To ask how you deal with being the only non invitee?

[PineappleStick]

I've left work in tears

It turns out my colleagues are having a get together tonight and I haven't been invited.

I'm friendly ish with most of them. I would say I'm nice to people and never slag people off .

One of my other colleagues , who is a total gossip and bitches about certain colleagues is going . She is also friendly ish with most of them .

I only found out because one of my colleagues asked if I'm going tonight .

I feel so hurt

I know it's childish but I can't help it . I'm trying to think back to what I could have done .

I know it will be the topic of conversation tomorrow and I'm going to feel worse .

How do I deal with this situation ?

Frankly , I want to say fuck it and keep myself to myself but it still stings

[practy]

In these circumstances, I always say loudly that I have not been invited. It simply makes the person who did not invite you look bad.

[funkky]

Really sad when it happens. I resigned from a role before because I was excluded from the cheistmas party. People had to select tables of 12 and my team had a table and even a couple others added from another team and no one said anything to me even though I had mentioned a few times I would be coming. eventually saw the list for the tables and of course I had no one to join table with as my team just left me out.

It was a horrible job anyway and being the only non English In the team I thought what a horrible life people must live if adults choose to act this way. I resigned, got pregnant, been trying for ages before then and think the job stress had prevented me before and gor another job after baby was born.
Feel sorry for the op but quite upsetting that things like this happen with adults In the work place who must be really miserable to put others in situations like this.

[Annie1919]

Defo mention it tomorrow. Make them squirm. Cheekily ask if anyone knows why you weren't invited! Big hugs to you.x

[SylvieB74]

At least they haven't all discussed that you're not invited and why?! (She didn't know)!But still, horrible bitches (and bastards?) God, what odds would another bum on a seat be? 🙁

[CattyMcCatface]

And do not wish the cow a 'happy birthday' under any circumstances!

[Marysunshine]

Ignorant and offensive behaviour of them to leave one person out. If asked by anyone why you were not there reply simply that you were not invited - but hope you had a good time. Don't let on your true feelings - if it was a deliberate act to upset you, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction that it did!

It's never you in these situations, (as all groups can cope with one misfit/ bore/ loudmouth/ weirdo etc.......not that I'm suggesting you are any of these) it is always one dominant person who wants to demonstrate they can control everything and everybody. Stiff upper etc.........

[PineappleStick]

I'm late back to the thread

I did get a reply from birthday girl - after I said "I'd heard the project had been planned " ... She just replied with "yes , here are the details ..." Then listed the details

Are you sure my email telling her I'd heard about the project didn't sound a bit PA?

A bit "oh I know you didn't invite me ?" I don't want them to have any hint I'm annoyed .

I feel a bit down about it even though I know I shouldn't . I'll get over it . I don't think I'll be rushing to help any of them out with shift covers though ....

We all have to go to a team building day next week and I just don't want to go

[ABCAlwaysBeCunting]

Oh yes. I worked in a small business and an employee who I'd worked closely with had a big housewarming party. Literally everyone in the company was invited except for me. I went with the breezy 'hope you have a great party on Saturday!' And watched him squirm.

I was later told by someone else that my absence was mentioned at the party. No-one had realised I'd been excluded on purpose till the night and he was apparently told it wasn't on. The theory was that he found me 'intimidating'.

I don't know why people have to be such childish shits but there you go.

[Gabilan]

Nooo. Go to the team building. It will be the perfect opportunity to shit stir bring up examples of behaviour that can cause ill feeling in a team.

[PovertyPain]

Oh please go to the team building course. The subject of socialising is bound to come up and you can have fun watching them squirm.

[Graceflorrick]

I'd go to your manager with that e-mail - that is now a HR issue. Sorry you're experiencing this

[pollymere]

I used to belong to a theatre group and my friends there used to go for a curry to which I was never invited. So eventually whilst one was being organised, I asked whether I had to do some initiation to join the curry club. They were confused as they'd assumed for years that I'd originally been invited and said no thanks and had thought I wouldn't want to come. It was an oversight and I went to every curry after that. Do ask, if it's too late to go this one, then the next. Say did you need an invite or could you go next time? If they've deliberately not invited you, you need to find out why one way or another!

