Our daughter has to wear a hat at school, is this right? (No hair)

[Georgeson]

Hello,

I have no idea what I'm doing. I just went to the bottom of the page, found 'Popular Talk Forums' and clicked on here! Please tell me if I'm in the wrong place. I have just signed up.

Our daughter is in Year 2, she attends an Infant School. She has Osteosarcoma, so has been in and out of hospital. There is no need to go through her whole story, but she is currently having chemotherapy. She has already done chemo, for 10 weeks, and had surgery. We are (hopefully, fingers crossed) battling through the final year of treatment. She has spent a lot of time as an inpatient, but will hopefully have most of this chemo while going in as an outpatient, if that makes sense?

She will be moving up to a Junior School in September, but we are deciding to move, just so we can be closer to our preferred hospital (her treatment couldn't be there full-time, due to the distance) so things will just be easier for her, and us! Our son will be starting school then too, so we have found a great Primary School. We had to go in for a meeting (as she was joining the school in one of their not very common entry points (can't think of the word!)) and it was also a good time for us to talk about her needs.

She will be attending school, like any normal child, but will not be in for 2 afternoons, she may also miss an extra day each month (for other regular checks). This lady wasn't happy... I wasn't keen on her attitude, to be honest. Making subtle digs like "we like our attendance to be the best it can be" and "she'll have to leave at lunchtime, so lessons don't get disturbed". She didn't sound happy at all.

To be honest, I didn't even bring up about her hair, assuming it wouldn't be an issue at all. Her Infant School is really understanding and teaches the children, so they understand, etc.

She specifically handed me a sheet of paper with their hair policy on it. I don't know if that was trying to tell me something or what, it was just odd that it was just that on the bit of paper. I then mentioned that she likes to wear headbands, that are colourful. I was going on to explain that I know bright headbands might not be allowed, but she interrupts me and goes on to explain how "a school cap will be sufficient"... I didn't even get a chance to answer to that, as she moves on to talk about other aspects of the school.

I really don't think she handed any of it sensitively. Her class teacher is absolutely lovely though, really sweet.

I'm just wondering if this is something she has to follow? What will happen if she doesn't wear the school hat? These are the school summer caps, by the way. I never in a million years thought this would be an issue. Is there anyway that I can get her excused from these hair rules?

I know this is a bit of a long shot posting here, as I'm not sure how many people will have gone through the same thing, so I might not get any advice... It's worth a try though!

Thank you in advance,

Kate

It read to me that if Ops daughter wants to cover her head then only the school cap would be allowed.

That's pretty inflexible, isn't, especially if that's what her daughter wanted to do everyday.

Also, her attitude re attendance"we like it to be the best it can be"

Well it bloody well would be, wouldn't it?

Does she think the little girl would be going off to appointments in school time for fucking fun?

As a school leader in an inclusive school, I'd probably be talking with you about how we could help settle your daughter in and offering to talk with her new classmates about her lack of hair. I'd see it as a great opp to work with you to promote our school values and equalities work. I'd reassure you that yes attendance matters and that, as a school, we are penalised for poor attendance but I'd explain that we'd create a medical care plan that justified those absences. Following childhood leukemia, my brother spent a couple of years without hair, he often chose to wear a cap (any cap) but sometimes didn't - he was treated sensitively by chn and staff alike. So sorry that hasn't bn your initial experience with the school. Am sure your child's teacher and classmates will make up for it.

Equity appalling on every level.Some great advice here, definitely sort out a care plan with school nurse./ LEA. Agree head covering in soft fabric made of school colours when she wants to wear something would be best.

Should say absolutely!

Write to the Head, and cc the Governors and Dept of Education (if an Academy) or the LEA (if under their purview) asking for clarification of your meeting. Be specific. State why you were taken aback. And Remind them how much your child has gone through and is going through and ask them if they're going to follow laws on accommodating children with special medical needs/disabilities/whatever applies here. What you're hoping for is not unreasonable!

Sorry you're having such a hard time, made worse by awful headteacher. I would definitely send her to a different school. What good are 'facilities' if she has such uncaring teachers?

