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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you deal with being the only non invitee?

161 replies

PineappleStick · 11/07/2016 18:16

I've left work in tears Blush

It turns out my colleagues are having a get together tonight and I haven't been invited.

I'm friendly ish with most of them. I would say I'm nice to people and never slag people off .

One of my other colleagues , who is a total gossip and bitches about certain colleagues is going . She is also friendly ish with most of them .

I only found out because one of my colleagues asked if I'm going tonight .

I feel so hurt Sad

I know it's childish but I can't help it . I'm trying to think back to what I could have done .

I know it will be the topic of conversation tomorrow and I'm going to feel worse .

How do I deal with this situation ?

Frankly , I want to say fuck it and keep myself to myself but it still stings Sad

OP posts:
yougetme · 11/07/2016 20:38

Its horrible to be left out of anything even if you didnt want to be invited in the first place.
I think I would go down the road of donning the persona of someone who doesnt give a fuck about them and their piddling little party. Why would you want to drag yourself out - on a Monday for heavens sake - to go to simper after someone who is as petty as this woman is. You would have to get glammed up, put on uncomfortable shoes and spend £££s - and for what ?

No Id rather have a dirty kebab with my beloved while wearing my jammies ta

And tomorrow? For everyone who asks ( they probably wont ask) how my night was I would look them straight in the eye while fantasizing about reporting them to HR for workplace bullying and say how much fun you had . You dont have to report anyone - just picture writing the email and logging it. It shows in your face and might give them pause for thought.

And maybe look for another job with better behaved colleagues.

TSSDNCOP · 11/07/2016 20:51

So either the Birthday girl hasn't remembered you or has excluded you. That doesn't mean the others feel likewise - how often do you read the invited names on an email?

The BG is the one to put atop your Shit List.

HappyFatty · 11/07/2016 20:52

Don't cry over them Pineapple. not.One.Tear. I used to work in the civil service and this sort of thing was very common, but for me it's because I'm unrepentantly fat lol. TBH I would have put my glad rags on with DH, gone out got loads of pics of shot drinking, sombrero wearing, laughing with random strangers and shared them around the office the day after. Don't ask about their night out either. The fuckers.

RaeSkywalker · 11/07/2016 20:56

Head down, carry on. Sounds like it was birthday girl's call- hopefully others will be embarrassed/ shocked that you were excluded. I bet that most attendees didn't know you weren't invited.

... And stay off Facebook!

RaeSkywalker · 11/07/2016 20:57

^ meant to add that birthday girl has done herself no favours here. Others may begin to view her in a different light.

MrBoot · 11/07/2016 21:03

Oh it is a horrible thing to happen. It happened to me and not only was I not invited but one of my colleague's sisters who we didn't work with WAS invited. It happened continuously after that, mainly meeting on Saturdays etc. I assumed it was because I didn't have kids at the time but being truthful with myself, I was not very like them. I found them quite gossipy and very loud. It obviously showed.

Twodogsandahooch · 11/07/2016 21:10

Monday night birthday drinks? You've had a lucky escape.

BadToTheBone · 11/07/2016 21:14

I was once not invited to my teams night out, I knew nothing about it till after it had happened. It had simply been a blanket invite and nobody realised I hadn't been told. I was a little hurt but hey ho, I got over it.

Incidentally, I'm now married to one of them, lol. I've just complained to him and he said he'll take me out soon to make it up to me, that'll be about 5 times he's done that now!!

slinkysaluki · 11/07/2016 21:18

How nasty, wouldn't want to socialise with people like that anyway op you are better off out of it. Just act like you don't give a toss, don't give the birthday prat the satisfaction Cake

Original poster
PineappleStick · 11/07/2016 21:20

Thanks everyone Smile

I'm still upset but I'm ready to plaster a smile on my face tomorrow !

OP posts:
c3pu · 11/07/2016 21:38

Best thing to do is to quickly try and arrange something infinitely better to do, and then post about it on Facebook to show them you can have a good time without them.

FeralBeryl · 11/07/2016 21:47

Oh Pineapple Sad
You make sure you talk LOUDLY tomorrow morning! Can you have thumping music on in the office too?
I'm really sorry you've been left out, is there any chance that they'd 'assumed' you'd have been asked by one of the others and missed out?
I used to worry about this terribly, small groups of people meeting up and never inviting me, until I made up my mind to view them for exactly what they are - Work Colleagues.

Not friends, not family, but people you've been thrown together with in order to earn your pay.

See it as a bonus if they are bearable at work and remember that they don't need to be part of your life outside of it.

Gabilan · 11/07/2016 22:00

I'll let you into a secret OP: there are an awful lot of wankers in the world and none of them are worth the time of day.

If however you find it gets you down at work make a note of incidents. If it's repetitive it is a form of bullying.

