To feel I've been sold lies on natural birth when reality is v different

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Hi All, 37 weeks pregnant and very excited about the birth until last week. Final scan revealed baby is already big...could be 9lb at 40 weeks and he's in 75th percentile so definitely at larger end. I'm 5'4", size 10 usually so not particularly large.

Done hypnobirthing, NCT classes and been insistent on natural birth with no pain relief - I've been very gung ho and complacent and now reality is kicking in - I'm expecting a large baby so tears and cuts may be more likely. Feel like I've been sold lies about the ease of having unassisted natural birth when the practical reality is different - all my friends who wanted natural births ended having emergency c sections and assisted painful deliveries.

Have I been sold some nonsense to believe that I can be superwoman and have an easy pain free natural delivery because my mind will overcome any fear? What's the reality of this? Feeling like I've been arrogant to think I could be different from most women out there and have this big baby easily. I've been dutifully doing all the perineal massage / vaginal stretching wondering what the point is when I'll be trying to push a huge baby through a tiny gap.

Fed up!

And you won't remember the pain later.

Must agree that nct/ante natal classes are crap wrt discussing pain and pain relief
However that being said pain is so subjective - I didn't think birth was that bad sorry! and I've certainly had worse pain since
Both my labours were pretty ok til 8/9 cms stage tbh
And transition is hideous - they really don't tell you about that do they!!?
But to answer the op-
Having a baby hurts
If you want it, have pain relief
If you don't feel you need it, don't

Ignore the dramatic idiots you can hear screaming next door in the delivery suites not helpful. People manage pain in different ways, who are you to judge it as 'dramatic? I had a low moan, but what if the OP is a screamer?

Wondering if mooing was permissible to the Great Goddess of Perfect Birthing?

And you won't remember the pain later.

This is one of the biggest lies I was told.

You know what?

I didn't really want to say this, but some of this has riled me

Warm baths, TEN, massage, Yoga balls, gas and air, music. None of that dulled the disembowelling pain of childbirth FOR ME

Pethidine made me fall asleep between contractions (which was mighty wierd since they were a minute or so apart)

Juno

Yup

I remember it very time I have a smear, or or a coil removed or put in

I stopped myself from having periods because I remembered it every time I has a period

Not RTT but going to say that my mum came out with this
"Try not to worry through it, it will end and you will be ok"
"well yeah mum, I know, I think I'll be ok, I'm relaxed about the whole thing even if not super prepared"
"yes but your body/mind won't know it definitely ends as it's your first child"

I thought this daft advice as it's pretty much a forgone conclusion that I (to some degree) would be ok and obviously it will end. But when it gets tough you do struggle to see it ever ending.

And to add to that, perhaps first births don't always go to plan due to this. On a second baby you and your body definitely know how it goes. It's got to be possible to have your ideal birth, just wonder if it would be more likely with a second.

That said my mate pushed her first 9lb 12oz baby out on gas and air with 3rd degree stitches and is planning to do it all again fairly soon! Nutter! Lol

The best thing I did for number 2 was a Doula. Can't recommend it highly enough - transformed my experience from pretty apprehensive to excited and then after the birth, euphoric. Especially for no1, really worth the cash - and TENS, definitely

Whoever said women are being gaslighted - yes! On a fucking grand scale.

It's a shame this thread has just turned into people often describing their own experiences. Not that that isn't instructive in itself, but there's a really interesting conversation to be had around how labour is presented to woman in both good (ie natural) and bad (self-evidently life saving intervention).

The female body is designed to give birth, and after you've done it you will feel so proud of yourself! Yes it hurts but the pain is manageable, and if you can't cope there are generally pain relief options available as long as you don't leave it too late.
I had second degree tears and stitches with both children. Aside from a bit of wincing when my stitches got caught on my maternity pad that was it.
My first baby was 6lb 6oz and induced as I was two weeks overdue. She was back to back and born via ventouse delivery. What really hurt though was having my legs up in stirrups for several hours and I was hobbling around for days afterwards.
Second baby was 8lb 11oz and a water birth. I would do the second birth again tomorrow if I had to, the first, well I'd rather not.
It's good to go in with an idea of what you might like, but don't set your heart on anything, some things are beyond your control.
When it's all over and done you will have a gorgeous baby, so it will all be worth it.

I went in scared and prepared for trauma and evil forceps welding Doctors thanks to the internet including mn I'm afraid ...ended up scary in the opposite way. I had a 'precipitous' birth - very fast and intensely painful straight away, almost had her in the cab to the hospital. Ripped up to the bum which before was a HUGE fear but turned out to be unpleasant but not the be all and end all.

You really really don't know what to expect I guess.
All I know is I couldn't have avoided stitches by "doing it better" any more than a woman who has interventions could. What happens happens; being informed and having preferences is great, but the best way to avoid panic is to not think there's a right and wrong way. Natal Hypnotherapy (less woo hypnobirth) helped me, I had a mantra "the midwives are highly trained and want the best for me and my baby. I am doing my best." And it helped stave off the panic or the "I'm doing it wrong, I shouldn't be pushing" thoughts.

Birth just varies so much.

Every birth is different - even every birth you as an individual have. I have had one lengthy painful back to back labour which I would not have got through without an epidural and ventouse delivery. That baby was 7 lbs. I then had a fairly smooth water birth and had a 9 lb baby with no tears or cuts. I then had to be induced with baby 3 - but though he was started off artificially I still had a water birth delivery. He was very fast though and nearly 10 lb and I tore a bit as he shot out and lost a lot of blood after.