Why not make another appointment with the Head and explain just how you felt when she appeared to be brushing aside your opinions, wishes and concerns, because she most certainly did. Give her a chance to re think - then if she still behaves in the same way I would tell her that you are seriously considering not sending your children there as her duty of care seems to be entirely lacking, along with her humanity. She may not have realised quite how bad she sounded; a bit worrying given that she is a Head Teacher but possibly a bad day, preoccupation with something else - I would give her one more chance to redeem herself and display a much more humane response given that the school and class teacher sound well worth staying for. The attendance 'issue' isn't her problem really anyway - poor attendance is taken up by another area of the educatioon department usually and given the circumstances they should be supporting you all the way. Good luck to your dear little daughter, may she recover quickly and have a long and happy life.xx

I'm a dressmaker and would be happy to make your daughter some headbands in school colours for no charge.

Message me if you're interested

Im sorry but that sort of treatment for anyone is disgraceful amd even more so considering your situation. If you spoke to the head then I would email her and say that you would like to clarify a few things. If no one else is expected to wear the hat the why DD. She stated that they like attendance to be the best that it can be, for your DD this is the best it can by at the minute. If not email her to enlighten her of your meeting. I would also write to the governors. Good luck with everything

Wow OP, they sound awful. My DS was diagnosed with leukaemia and like you, had a great infant school. He's gone on to another school where the kids don't know about him as his hair has grown back, but they are very understanding of his needs and attendance. Things like this make me mad, especially knowing what you're DD has gone through. Not sure I'd be able to contain myself. How does your DD feel about the hair thing? Is she comfortable without anything on her head? If so, she should be allowed to do whatever she wants, and anything else is just cruel. It's going to be hard enough joining a new school. I really would be thinking hard about sending either child there if that's their attitude

Hippy, what a lovely gesture. I'm with most other posters on here. OP the HT sounds like a total arse. I'm sure if you wrote/called the LEA and explained why you did not want your children to go to that particular school they would be accommodating. Your daughter (and your family) are going through so much you need to make life as simple as possible for you all. And that includes finding a lovely school for them. Of course attendance is important but it's not like your daughter isn't off for a really good reason!! Plus is she more susceptible to infection because her immune system is all over the place?

If that was my child I would want her to go to school in whatever she felt comfortable in on any given day head wise.

My son went to a small village school (less than 100 pupils and 2 years to a class) and his head teacher was fantastic. Yes he wanted good attendance for his school but not at the cost of "his" childrens health. I really hope you can find one like that for yours.

I am so angry on your behalf but send my very best wishes to you and your family. Please let us know how you get on.

Awww hippie that is lovely 😃 Have you heard back?

I'd certainly be applying to the church school.
All the very best to you and your lovely little girl x

OP, sorry coming late to the debate too. Sorry that you and your daughter are going through all this.

TBH I just don't know where the head teacher was coming from on the cap comments. Crass. And lots of good suggestions here on how to deal with them.

On the attendance point, she is well out of order too. We are in a similar position in as much as our son has a serious medical condition that means he has to go to Out Patients appointments and sometimes has two weeks' or so of IVs (and so his attendance record can get scatty). We have always taken the view that it's important he doesn't miss any schooling more than he has to - so unless it's a games lesson or assembly or something I don't buy into the collect him earlier so it doesn't interrupt a lesson - I just ask them to make sure he has the homework or rest of the lesson to catch up. It's hard to argue against that one.

A lot of schools don't like any type of absence because it reflects (they think) badly in their stats. However, any absence for medical treatment should be authorised and the important thing is (and which seems to be being forgotten here) is that attendance is as good as it can be. Perhaps they need reminding that it's the child that's important and that any measure of attendance is just a means to an end.

As to comments over liking attendance to be the best it can be, I agree that sounds like a (not so subtle) dig. However, one could deflect it by agreeing but reminding her of your daughter's condition and the need for treatment. There is no excuse for her attitude, but there are other options than either accepting it or finding another school. If everything else is right about it, or it otherwise works for you, why let this woman's ignorance and prejudice ruin it? Like other posters have said, the school has to make reasonable adjustments and should not be allowed to get away with discrimination.

