean, uppity English bird who's fallen out with those sweet, lovely hippies and turned their son against them."

It is one pint here an hour before... Have always been commented on my very full bladder and then been given leave to empty it before the internal scan dildo scanner have never been kept waiting they seem to run like clockwork I also have lots of experience on these things :) unfortunately hopefully this will make you a little less concerned?

individuals and don't "need" them, they will drop everything for DP sister including travelling for 12 hours whilst on holiday for something similar to a splinter, OK a big splinter but nothing that would have caused you not to get on with your daily life, but on the very odd occasion we have asked for help as we really needed it, it has never been forthcoming this included two situations so similar to yours that I could have almost written this.

They however are always looking for our support which we give, I'm not sure if it is just that they think we are more capable or if they see it as there sons duty to look after them now, or maybe it is the fate of older siblings as my mum is a bit like this with my brother but would drop everything if I used the words "really need help"