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Original poster

Our daughter has to wear a hat at school, is this right? (No hair)

177 replies

Georgeson · 10/07/2016 23:09

Hello,

I have no idea what I'm doing. I just went to the bottom of the page, found 'Popular Talk Forums' and clicked on here! Please tell me if I'm in the wrong place. I have just signed up.

Our daughter is in Year 2, she attends an Infant School. She has Osteosarcoma, so has been in and out of hospital. There is no need to go through her whole story, but she is currently having chemotherapy. She has already done chemo, for 10 weeks, and had surgery. We are (hopefully, fingers crossed) battling through the final year of treatment. She has spent a lot of time as an inpatient, but will hopefully have most of this chemo while going in as an outpatient, if that makes sense?

She will be moving up to a Junior School in September, but we are deciding to move, just so we can be closer to our preferred hospital (her treatment couldn't be there full-time, due to the distance) so things will just be easier for her, and us! Our son will be starting school then too, so we have found a great Primary School. We had to go in for a meeting (as she was joining the school in one of their not very common entry points (can't think of the word!)) and it was also a good time for us to talk about her needs.

She will be attending school, like any normal child, but will not be in for 2 afternoons, she may also miss an extra day each month (for other regular checks). This lady wasn't happy... I wasn't keen on her attitude, to be honest. Making subtle digs like "we like our attendance to be the best it can be" and "she'll have to leave at lunchtime, so lessons don't get disturbed". She didn't sound happy at all.

To be honest, I didn't even bring up about her hair, assuming it wouldn't be an issue at all. Her Infant School is really understanding and teaches the children, so they understand, etc.

She specifically handed me a sheet of paper with their hair policy on it. I don't know if that was trying to tell me something or what, it was just odd that it was just that on the bit of paper. I then mentioned that she likes to wear headbands, that are colourful. I was going on to explain that I know bright headbands might not be allowed, but she interrupts me and goes on to explain how "a school cap will be sufficient"... I didn't even get a chance to answer to that, as she moves on to talk about other aspects of the school.

I really don't think she handed any of it sensitively. Her class teacher is absolutely lovely though, really sweet.

I'm just wondering if this is something she has to follow? What will happen if she doesn't wear the school hat? These are the school summer caps, by the way. I never in a million years thought this would be an issue. Is there anyway that I can get her excused from these hair rules?

I know this is a bit of a long shot posting here, as I'm not sure how many people will have gone through the same thing, so I might not get any advice... It's worth a try though!

Thank you in advance,

Kate

OP posts:
jude1960 · 13/07/2016 00:17

many primary schools these days have a strict uniform policy and a sunsmart policy ,,,to protect your child. Why do you want to not wear a hat? A child will fit in more quickly if they are all conforming, if one child doesn't get to wear the compulsory aspects then it causes disruption among others who want to do the same. I am not sure why you are questioning the hat?

HooseRice · 13/07/2016 00:19

Are you speaking for all people with disabilities 123abc?

SENPARENT · 13/07/2016 01:07

What do you think is offensive 123abc??

123abc456def789ghi · 13/07/2016 01:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 13/07/2016 02:50

What and cancer isn't s full time life limiting problem 123abc

Do cancer sufferers have days when their not suffering from cancer then? Do they not have cancer all the time? Ie full time. Cos last time I looked once you're diagnosed with cancer you have it all the time.

Life limiting, yep you can die of cancer, that's the absolute definition of life limiting. You don't die of something like blindness or autism. And I am autistic.

If you mean you can recover from cancer, well yes, and when people do they would no longer be thought of as disabled. But cancer does disable you from living a full and able bodied life. Tbh I can't see how it isn't a disability. It clearly IS!

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 13/07/2016 03:05

jude it's not that OP doesn't want her DD to wear a hat to protect her from the Sun in the playground. It's the fact the Head wants her to wear a hat full time to cover up the fact she has no hair.

The ops daughter should be allowed to wear bandanas wide fabric head bands in a soft fabric as other girls will be allowed to wear ribbons in their hair or scrunchies of school Colours.

Also it's a reasonable adjustment to allow a child with a disability, to be able to engage with school fully, so if the chemo makes a child self conscious then the worst thing to do is make her wear a hat, rather than fabric covering which is probably closer to what other children are wearing. Many have said it would probably need to be in the school colours.

Yes if one child doesn't comply without reason yes it does cause dusruption but actually a child with additional needs isn't not complying cos they don't want too. They need to tweek the situation. So if the school rules say all children must sit on the floor during assembly, are you expecting the child who's using crutches cos they broke their leg to sit on the floor because school rules say they must comply and it causes disruption? Or more comparatively the child who's in a wheelchair?! It doesn't cause disruption if it's there a reason and we need to help and support the child. As the op said the children at her DD's infant school are very supportive cos they understand why the rules might not apply.

Atenco · 13/07/2016 04:54

So if the school rules say all children must sit on the floor during assembly, are you expecting the child who's using crutches cos they broke their leg to sit on the floor because school rules say they must comply and it causes disruption?

When you think that these people are in charge of the education of one's child, do we really want people of such limited intelligence, who would apply rules willy-nilly, to teach our children?