The preparation you have done will help - but nothing can ever really prepare you for this enormous life changing event. Even by my 3rd baby I was still not entirely sure what labour felt like and had a false alarm a week before he was induced. I was convinced I was in labour - called the grandparents over, timed the contractions, went in when I was convinced I must be at least 5 cm. Only to be sent home and told it was a false alarm.

Natural birth is possible but I think it is important to recognise that this is when all the stars are in alignment. Baby has to be in the right position - a natural drug free birth with a back to back baby is physically possible. But anyone who tells you that it will be pain free is deluded! Your body has got to use every muscle in there to turn a human being around 180 degrees - it is intense and painful! There are things you can do pre- birth to do all that is possible to get your baby into the right position pre birth. See spinning babies. My first birth was back to back and I did lots of research to try and ensure the next was not. But if it had I was going to ask for a c section.

...and people will always tell you it was "easy" ...quicker, surgical, natural etc. Mine was quick but it was described as "like an induction where they got the dose wrong" as it was like a bloody cillet bang advert! Apparently the pain was intense and they could tell although I just made owl hoot noises I was completely out of it, and tore completely. But for someone with an averge length labour mine would seem easy ... and vice versa.

The female body isn't designed to do anything. We've evolved, which is a stop-start, pretty haphazard process that often results in incredibly inconvenient things. Our retinas are inside out. Our appendixes routinely burst and kill us.
Our pelvises are narrow, because there's a selective pressure for that because it's efficient, but then there's a knock on effect that birth is hard - then there's selective pressure in the opposite direction. it's an uneasy balance between having a balanced pelvis for walking and a large enough pelvis to give birth.
We aren't designed. Birth is hard.

I'm 5'2" and size 10 also, though larger when pregnant obviously! I've had 3 DC, my first was 7lbs, I had pethidine and tore needing stitches, my 2nd was 7lb 12 I had no pain relief and didn't tear then my last was a whopper at 9lb 3oz and she was the easiest and fastest labour 46 minutes with gas and air. Best thing is to keep an open mind and just go with your body, you might surprise yourself and not need any pain relief or you might want it all. It really doesn't matter and I think every birth is different. Best of luck with the baby!!

Yes there are the pains of labour but remember most pain we have is COs something's wrong this pain is working for you to get your baby out its nothing to be frightened of and your midwife talks you right through the more difficult parts you'll look back on it and think how amazing it was afterwards - good luck!

Apologies if someone's already mentioned this but I was very scared about tearing and petrified of an episiotomy. I did tons of research and found that by far the best way to avoid it was with a water birth. I managed to give birth in water with gas and air and not a single tear. I would recommend it. And good luck it is over before you know it

If I only had to do labour I'd have loads of kids. I've found it a pleasant, intense, wonderful experience. It hurt but wasn't agony. I felt powerful, in control and content.

I gave birth in water both times, no pain relief other than that, and without any assistance. I was quiet, had my music playing, DH with me and was happy.

It's one end of the scale. Unfortunately the other end of the scale can be devastating. The best you can do is hope for the best but plan and learn about any eventuality.

Hi I did the hypnobirthing course and it worked for me in the main. I had a pretty good experience all told (first child). DS was 8 pound 6 oz when born and I'm petite and size 10. I didn't need gas or air or any drugs. The only thing I wish the hypo birthing course had actually prepared me for was the final stage breathing - I thought I'd got it, but on the day, obviously not, and instead of 'breathing the baby out' (ha ha ha) I ended up having to push - vigorously. And yes I did tear (despite the perineum massage) and needed an episiotomy - but this was perhaps because DS insisted on coming out like superman (one arm above his head) and in slightly a non-conformist way. When comparing war stories with friends from the antenatal class - we all tore / needed an episiotomy so I wish I'd been prepared that that is in fact v v likely. I went in with a realistic birth plan but was prepared to be flexible.

It really does vary. tiger none of our group of 8 at nct needed an episiotomy but experiences ranged from natural home birth to emcs...

Hi OP, your situation sounds similar to mine. I have a low pain threshold and I was so terrified of labour that it almost stopped me trying for a baby. When I went for my booking appointment I broke down in tears when the midwife explained that there is no option for elective c-section here. But she recommended hypnobirthing and we took the classes. I had a nagging fear in the back of my mind too, but I tried to let it go as I figured that having that tension there wouldn't help during the labour. I was really keen for a minimum intervention delivery, but I'd also read about all the other options that might be available to me and discussed it at length with dh so we had a Plan B, C and D.

My labour was quite a long one but I really got into the hypnobirthing breathing techniques (deffo practice them beforehand!) and by the time the contractions started to intensify I was completely In The Zone. I was offered plenty of pain relief but I don't really want any as I didn't really feel like I needed it. (Although as I got close to the end I did take up the offer of a couple of paracetamol - why not, eh?)

If I had to describe the experience, I wouldn't describe it as painful - more as intensely uncomfortable. But completely manageable. It was a weird zen-like experience. Other than the weird breathing noises I don't think I even made any noise?! (Normally I am a big fusspot). I am a size 8/10 and had a 9lb 3oz ds with a big head, btw.

So, if you think you can do it, you almost certainly can. This is exactly what your body evolved to do.

I'm the same Carl, I loved giving birth. I don't want anymore children but have genuinely considered surrogacy - although decided that was deeply silly.

after having 4 DCs I can tell you every birth is different. Also the experience is never what you imagine it to be.