It may, or may not, be the right school. Would it be worth speaking to your local authority about your concerns? Even without a statement of special educational needs, there should be someone there who deals with social inclusion who should be able to help. They were great for me when my son managed to pick up an exclusion because of his lack of bladder control. Also, it may help if someone from your medical team speaks to the school. It can be very hard when other people are being so unfair and it is your child having to go through yet more crap, but try and keep calm and put the head straight - firmly but politely.

You may want to consider another school, but do not let this woman bully you into doing so. I don't think it follows all the teachers will be of the same cut - my experience is that sometimes the teaching staff see the head for the tosser they are. The head may be moving on at some point. Or (and I have known this too) their reactions may spring from misunderstanding or fear. If you feel it is the right school, maybe give it your best shot and keep it under review - you can always change later if you need to.

I do hope things work out. Moving school is stressful enough, without all of these additional issues. Sorry for long rambling post. It can feel absolutely awful, trying to do your best, seeing what your child goes through, and then come up against this type of crass insensitivity. Try and stay calm, make the most of any help that is on offer (and there are some really kind, positive people out there too!) and don't let the nasty people get you down.

Please, please contact ofsted. No school/head should behave that way. There is a whistleblower number you can contact. Also contact the chair of governors and the LA (if it's not an academy).

Maybe she thought you meant headscarf? Lots of schools have caps so this isn't unusual. on the hair front, a lot of schools have a formal policy about headcoverings and headbands, especially in areas with Islamic pupils. If you meant a stretchy hair band than that's probably ok, as long as its in the school colours. Where I work hair things have to be white or green. She has to give the official line so don't worry that she sounded formal, my daughter had to take weeks off for a serious illness and the school were terrific. However, they still had to send me the formal letters and take a stern approach about attendance.

It is important your child's confidence isn't shattered. The head needs to concentrate on educating the staff and student population to avoid this. The hat drivel is just that - drivel.
I speak as a parent of a son in remission from cancer.................bat their corner ..........sometimes people just do not understand at all and all we can do us enlighten them on sensitive ways to treat people who have different needs. One of your daughters nurses can help here I'm sure.
Good luck

Firstly, wishing you all the very best of care and luck. Completely out of order to not give individual, common sense and sensitive dispensation to your daughter at this most dreadful of times. Go back to this woman and tell her what YOU expect of the school in terms of support for your little girl.

Dear Georgeson
I've had cancer (as an adult) and one thing I taught me is that it doesn't make rotten people nice.

I also have a (big grown up) son and one thing I know is that my instincts were always right when dealing with schools. Trust your instincts.

And one other thing - I think despite one nice teacher - the tone comes from the head and the head sounds horrible.

You need to weigh up what you and your children will gain from going to this school. I don't know if this school right or wrong for you but I think you should go back for another visit. Good luck and I hope your children and you keep well. C

I wouldn't send her to that school if there's an alternative. I was a speech and language therapist. I had 13 schools on my 'patch' and I used to visit in relation to children with special educational needs, from nursery up to secondary. Don't be taken in by facilities and activities, the head's attitude is crucial. If the head doesn't 'get it', your child will not get the flexibility and empathy she needs. Good luck with your daughter's treatment.

I can't believe I'm reading this!
Cancer is considered a disability under the Equality Act. The school has a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments. A reasonable adjustment in your daughter's case would be being allowed to wear a different type of hat /headband. If the school tries to make her wear the school hat when it makes her head itch because of her condition, that would be disability discrimination and unlawful. This HT needs to get her act together and update herself or she could find herself in serious trouble.
As for the absence, that is also down to her disability and HT should be able to authorise that as these are exceptional circumstances.
www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/315587/Equality_Act_Advice_Final.pdf

Hippy that was an incredibly kind thing to offer. My dd wore my homemade headbands, they were actually quite easy to make out of a school-coloured scrunchie. Eventually we bought a cotton cap online. It's nice to have choices when you don't have much control over your hair!

4.4 The Act defines disability as when a person has a ‘physical or mental impairment which has a substantial and long term adverse effect on that person’s ability to carry out normal day to day activities.’ Some specified medical conditions, HIV, multiple sclerosis and cancer are all considered as disabilities, regardless of their effect (Equality Act)