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

I worked in a Post Office for a while and all of the offices in the area got together and had a huge Christmas party. I wasn't invited and only found out about it when someone else phoned our office to confirm they were bringing a couple of extra people since there were so many unused places.
The person organising the party was my boss and also my mother. I asked her about it and said I was wondering why I wasn't invited. She said words to the effect of "Isn't it obvious?" She wouldn't explain further and to be honest our relationship has never recovered.
My mother will definitely be going into a home as soon as possible.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Yep. Organising work on a night out that excludes team members is completely unprofessional.

...and actually if they were doing that on a night out then it really can't have been that much fun!!

[dansmum]

You could go with ' no I wasn't invited. Couldn't have gone anyway..already had plans ( the wine and kebab...natch)

[Earlgreywithmilk]

What the hell zippy??? That's hilarious and bonkers!

[DoreenLethal]

I would probably have responded to that with 'thanks - sorry it wasn't as fun as you expected, must have hurt people planning work stuff on your birthday night out'.

[Lillithxxx]

My boss did something similar to me recently - long story. She doesn't know I know though...karma is a wonderful thing - say nothing but make a mental note to yourself for the future. You will have your opportunity to repay them all for their insensitivity.xxx

[GratuitousSaxandViolins]

I'd be tempted to make other people feel awkward and ask "can I just ask about the night out the other night, was I the only person not invited" - perhaps the girl who sits next to you. Just to make it clear you were aware and how bad it was. I mean, how can you do a team building after that?

I've been a victim of bullying by exclusion and not even my boss would listen to me so I know how tough it is. Not everyone is that bitchy, surely you could ask someone what happened?

[MadMags]

Maybe it's just me but I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Don't get me wrong, it's totally shit but talk of discrimination and HR issues because someone didn't get invited to birthday drinks?

Beyond that, if OP did take it further and colleagues got a slap on the wrist and were forced to invite her to the next thing, she'd know it was a forced invitation. I just cringe at the thought of that.

It really is shitty. But no point in making it bigger than it is.

[Polkadot1974]

I would die inside but then be asking lots of questions about why I was left off. I fear this happens s lot and is shameful. Keep work and friends separate is my advice and care not a jot what others do. Sounds like a crap night anyway

[Lilacpink40]

Zippy when your Mum asks why she's in the old people's home from hell, tell her "isn't it obvious".

OP I haven't read all of this, but I have been in similar situations and it feels like the group have pulled your heart out and kicked it about. It's horrid.

Speaking to people independently, like on here or friends, hopefully rightly confirms to you that this is their problem not yours.

I suspect it's one or two choosing to control the group by showing they can leave people out. Bad behaviour is often started by selfish control freaks.

Could you invite one or two people from work to pizza at yours?
Keep it lighthearted, fair amount of drink and build a side group bet the non-bitchy staff would follow your grouo

[Feckthefeckoff]

I once excluded a lovely girl from my leaving lunch completely by accident. I just missed her name off the email and nobody else either noticed or mentioned it. I only realised what I'd done when we were all getting into the lift to go. I ran back to get her but I think she felt so upset. I eventually persuaded her to come for a drink afterward but I could tell if really upset her. The thing was, I really liked her and thought she was good at her job; it was definitely cock up not conspiracy. I still feel awful about it.

[GrandMarmoset]

This has happened quite a few times to various people where I worked and every time it was completely unintentional, just a case of losing track of who you've mentioned it to. I've been the guilty party myself-and felt absolutely awful about it. I'm sure everyone just assumed somebody had told you.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Sorry Zippy missed yours. WTAF?!?!?! Bonkers!

Home? I'd out her in the shed!