To ask how you deal with being the only non invitee?

[PineappleStick]

I've left work in tears

It turns out my colleagues are having a get together tonight and I haven't been invited.

I'm friendly ish with most of them. I would say I'm nice to people and never slag people off .

One of my other colleagues , who is a total gossip and bitches about certain colleagues is going . She is also friendly ish with most of them .

I only found out because one of my colleagues asked if I'm going tonight .

I feel so hurt

I know it's childish but I can't help it . I'm trying to think back to what I could have done .

I know it will be the topic of conversation tomorrow and I'm going to feel worse .

How do I deal with this situation ?

Frankly , I want to say fuck it and keep myself to myself but it still stings

[pinkladyapple]

Formal complaint? Going to HR? Discrimination?

Honestly, would people really do that if a colleague has birthday drinks and you don't get invited?

Apparently so. I'm not saying that I would do it, but there are grounds. It doesn't sound as pathetic as you're making it sound - I can imagine that if this is done routinely it would be part of bullying behaviour and might be the only evidence an employee has that they'd been excluded.

[WingsToFly]

Very good for our work culture if things are moving that way. It does form part of bullying. It can be just one toxic person, but can sabotage the whole team building strategy and the work performance of the target can suffer.

[Brightonmum1]

keep your chin up my lovely, I would rather be at home eating a kebab than go out with a flock of sheep... I wouldn't have gone if I knew someone had been excluded. Just keep work colleagues as that, no doubt it will be someone else's turn to be excluded next time and hopefully you will be strong enough and decent enough to say something to the organiser.
Remember what comes around goes around!
They're certainly not worth getting upset about. 😘

[RaeSkywalker]

To be honest, I probably wouldn't have sent the email- I would've gone over to birthday girl's desk and asked her to give me the information (in the hope that it would make her squirm). I'd be sugary sweet about it, obviously

[MilesHuntsWig]

Any response from BG?

[TutanKaDashian]

I never get invited to things. The other day, the two women I work with arranged a lunch out right in front of me and I was the only other person there. Way to make someone feel like shit.

[Housemum]

Discussing work projects on a night out? Could be overheard by anyone, how unprofessional! You could be shocked at that ;)

[GaniyaI]

From the tone of your post, you seem like a nice person .Its their loss ! . Do treat yourself and if you can mention you would have liked to come .Just try not to sound sad about it so they don't feel powerful .

[SherbrookeFosterer]

Probably just an oversight.

Don't worry about it.

Maybe arrange a work evening out yourself and be sure to invite all your colleagues.

Keep smiling

: )

[Graceflorrick]

Definitely just an oversight, I'm usually the person organising group activities and I'd never leave someone out. However, if I've arranged whilst someone is on holiday for example, it's possible I'd forget to then invite them?

[Absolutelynothingelse]

I used to work in the civil service and it was rife with this type of social exclusion bullying. It would be the same people organising events and even though others were aware and very kind in the workplace they didn't want to rock the boat and call them out for every event. Although a few would invite those excluded to events where it was easier to do so.

I also found out just before I left that there were many secret group emails being sent so although the work place had quiet moments they were all in fact communicating secretly.
Many people were left out, many of those included were aware but no one wants to say anything to the super bitches as they then turn on them.
I was well liked in the workplace but of course that can go against you.

[FatalFemme]

So their super-fun exciting night out involved discussion of upcoming work projects?? bet you're gutted you missed that, OP!!

[Absolutelynothingelse]

It makes for a very stressful and uncomfortable work environment.

And as for the school gates, now there's a whole other sorry tale of social exclusion.

[jellyrolly]

I once worked in an open plan office and mentioned I hadn't seen a colleague for a while - he wasn't based in the office, someone said he had left. Oh, why didn't he have a leaving do I said? Cue awkward silences all round and a lot of close paperwork examining. Happens to the best of us

[ironingbrew]

I've had similar things happening to me at work in the past and I left a job because of this. It's a definite case of workplace bullying, particularly if your workplace email is being used to organise the excluding social occasion. It's not just a case of accidentally being excluded from birthday drinks, it unfortunately sounds like it was deliberately planned so that you weren't invited. And yes, HR can be involved in situations like this - they were in mine - particularly if it happens on a regular basis.
Hope you're all right, OP, I'd start looking for another job, I know it sounds drastic to start job hunting, but working in a place which condones this kind of behaviour is soul destroying.

[Rachel0Greep]

I once walked in on a lunch for a departing colleague. I think every other female from the team was there. (There had been a separate going away do, for all of the team).
They looked slightly ashamed. Fortunately I was with a friend, but they weren't to know that.

[Hiddenaspie1973]

😡that's shitty. It's happened to me loads so I've just said I'm not coming as I knew nothing and wasn't invited.
I'm not the type to mix work with personal so it doesn't bother me now, I've grown used to it.

[tea4two4three]

This happened to me a few weeks back. It turned out I hadn't been put back on the all staff email after a year off and was missing all sorts of things. They were most amused that I only realised this when I thought I was missing out on social engagements - not anything work related. However, until I figured this out, I was most upset and really thought I must have offended someone. If you wanted to go then you should have gone along anyway. A pint or two later and you wouldn't have cared. X

[Lilaclily]

I was thinking the same as fatalfemme!

[lotbyname]

This happened to me about 12 years ago and it still hurts! I 'won' though by being very cheerful but hurt by it. Youll find that people will be uncomfortable about it and you won't be the one paying the price. Theyll remember it for ages too. Also: she doesn't have non-work friends to go on birthday drinks with?...

Ps have birthday drinks AND INVITE HER. Your moral high ground will be so high

[Lilaclily]

Did the organiser reply to your email op ?

[funkyfriesian]

Such bitchy and unneccessary behaviour.I've been there too.I hope you are feeling better now. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

[funkyfriesian]

Such bitchy and unneccessary behaviour.I've been there too.I hope you are feeling better now. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

[dogloverxoxo]

Fuck the bitches, have a long soak and listen to some Beyoncé with a glass of wine. Some people are just so mean for the sake of being mean and have to make someone feel bad, this week it's you next week will be someone else. Your bigger and better girl!! Xoxox