Rainbunny · 11/07/2016 22:08

OP I think you should organise a get together with your friends, you need to remind yourself that you have wonderful friends who know you and love you. I think we've all had an experience similar to yours. I changed careers, went back to school and became a lawyer in my early thirties. All my peers at my first law firm were at least five or six years younger. They were incredibly cliquey (and immature frankly). I was always included in invites until one day at lunch my age came up (not in a mean way, it was related to a conversation topic) and all my young colleagues were shocked (but tried and failed not to look it). I guess I do look young for my age and they assumed I was in my mid twenties like them, after that I was noticeably not included quite so much in the happy hour invites etc... I think they suddenly viewed me as an old dinosaur - which should tell you about their maturity levels when someone barely 7 years older is viewed that way! Funnily enough, I work at a different firm now but the vast majority of these "younger" ex-colleagues are still in regular touch with me, not each other though...

Sorry for the rambling anecdote, just remember it's fine to not be friends with people you work with. If you feel comfortable though, say something to someone you feel close to about how hurt you felt, it's not cool to exclude one colleague.

Thecatsmum · 11/07/2016 22:33

Happened to me, collegue invited everyone out for their birthday but not me. In my case other people did ask why I wasn't invited and they did then pretend they'd forgotten me.

I wasn't invited as their OH had an affair and they knew I knew ( too long to explain how). So TBH I did feel a glimmer of sympathy.

edwinbear · 11/07/2016 23:27

Happened to me once. First thing I knew about it was when everyone left their desks at 4.30pm to get changed into their out of work clothes, leaving me sat their like a lemon answering their telephones. Turned out it was a 'team building' exercise and the arsehole who arranged it, only had 14 spaces and we were a team of 15.

I cried, then complained to the senior manager (highlighting the irony of s team building trip alienating one person), then walked out saying no way was I going to man the phones for the next 1.5hrs whilst they went off on a jolly. The general consensus from other colleagues was that he was a cock of the highest order for pulling a stunt like that, which indeed he is. And we don't speak to this day. It's horrible OP but hold your head up tomorrow, it's them not you.

evelynj · 11/07/2016 23:30

Poo. I think you should spend the night building up to saying something tomorrow.

I'd go for 'omg I'm so hungover-feel like crap' & when someone probes say 'well I had to drown my sorrows as all my workmates went out & didn't invite me so I had a pity party'

If you tell us where it is I'm sure we can summons enough MNers to come round & tell them they're a useless string of bitches. I really do want to ask them straight out. Grrr on your behalf.

evelynj · 11/07/2016 23:31

Omg Edwin, that's remarkable. What a tosser

Gabilan · 12/07/2016 06:59

Edwin I hope one of the senior managers pointed out to him how shit that is!

This happened to me when a colleague organised a party inviting everyone bar me. Shifts were reorganised so they wouldn't have to work with hangovers leaving me working 3 weekends in a row - we were supposed to work 1 in 3.

Anyway, various people turned down her invites so colleague had to cancel the party. All because she fancied a bloke and thought he liked me, not her. Neither of us ended up with him and I worked out who not to trust.

SiencynArsecandle · 12/07/2016 06:59

That's awful OP.

Make sure you order a big bacon and egg sandwich this morning, get the smell wafting across the office to go with the loud radio

Flowers
GreatFuckability · 12/07/2016 07:05

Ah pineapple, id be upset too. My stepsister had a party for her 30th wedding anniversary a few years ago, didn't invite me and it still stings.

BoGrainger · 12/07/2016 07:24

I can imagine how hurtful this is.Sad Are you sure EVERYONE else was invited though? I would front it out and ask birthday girl this morning if she had a good time last night. Hopefully there will be a hint of a squirm.

Waterlemon · 12/07/2016 07:25

That's awful op! I've been in similar situations.

Do you have DC op? At my old work place, I was often overlooked for nights out as I had small children so no one ever bothered to invite me. They all presumed I couldn't go.

And have you declined any invites in the past from that group? I once missed a couple of nights out with a group, the next night out I wasn't invited, I think they thought that I no longer wanted to meet up with them. I found out in a similar situation to you, but as it was an informal meet up, I joined them all anyway. No one was bothered by me being there.

since school I've always been overlooked. I'm friendly with everyone but not "friends" (if that makes sense) as I've got older it's started to bother me less. I would arrange a night "out-out" soon with a group of close friends.

Rosebag · 12/07/2016 07:52

How mean. A very long time ago, someone very close to me ( or so I thought) had a party and I wasn't invited. Half way through the event I got a panicked message that they were running out of drink and could I run to the supermarket and get some more. Rightly, wrongly or stupidly, I did this and took it to the house, delivered the drinks, they said "thanks" and then I had the door shut in my face. Yes. I probably hoped I'd be invited in

Sorry about this OP. Act with dignity. If asked, just say quietly, " no I haven't been invited" and if someone thinks better of it, just say "thanks but I have plans..." Flowers

Flamingflume · 12/07/2016 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.