Anmi0802 · 13/07/2016 07:35

I'm so sorry to hear about it, hope you and your family are finding all the strength to go through this.
I think it was very rude of her and you should check with someone else, no way I would ask my child to wear a hat just to hide anything, she couldn't be more cruel. I would send her with the most beautiful hair band with a colour the school agree and they couldn't say anything

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 13/07/2016 07:40

What are you talking about atentoco I was using that as an example of an adjustment that could be made for a disabled child. Every school I've been in, trained in, mum taught in has required primary school aged children to sit on the floor for assembly, group teaching, etc. jude was saying of a hat is in the uniform policy then we shouldn't be questioning a hat in favor of a Bandana or fabric Alice band thing, because If one child doesn't comply. Then they all want to not comply and it causes disruption. The suggestion being the school would be over run with children breaking the uniform/hair policy because one seriously ill child needs to wear something different. And I'm saying nope because if a child breaks their leg or is wheel chair then of course the school allows them to sit on chairs while the others are on the floor. The others don't immediately assume that cos one child is sitting on a chair they all should. Same here just because OPs daughter needs to be able to wear a different head covering doesn't mean it will cause disruption, it means she's going to a school that is supportive and willing to make reasonable adjustments to suit her condition.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/07/2016 07:50

Regardless of the cancer aspect (please don't think I am disregarding it) isn't there some wriggle room in the legalities of school uniform anyway? I just remember that when my mum sent me to a state primary for a year, she hated the uniform, dressed me in something totally different and gave me some legal reason why she could (that I can't remember what it was now as I was 5-6 at the time). Is that worth looking into as a 'get around' to any insistence from the head, the legality of the whole uniform restriction rather than purely concentrating on the bit (head coverings) that's currently concerning you?

Just a thought. Ignore if not helpful obviously.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/07/2016 08:00

123abc I have reported you, as what you have said is totally unacceptable and offensive, you sound really thick and uninformed.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/07/2016 08:05

123abc you sound very uninformed, and stupid, read up on Cancer, and talk to cancer survivors, go educate yourself!

sashadasher · 13/07/2016 08:14

I'm totally outraged for you and your daughter, DON'T put up with this women's vile crappy attitude.I'd throw the word totally unprofessional at her (they hate that)get every bit of legal documentation you can get , print it off and shove it on her desk along with what you are going to do and not what she requires you do.Your daughter does have legal rights you know and this dispicable women is stamping all over them......but is it really worth it, trust me different situation similar horrid head, years of crap and extra stress our family and child just didn't need.If at all poss find another school, if not stand your ground grow sharp teeth and take the bitch on.Let's face it nobody else can fight for your lovely dd, she sounds totally amazing .....Flowers

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/07/2016 09:26

So if the school rules say all children must sit on the floor during assembly, are you expecting the child who's using crutches cos they broke their leg to sit on the floor because school rules say they must comply and it causes disruption?

When you think that these people are in charge of the education of one's child, do we really want people of such limited intelligence, who would apply rules willy-nilly, to teach our children?

Friends son broke his leg and was banned from school because he wasn't able to wear the correct school shoes on both feet.

There are some really petty minded people about.

0nTheEdge · 13/07/2016 09:42

Absolutely apply under special considerations! If you like that other school more, and they sound much nicer in attitude, then apply. We applied for my daughters nursery place under special considerations and it does make a difference (she also has cancer). After everything you've all been through, it feels like it would be best if you had a school that was a bit more nurturing. Think about the stress you'll be under if you have to go to hospital for monitoring post treatment. Will you be in the best place to be dealing with digs about about attendance? People call it 'scanxiety'. It's a thing. If the arsey school is def the one you want to go to, still apply, get your macmillan nurse to go in and talk to them (I've heard some schools who were being difficult are much better after this) because they are not allowed by law to discriminate against you because of your daughters condition. If you need to, write to your MP as this is the kind of thing they can actually help you with. Good luck with getting school sorted and I hope everything goes well for your daughter x

SENPARENT · 13/07/2016 11:10

123abc I have reported you, as what you have said is totally unacceptable and offensive, you sound really thick and uninformed.

123abc you sound very uninformed, and stupid, read up on Cancer, and talk to cancer survivors, go educate yourself!

And while you're at it 123abc educate yourself about what constitutes disability discrimination as your comments could well be construed as such.

HidingUnderARock · 13/07/2016 12:49

Friends son broke his leg and was banned from school because he wasn't able to wear the correct school shoes on both feet. surely the LEA/governors would have something to say about that.
Imo a state school would be on very dodgy ground and might have to provide a tutor.

SENPARENT · 13/07/2016 12:55

Friends son broke his leg and was banned from school because he wasn't able to wear the correct school shoes on both feet.

We had this situation where I was working earlier this year and the boy who had broken his leg came to school in a wheelchair. Why didn't your
friend's son do this? All schools are supposed to be wheelchair accessible these days.

Atenco · 13/07/2016 14:11

Sorry NaughtToThreeSadOnions if you misunderstood, but I was actually agreeing with you

HippyHippopotamus · 13/07/2016 17:50

To those that asked, no, I haven't heard from OP but there's no hurry. She can let me know whenever she's ready

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 13/07/2016 18:48

Oh thank you for assuring me atenco I thought you were saying my example wasn't really a rule. I was trying to think of an example of rule that could be adjusted for a disabled or ill child that people could relate too. So yeah I misundstood sorry

Blu · 13/07/2016 22:38

Why on earth would a young person with a broken leg take to a wheelchair if only for the purpose of meeting a school uniform rule?

Have you actually tried to acquire a wheelchair ? You would not be supplied one for s simple broken leg in plaster just to meet a school uniform demand! And self propelling wheelchairs are very expensive to hire or buy.

(Not that this is relevant to the OP)

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/07/2016 15:13

The problem was he wasn't able to wear school shoes on both feet. I don't think a wheelchair would have made much difference

GarlicStake · 14/07/2016 19:27

Excluding children because they can't wear two matching shoes or can't wear the required headgear? This is education? Life in 2016 feels like a very long fall down the rabbit hole Confused

Atenco · 14/07/2016 19:46

Excluding children because they can't wear two matching shoes or can't wear the required headgear? This is education? Life in 2016 feels like a very long fall down the rabbit hole

This